Something Lost
by devonshire64
Summary: Are our memories really the way things used to be? As their past resurfaces Dean finds himself falling back into the memories, and Sam wonders what exactly made him forget.
1. Chapter 1

_hey everyone. i am still working on 'By the Wayside' dont worry, but this is a story that has been bouncing around in my mind and driving me crazy for months now, so i figured i would try and give it a shot. it takes place around the same time as Shadow Stalker and By the Wayside,(about a year after the accident) but it doesnt refer to either. let me know what you think of the Teaser, and if you want more._

D: i dont work for supernatural, though i think that would be fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 1

The night grew heavy around the solitary figure, the man moving quietly through the deepening dusk as the world around him slowly fell off into the silence of the hour. The old building stood out against the gloomy world, as the shadowy silhouette made its way around the corner, boots crunching softly against the packed gravel parking lot. Everything over the past week had been one long and draining blur of life, loss and fear. And Sam Winchester wasn't sure just how much more he could take.

The hunt had been a simple salt and burn, something that both he and his brother should have been able to do in their sleep. The ghost of Jeremy Swan had been haunting the local grade school, where he died of an asthma attack, stuffed in a locker over thirty years ago. It was a stupid prank that had gone too far, but try telling that to the angry spirit of a twelve year old. Ever since an addition had taken the place of the sixth grade hall young Jeremy had been locking up those he believed to be 'bullies' starving them of air, hiding them away over long weekends. It had been gruesome, the victims all children themselves, and as bad as Sam felt for the small child it had to be stopped.

The coordinates had come from Bobby, and Sam couldn't escape the pain that filled his heart every time his phone chimed. Both Sam and Dean had been a mess after the accident, and the months that followed were the most trying of Sam's life. But finally, after four months they had managed to come together as a family again, their twisted lives taking on some semblance, even if it was just an echo, of their former lives. So he and his brother went to the small town of Winchester, Wyoming, ironically enough, to put the small spirit to rest.

But then, Sam thought as he crept around the small motel, the building strangely dark and desolate, they were the Winchesters, when was anything ever easy. The salt and burn, that was a snap, but there was a snag, a deviation in the plan that neither brother had been prepared for. The small child, innocent little Jeremy, had apparently not been so innocent after all, at least not in death, because, as soon as his small soul vanished, a much larger one took its place.

And so, the hunt for Dean Winchester had begun. And, Sam thought, all his strength aimed at keeping his breathing easy and frayed nerves as controlled as he could, hopefully this is where the hunt would end. The youngest Winchester had barely the time to react as the malevolent poltergeist ripped his older brother away from him, pulled Dean back into the night so fast, that is took several long seconds for Sam to even realize he was gone. And, moments after, he realized nothing as a blast the young man wouldn't soon forget, ripped into the back of his skull, sending him to the ground in an unconscious heap. And by the time he had awoken it was daylight, and Dean was long gone.

That was seven days ago, exactly a week, and Sam was beside himself. The first three days of his brother's disappearance were a blur to him, his mind foggy, senses dulled as his imagination played over every possible future that lay before the broken man, each one sadly absent of Dean. He had been his rock, his constant, his big brother, his protector, and now he had been lost to the night, gone in a gust of wind.

Sam then spent the next three days hunting the entire state of Wyoming, searching for his missing brother, spending hours upon hours on the computer, questioning the locals, and refusing to give up on his big brother. But, while everything seemed to give him a strange sense of deja vu, try as he might, there was no sign of his brother at all. That was until yesterday when Sam had received an anonymous text message pointing him to the small motel just our side of the city of Valley a few hundred miles to the west. The very same motel he had finally driven up to only a few moments ago.

The place was part of a rundown truck stop, the highway passing the nearly forgotten city having long since fallen into neglect as larger, superhighways took its place. The town itself was nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains on the boarders of Yellowstone National Park, and if Sam had felt a little deja vu before, it was now nearly beating him over the head. He knew this place, those streets, that town, knew it from somewhere he couldn't remember. It was like the place had existed somewhere on the very edge of his memory, just barely holding onto its place in his mind, and he was sure that even just one more memory would dispel it. The town was forgotten, one could tell just by looking at it, and Sam couldn't understand why it seemed so overwhelmingly memorable to him.

He pushed that all out of his mind though as he finally made his way to room nine, the very room that had been given in the mysterious text. Sam knew it may be a trap, but he also knew that it may be his brother's only chance, and that wasn't something he was going to ignore. He didn't know who had sent the message and at that moment he didn't care, all he wanted was his brother, all he wanted to do was save his protector. He was prepared, his senses on alert, white knuckles gripping his shotgun, eyes keen and searching, taking in everything around him, making sure he was ready for anything and everything that came his way.

Except, that is, for what actually did come his way. There, taped to the door just below the handle was a small piece of paper, the letters S.W. written neatly across the front. Sam felt his stomach clench as his palms grew sweaty. '_What the hell was going on?'_ He reached out with trembling hands, pulling the letter from its sealed white envelope.

'_You owe me one... K'_

Sam stared long and hard at the small sheet of paper in his hand, turning it over again and again, searching for something else, an explanation, hell, even just another sentence. But there was nothing, just those four small words, and the initial 'K'. He could feel his body go ridged as he looked back at the locked door, suddenly completely unprepared for what he may find. He had been expecting a ghost, or a demon, or some other evil trickster that had decided to use his brother as bait. What he hadn't been expecting, and what, in truth, he learned long ago not to hope for, was help. Help from someone the was not his father or brother. Yes, he knew there were other hunters out there, now. But, as a child, that was something John made sure that he kept them shielded from. They were the three Winchesters. That's all they were, and that was all they needed.

Sam quickly picked the lock, taking a deep calming breath as he turned the old handle and quietly pushed open the heavy wooden door, the hinges creaking in the silent night. As he reached a shaky hand forward slowly, flipping on the light, his eyes immediately fell to the large bed before him, but more importantly, to the cleaned and bandaged form of his older brother laying on it, safe and asleep. Sam looked once more at the letter he still held tightly in his fist before going to check on his brother. Whoever this 'K' person was, he really did owe them one.


	2. Chapter 2

_thank you all for the wonderful reviews, i am glad you are all enjoying the mystery._

D: same as before.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 2

Sam sat on the bed opposite his brother's, his head cupped in the palms of his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. He couldn't get his mind around the events of the past week, couldn't understand what was laying in front of him, how it had come to be. He felt like he had skipped to the back of the book, fast forwarded to the end of the episode. Something was missing, oh yeah, Sam thought bitterly, the entire rescue. He had lost Dean, spent nearly a week searching for him in vain, and then received a mysterious text message that led him directly to his missing brother. The older man had even been cleaned and bandaged, a morphine drip attached to his arm and a prescription for painkillers on the bedside table. And a note from someone named 'K'.

It was all to much for the younger Winchester, all too confusing to let his mind dwell on it. His brother was alive and safe, laying on the bed in front of him, and at the moment that was all Sam cared about. Dean was hurt, there was no question there, his body clad in only his jeans and covered with neat white bandages. The left side of his face was a myriad of blue and purple bruises, his head wrapped tightly, his cuts stitched almost professionally. He also had a brace on his left wrist and more then a few cracked ribs, and while he looked like he had been run over by a train, Sam was relieved when he discovered nothing life threatening. Except for the fact that Sam had been at the motel for over six hours, and his brother had yet to move a muscle.

Maybe it was the drugs coursing through his system, Sam continued to think as he rubbed his eyes, still staring at his brother's pale and bruised body, after all, morphine was pretty strong. But Dean's new found safety still wasn't enough to calm Sam's frayed nerves. Thing just didn't add up. Why hadn't someone just called him, or taken Dean to the hospital, why bring him here, to a nearly forgotten town hundreds of miles away from where he had disappeared. What the hell was with all the secrecy. And, instantly, Sam found a new loathing of one of his most hated phrases, 'need to know.'

It was stupid really, if it was happening and it effected you then, obviously, it was something that you needed to know. So, Sam thought, because at that moment he wanted his mind on anything else other then the problem at hand, 'need to know' was pointless, because if you knew enough to know that you needed to know, well then, he needed to know. He really did hate secrets.

Sam was brought out of his tail spinning mind when a soft groan, almost inaudible, sounded from the still form before him, his brother's eyes beginning to flutter weakly as consciousness regained its hold. Sam immediately made his way to his ailing brother, sitting softly by his side as he encouraged him to wake, to open his eyes, to show him that he was still part of the living.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Sam, that's a stupid question."

"Yeah, but I'm still asking."

"I feel like something beat me over the head with a brick wall."

"By the looks of you, it did."

"Where the hell are we?"

"A motel."

"How the hell did we get here?" Dean asked, struggling against his own body, as he tried to get up.

"I was hoping you might be able to tell me." Sam began as he placed his hand against his brother's chest, immediately stopping the older man from rising.

"Well, I was a little beat to hell at the time. You can't remember?" Dean questioned, his eyes immediately surveying the man before him, searching for any sign of injury, a blow to the head he somehow missed.

"Dude, I'm not the one that found you."

"What?"

"I'm not the one that found you."

"Yeah, I heard you the first time." Dean retorted still staring down his younger brother. "Well."

"Well what?"

"Well, are you gonna tell me who found me, or just leave me to wonder?"

"I don't know who it was."

"You never saw them before?"

"No, I mean, I seriously don't know who it was, I just got a text message yesterday with this address." He finished, raising his arms in defeat, obviously just as confused as the injured man before him. "You didn't see anyone?"

"No. One minute I was standing next to you in a graveyard, the next I was in a cave somewhere getting my ass kicked. After that, well, I woke up to your ugly mug."

"You don't remember anything else? Not even what attacked you?"

"Didn't really see it. Did you call the number back?"

"I'm not an idiot, Dean. It was unavailable."

"Cool your jets." Dean mumbled as his eyes began to slide closed once again, the short conversation stealing away all of his new found energy. "So." He began, looking over himself, then to his brother.

"So, what?"

"Did you do this?" He asked, pulling loosely at the bandages around his ribs, almost as though he were afraid of the answer.

"Not me, it must have been your mysterious savior."

"Man." Dean mumbled again, a look somewhere between mortified and disgusted crossing his face. "I don't like strange people touching me."

"Well, I'm sure that whoever it was didn't really like touching you either."

"Shut up, bitch."

"Jerk." Sam answered, watching as his brother's tired eyes finally fell closed. He sat on the bed for a few more minutes, watching as Dean's chest rose and fell, listening to his soft snoring as he eased into sleep. He couldn't believe his luck, his brother obviously having been put through hell. But someone saved him, someone brought him here, bandaged him, and then called Sam. Someone knew enough not to get the hospitals involved, but still how to care for his brother.

And it suddenly dawned on him. 'K' was a hunter, or someone tied to the lifestyle. But at that moment, Sam thought as he pulled out his laptop, still sitting on his brother's bed, 'K' could be a raving lunatic for all he cared, as long as his brother was safe. He leaned his back against the headboard, taking one more look at his sleeping brother, before turning on the computer, research on his mind. But there was so much he wanted to know, and so little information, that he didn't know where to start.

Five hours later Sam was, if anything, more annoyed then when his Internet search began. From what he knew Valley was a typical small town with nothing much to offer except food and rest to the weary traveler. He also found that there were a lot of people who's name began with 'K'. From Kenny Abrone, to Kelly Zafros, K. Branding to K. Harrison, and hundreds more besides, there were just far to many to really mean anything. Besides, Sam thought dryly as he closed the computer, who's to say that 'K' was even from this area, they could have just been passing through. The young man again pushed the lingering sense that there was something he was missing from his mind and leaned over to wake his brother, worried about the man's long silence.

"Hey, wake up." He spoke softly as he shook his brother's arm gently, the older man's eyes fluttering slowly.

"Go away."

"You gotta wake up."

"Why?"

"Because, you need to eat something."

"No thanks."

"It wasn't up for debate."

"Dude, just leave me alone."

"Come on, Dean. Wake up."

"Uuhhh."

"I need to get some food in you, and I wanna check your bandages."

"Fine. What's for dinner?"

"Soup."

"Where'd you get that from?"

"It was left in the cupboard with our names on it, there was soda and water in the fridge, too."

"What the hell, was I rescued by Martha Steward?"

"From the looks of it."

"Hey, Sam." Dean began, as Sam went to the small kitchen to begin dinner, his senses spinning with each new discovery. Someone really had thought of everything. "I think we should go back to the grave, see if we can pick up the trail from there."

"Dude, I looked around there for six days, I couldn't find anything."

"Well then, where do you suggest we start, Samantha." Dean chided as he pulled his tired and sore body up the bed, resting his back against the headboard, his face twisting as he looked once more at the bandages. '_At least they left my pants on.'_ He thought sarcastically, shivering a bit in the cool room.

"Why don't we just count ourselves lucky and move on?"

"Sam!"

"Dean!"

"We can't just turn our backs on this."

"Why not. Look, hear me out. You're fine, I'm glad, but whoever found you obviously doesn't want us to find them."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"Not too much." He answered sheepishly. The truth of the matter was the it bothered him a lot. Dean was his brother, he should have been the one to find him, to save him, not some mysterious stranger that didn't even wait around to see if Sam found the motel.

"Sam."

"Fine. But can we at least wait till you're feeling better?"

"Nope, trail will get cold. Just make dinner, we can get going after that."

"Whatever."

"Did our mystery person leave anything?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, what's the name the room's under?"

"John Smith."

"Original. Maybe they dropped something?"

"No, I didn't find anything."

"Well, there has to be a trail somewhere, people don't just vanish."

Sam wanted to scream that they did, that he had, that their father had, but he remained silent, his mind falling on the note in his pockets, and the single letter it was signed with. His mind was telling him to pay attention, to be alert, to search. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why he was being so secretive, why he hadn't told his brother of the note. There was something about this place that Sam knew he should remember, something he was sure his brother would remember and he wanted to figure it out on his own. He needed to know, and he didn't need his older brother worrying about him while he searched for the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

_Finally!!!! i think the document manager hates me, it took forever to upload this. sorry about that, i really did want it up earlier. thank you again for all the reviews, i hope you enjoy this chapter. the mystery deepens. _

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 3

Sam sat in uncomfortable silence as the impala raced down the road, the younger Winchester pushing hard on the accelerator, his mind anywhere but in the car. He felt guilty, there was no other way to describe it. What was that story again, Sam thought, oh yeah, the Ticking Heart. Yes, that described the way he was feeling as the still air around him continued to bear down on his senses. He had lied to his brother, told him there was no trace left by their mysterious helper, that he didn't really know what town they were in. But then, he didn't know why he felt so bad about it. It wasn't like it was the first time he had purposefully withheld information from the older man, he had done it plenty of times. He had kept his acceptance letters hidden for an entire summer, and he had managed to skirt around his visions for longer.

But something was telling him that this time was different, this time he should tell the truth. And Sam decided then and there that he was going to ignore all the wisdom his inner mind was trying to impart on him and keep his mouth shut. He needed to find out who could do what he could not, he needed to know how to be better, so that next time, he would be able to help his brother on his own. Dean never needed help saving him, so why should he be unable to return the favor. Yes, Sam knew his pride was getting the better of him, but at that moment, he really didn't care.

His brother had been sitting sideways in the passenger seat, his long body stretched out the best he could as he leaned his back against the car door, his feet mere inches from Sam's. It couldn't be comfortable, that much Sam knew, and he had tried to explain that to his injured brother, but no, Dean Winchester did not sit in the back of his own car. Or at least, that was what 'Dean Winchester' stubbornly told his little brother when it became clear that Sam wasn't going to let him drive. Sam smiled, if there was one thing his brother was, it was a stubborn ass.

Sam's attention was stolen from the road when his brother began to squirm and mumble beside him, his eye lids fluttering quickly, as his breathing grew shallow. Sam pulled the car off to the shoulder of the deserted road as quickly as he could before turning his full attention to the man sitting beside him, Dean's tired body beginning to tremble as he fought of the nightmare that had overtaken him. Sam could hear him fighting, is mumbling was growing quicker, as was his breathing, his small voice barely breaking through the struggle for air.

"No... Stop... Help me, please."

"Dean." Sam spoke as firmly as he could, his own hand trembling as he placed in on his brother's shoulder, shaking him gently. He hated hearing his older brother in pain, hated hearing him calling out for help, struggling alone with no one to help. He knew it was just a nightmare, but at that moment it was real to Dean. And that made it real to Sam too. He knew how devastating dreams could be, he had experienced that first hand, and he would do anything to keep Dean from having to suffer through them as well. "Come on, Dean, wake up. It's ok."

"Leave me alone... I'm sorry... Please."

"Dean!" Sam stated louder, his body tensing as his brother continued to call out for help, the older man's voice quiet and weak. And suddenly Sam knew how Dean must feel, the torment is brother must go through every time he had his visions. Sam was sure that he had never felt more helpless in all his life, his brother trapped in the throws of his internal torture and Sam left with nothing to do but watch and wait. It was awful.

"Sammy!" Dean sprang up with a start, his eyes open wide, searching the small space for any sign of his brother.

"I'm right here, Dean." Sam answered smoothly, resting a hand on his brother's still shaking shoulder, turning the older man's head towards him, his green eyes still searching wildly. Dean relaxed slightly as his searching gaze finally found his brother, his sweat covered body falling back weakly into the seat, as his breathing evened out slowly.

"Where are we?"

"In the car. We're on our way back to Jeremy Swan's grave."

"Why?"

"Why? Because you thought it would be a good place to pick up the trail."

"What trail?"

"Dean, are you messing with me?"

"No, Sam, I'm serious, what trail?"

"The trail of the person who found you." Sam began completely at a loss, his brother's face staring back in confusion.

"You didn't find me?"

"We've been over this. You got pulled away when we were at the grave."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"And then I found you bandaged up in a motel room."

"You didn't bandage me?"

"No, I didn't."

"The mystery person left soup, too. Didn't they?"

"Yeah, they did."

"I thought I was dreaming."

"No, that was all real."

"Dude, a strange person touched me."

"Get over it. What else were you dreaming about?"

"Who says I was dreaming about something else?"

"Because you were thrashing around and asking for help. And don't tell me that was because some stranger took your shirt off."

"It was nothing."

"Bull."

"I just thought, I mean. I thought I was back in the cave again. Back with that thing."

"Do you remember anything else about it?" Sam asked smoothly, the fear in his brother's eyes unnerving him.

"Besides getting my ass kicked. No."

"And you still don't know what it looked like?"

"It was like a shadow, I never really saw it. But I sure as hell felt it."

"You kept saying 'leave me alone' and 'I'm sorry'. What did that thing do to you?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter." Dean stated firmly, he really didn't want to talk about it.

"It sure as hell does. You don't say stuff like that when nothing is happening to you."

"I said it when I was dreaming, it's like a drunken telephone call, it doesn't count."

"Thing again. You can tell me, I can help."

"I'm fine, Sam. Let's just keep moving, I want to figure this all out as soon as possible."

"Whatever." Yes, his brother was a stubborn ass.

"How far away are we?" Dean asked as he rested his head back against the window, his tired body still trembling, the echoes of his nightmare still fresh in his mind. It had been horrible, but it wasn't something he needed to worry his brother over. '_I'm fine.'_ He told himself as his gaze drifted out the window to the empty landscape before him, the road ahead long and lonely. '_I'm always fine.'_

"About another four hours. There's a town about twenty miles from here, maybe we should stop, get something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, Sam." Dean answered absently still staring out the passenger window.

"Well, we're gonna need gas anyway."

"Fine."

"Dean, are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, Sam, I'm fine. Just drive, do whatever you want."

Sam gave his brother one more long look before turning his attention completely to the road. He was frustrated and Dean wasn't helping. It was bad enough that he wasn't the one who found him in the first place, but now his brother, in typical 'Dean Winchester' style was cutting him off at every turn. Something was wrong with the older man, something was eating away at him, boring itself deep into his soul, and Sam wanted nothing more in the world then to help. But Dean wouldn't have it, so Sam was left to his own inner tirade, and the dusty road before him.

The town was a fairly good size for being in the middle of nowhere, or at least Sam thought so as he wandered through the small convenience store as the attendant gassed up the impala. He wandered through the rows of food, wondering what would entice his brother's taste buds. He knew Dean told him that he wasn't hungry, but well, Sam didn't care. His brother needed to eat, and he was going to eat, even if he had to hold him down and force him. He glanced once more out the large window, afraid to let his brother out of his sight, even if only for a moment.

Sam eyed the local paper as he dumped his purchases across the counter, the name of the city jumping out at him. Meeteetse. The younger man smiled to himself, paying the cashier for his items and gas, he really did hate cities with such awkward names. It wasn't anything against the city, or even the name, it was just the principle of the thing. Places should be easy to pronounce.

There had been a city they had visited often as children and Sam had never been able to say it right, no matter how old he got or how many times he tried. And Dean nearly hyperventilating from laughter never really helped. It was funny really, Sam had solidly proclaimed one day at the age of seven that he would learn the name and learn it right. And now, well, Sam couldn't even remember what the name of that town was or even where it was, but if he ever did, he would be determined to say it right.

Dean sat in the impale, the side of his head pressing against the cool glass, his eyes staring through the large shop window at his brother, though he was not really seeing him, his mind far from that place. Well, maybe not that place, but far from that time. Instead of seeing a twenty four year old Sammy in the window, Dean saw his father searching for something even remotely health for his two small children. He could even hear a little seven year old Sam in the back seat, trying with everything he had in him to say 'Meeteetse', though it came out sounding something like 'mitizzy' every time. And even now, all these year later, Dean still laughed.

In truth, there was much more going though the older man's mind then their search for answers. There always was when hunting brought him back to Wyoming. It reminded him of such a different time, such a different life, a life when the future was still wide open and clear. And it hurt him every time he came back, every time he remembered what could have been and instead saw what really was. He had been hoping he knew who helped him, who bandaged him and called his brother, but no, there would have been a note, something. It was wishful thinking really, he thought as he leaned further back into the seat, what were the chances that his mysterious savior would be the person he thought it might be. Life just didn't work that way. And besides, it had been so long ago, and things change.


	4. Chapter 4

_wow, a Halloween twofer. i got a new chapter up for both Something Lost and By the Wayside. wow!!. thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, i am glad you all like it. hang in there, the mystery will be resolved before you know it :) Happy Halloween. _

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 4

A few hours later the Winchesters were back in Winchester, Sam standing in the darkened graveyard from which Dean had disappeared a week before. The night around him was still and silent, the cemetery surprisingly peaceful for what the boy knew it held. Or, what it had held. But now, there seemed to be nothing. The EMF meter sat quiet in the younger man's hand as his sharp brown eyes scanned the land around him. But, everything seemed normal. And finally, for the first time in a week, Sam let himself relax. He had been afraid that the person who saved Dean had not been able to take care of his attacker, and he knew that his older brother would not be able to fight it off again. Though he was sure that the stubborn man would try.

Dean grumbled and wrapped his arms further around himself, scowling as he watched from the car as his little brother scanned the bone yard. He didn't know how it happened, and if asked he would never admit to it, but somehow Sam had won the argument, and so Dean remained in the car. There was really no good reason why he had suddenly chosen now to listen to his brother, and he wasn't even sure that he was listening. His mind was in just too many places to think very straight. Though he vowed that he would never forget the look of triumphant confusion that crossed his little brother's face when he agreed to stay behind.

The truth of the matter was that he really didn't want to meet up with whatever it was that had taken him before, though something in the back of his mind told him that it was no longer in the cemetery. It had been awful, terrifying, and gruesome, and every time he closed his eyes he relived the experience all over again. He could have sworn that dying was less painful, less horrifying, less devastating, the ordeal was that bad. But he would never tell his little brother that, he would never worry Sam with the torture he had endured those few days.

Ever since he had awoken in that motel room he had been searching his mind trying to dig up every memory, ever image that it possessed. He forced himself to recall every little detail, no matter how horrible, his tired brain had been able to process, but he had been able to come up with anything. He hadn't really seen the attacker, at least nothing more then an undefined shadow, but that wasn't really what he had been straining his mind to find. He couldn't believe that he didn't see who had found him, didn't remember any of his treatment, not even the merest second of his trip to the motel. Everything was just darkness, not even enough for his imagination to build on. He wanted to know, had to know who was looking after him, who had saved Sam from becoming an only child.

A sudden rapping on the window made the older Winchester jump in his seat, his cracked ribs firing in protest at the sudden movement. His tired eyes looked up to see his brother, looking both frustrated and confused as he rounded the car and hopped into the driver's seat, a apologetic look spreading across his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's usually what happens when you sneak up on people. Did you find anything?" He added, wincing as he shifted his stiff body, trying to find a comfortable spot in the cramped car.

"You can stretch out in the back." Sam began innocently, though all he was met with was his brother's scowling eyes. "And to answer your question, no. No sulfur sin, no EMF readings, no dead grass, nothing. Everything's just, normal."

"That's good, I didn't really feel like dealing with steroid casper tonight anyway. What about people tracks?"

"I couldn't find anything. Besides, we don't even know if the person that found you was here. Whatever attacked you took you somewhere else."

"Well, we could always follow my tracks."

"Dude, I tried that for six days, you didn't leave any tracks to follow."

"Maybe you missed something."

"You know what, whatever. We'll look in the morning."

"What the hell has your panties in a twist?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Look, Dean, I searched this area none stop for _six_ days. I questioned every local I could find, and I read every book the library had. So don't you sit there and tell me that I didn't try hard enough." Sam yelled, his fists clenching so tight that his knuckles had begun to turn white. Everything, the entire past week, had all been too much for the younger man, the stress nearly being the end of him. He had lost his brother and he had been unable to find him, to help him, while god knows what was happening to him. He felt like a failure, worthless compared to his big brother, and the last this he needed was Dean telling him he may have missed something, because, honestly, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he had.

"Whoa, Sammy, calm down, I didn't meant anything by it, it was just an observation."

"I'm sorry." Sam began, rubbing his hands over his face as he tried to steady his breathing. "I'm just tired. Let's just find a motel and get some rest."

"Sure, Sam. You know, you don't need to feel guilty. I'm fine." Dean began, finally seeing just how rundown his little brother was. He should have known Sam would be blaming himself for not being able to find him, self degradation was what the Winchesters were best at after all.

"You're far from fine." Sam began through clenched teeth, his eyes staring down the road as though it had wronged him somehow, the impala gaining speed as the younger man pushed hard on the gas. "You would tell me you were fine after both your arms fell off."

"It'd just be a flesh wound."

"I'm being serious, man. You're not fine, you're beat to hell, and." Sam immediately stopped himself, he really had no desire to talk about his week from hell, especially not with the brother he'd nearly lost forever.

"And what, Sammy? And you shouldn't have let it happen, you should have found me first."

"Yeah, I should have. Dean, some stranger found you, some stranger took care of you. You're _my _family, not someone else's, I should have been there for you, not someone we don't know."

"Look, Sam, I'm ok, I'm sitting right here next to you."

"No thanks to me." Sam mumbled barely audible.

"What?"

"I said, no thanks to me. If it weren't for this... Person... You'd be dead right now, and I would still be searching for you like a chicken with my head chopped off."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Dean, all my life you have always been there for me, hell, you even found me at the Bender's. And now, the one time you needed my help, where the hell was I?"

"That wasn't the first time. You saved me from an ugly scarecrow."

"Well, if you really look at it, that was my fault too. I mean, if I didn't storm off."

"Oh, come on. I was trying to give you a compliment. Look, I would never choose another hunting partner over you. We're a good team, and you've saved my ass loads of times. Hell, if it weren't for you I would have died of a heart attack like, two years ago."

"Yeah, and some poor guy died."

"Oh, my god. Just stop talking. Look, I see a motel up a head, just, pull in and get us a room."

A few minutes later that impala roared into the parking lot of the Big Mountain motel. The place was nicer then many of the others they had stayed at, and the price reflected it, but they were both tired, and Sam was sure, that one more brooding comment and he would find himself behind pushed from a moving vehicle.

A middle aged man smiled warmly at Sam as he entered the lobby, the place brightly lit, and cozily decorated. "Hello young man, how can I help you tonight?"

"Two queens please." He answered absently as he pulled a credit card from his wallet, 'Connor Matthews' being kind enough to foot the bill.

"Glad to see that poor guy up and about again." The man commented lightly, pulling Sam from his inner brooding. "He was such an awful mess before." The man continued, eyeing Dean as he leaned against the car, stretching his injured body.

"What? You've seen him?" Sam's head shot up, his eyes wide and shocked.

"Yeah, about three days ago. Guy told me it was his cousin, said poor kid got jumped in an alley."

"And you're sure it's the same guy?"

"Positive. Don't really forget a guy that beat to hell and still not going to the hospital. But his cousins or whoever they were, they were instant. Didn't want police involved and such."

"Is the room they were in available?"

"Yeah, sure it is." The man stated cheerfully, handing over the room key. "You tell that boy that I'm gad he's all right, and I think he should press charges."

"He really doesn't remember much, and we don't want him to have to relive anything." Sam lied, his face softening, puppy dog eyes melting the friendly man's heart even further.

"Yeah, guess it must have been pretty traumatizing."

"Yeah, it was. By the way, you said 'they' dropped him off."

"Yeah, older guy, about my age, near fifty, came in asking for a room, all bloodied and banged up, said he pulled his young cousin out of a fight. He was with a woman about the same age. I saw someone else at the room later too, came by with some food and stuff I guess, all's I saw was a bunch of bags."

"What did the third person look like?"

"Didn't really get a good look, it was pretty dark, couldn't even tell if it was a guy or a girl in the shadows like that. Had a hat on, covered all the hair."

"If you had to guess." Sam began, the man's smile faltering under the interrogation. "Another one of my cousins in missing, we think it may have had something to do with that fight."

"Oh, I really don't know. Short guy, tall girl, average build, like I said, it was dark and some of the lights down there are out."

"Ok, thanks for all your help."

"No problem kid, hope you find your cousin."

"I think we hit the jackpot." Sam began when he reached the car, his brother staring at him over the top. "The guy in there recognizes you."

"What!"

"He says you were in here three days ago, a man and woman in their fifties brought you in, said that you were their cousin and you were beat up in an alley. And later someone else showed up with a few bags, but the guy said he couldn't make them out in the dark."

"Guy or girl?"

"He didn't know. But I got the same room you were in before."

"You really think they left something behind?"

"No, but at least we're a little closer."

"See, that's the kind of half full attitude I'm looking for." Dean smiled his first true smile since the whole thing began and climbed stiffly back into the car. Sam just shook his head, smiling too, as he drove over to room number twelve, and hopefully, a few more answers.


	5. Chapter 5

_thank you all again for the wonderful reviews. hope you all enjoy the next chapter. :) ps: enjoy the new episode tonight._

D: same as before. dont sue me. :)

**SOMETHING LOST **

Chapter 5

Sam laid in the darken motel room, his eyes staring unseeingly up at the cracked ceiling, his mind unable to rest. The minutes ticked by like hours and, had anyone asked, Sam would have sworn that he had been in that small room for days. Everything was just becoming too much for him, his world slowly spiraling out of control. There had been no sign of the three mysterious strangers in the room, but then, Sam didn't really think there would be. Hell, the only reason he even asked for the same room was to feel like he had made some progress, even if it was only imaginary.

Truthfully, the younger Winchester didn't even know why they were still looking. Dean was safe and fine, and there was no trace of the thing that had taken him. So, in reality, their job was done. But then, this was much more then just a job. Besides, according to the letter, Sam 'owed' them one, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. After all, he had no idea who these people were, or what side they were on. Maybe they were using Dean's safe return as a form of blackmail, and maybe he would be the one to pay if Sam didn't keep up his end of the deal. And Sam suddenly found his tired brain stuffed with even more worst case scenarios.

His mind drifted back to the note that was still hidden in his pocket, his thoughts racing, searching, for anything, any face that he could put to the letter, but there was still nothing. He knew that he should tell his brother, that he should quite being so secretive, but a little voice in that back of his head kept telling him to keep his mouth shut. It wasn't that he was worried about getting his brother mad, no, that he did on a regular basis, it was that he didn't know how the older man would react. He was sure that Dean knew who 'K' was, or at least knew enough about their fellow hunters to find out.

And Sam was positive that his big brother would leave him out of the loop. It was always that way when it came to the other hunters, and the events of the past year had only proved to reinforce his brother's protectiveness. Sam knew he was different, that he had a tie to the Demon, and that scared him to no end. But what he had never expected, what he had never been prepared for, was the reaction from the rest of the small hunting community. Many saw Sam as nothing more then the things they were hunting, the evils of the world that needed to be erased, and those that didn't chose to keep a low profile rather then help the brothers. And so, as of late, it had been just he and Dean, and even Sam had started to believe that that was enough.

But he knew, deep down, that it wasn't and that they did indeed need help. And Sam hoped that somehow this person or these people were different, that they were the kind of people Sam wanted to know, needed to know, and he wasn't about to let his brother shield him from them.

A small moan from the bed beside him grabbed the younger man's attention, the noise growing louder and more fearful with each passing second. Sam pushed himself up as quickly as he could, his eyes immediately falling on the sweaty and pale form of his brother, kicking feebly at the blankets as his head rocked back and forth, as though trying to throw the images from his mind.

"No... Please... I'm sorry... Please... Leave me alone." Dean mumbled fiercely in his sleep, his voice strained and breaking, eyes clenched tight against his internal attacker.

Sam sat slowly on the bed beside him, gently holding his shoulders as he tried to force the older man to still, all the while whispering quietly to him, telling him everything was all right, that he was safe. Sam didn't know what else to do, his brother didn't have nightmares, his brother didn't get scared. Well unless you count planes and rats, but those weren't really fears, they were just more quirks for his older brother's very quirky personality. And the younger boy had to suppress a smile as he felt his brother still beneath him, his breathing evening out. How could someone who fought off wendigos and werewolves be afraid of rats?

"Sam." Dean whispered as his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey, how're you doing?"

"I'm fine. Why are you sitting on my bed?"

"You were having a nightmare."

"I don't think that requires cuddling."

Sam noticed that he had indeed been nearly hugging Dean, his left arm around the older man's shoulders, right hand still resting on his chest. He immediately pulled away and moved to sit on his own bed, shooting his injured brother death glares the entire time. But all he was met with was his older brother's trade mark smirk and sarcasm.

"It's ok, Sam. Do you need a hug?" He asked evenly, almost seriously.

"Shut up."

"Have you slept?"

"I've _not_ slept."

"Damn it, Sam, your gonna run yourself into the ground. And besides, I saw something on the news that people who don't sleep get dumber."

"But you sleep all the time."

"Bitch."

"Jerk. You gonna tell me what you were dreaming about?"

"No."

"Dean."

"Hot bikini clad girls on a beach."

"And that required you yelling: no, please help me, and let me go?"

Dean's smile just grew wider as his eyes took on a mischievous glint. "Oh yes it can, Sammy. You see, the first girl, wow, she was smokin, and she did this thing..."

"Stop, shut up, I'm sorry I asked."

"I thought you wanted to hear about my dream?"

"I take it back, I prefer to be kept in suspense."

"You're such a girl." Dean mumbled as he shifted in the bed, trying in vain to find a comfortable position. His body really was killing him, and he wished that he had indeed been dreaming about girls on a beach, but that, unfortunately, was not the case. He had been dreaming of the cave again, of the unknown assailant that had trapped him there, and of the pain, of the violence he had to endure. It was so real, he could have sworn that he felt everything all over again, his body ridged with fear and pain. Every cut, every punch, every burn, he felt it all, screaming through his veins like before, all so real that he could barely stand it.

"Dean!"

"What?" He asked startled, fear and alarm evident in his brother's voice.

"You're bleeding."

"What?" He looked down at the beige blanket wrapped around his body and, to his surprise, saw a pool of crimson spreading across the fabric, growing from one of his many healing injuries. "I must have pulled some stitches."

"Let me look."

"No." Dean stated tiredly, pulling the blankets up to his chin.

"Now who's being the girl. Come on, dude, let me see." Sam commented as he turned on the bedside lamp and pulled the covers off his brother. He couldn't help but notice the fear that lingered in the older man's eyes, as well as the fact that his body was still trembling and sweaty. He was terrified, that much the younger boy could see, and he wasn't about to let his brother's petulance derail his concern.

He peeled back the blankets slowly, revealing his brother's bare and bandaged chest, his eyes growing wider as he took in the state of Dean's torso. The wrappings were soaking up the blood, but Sam could see that its source wasn't beneath them. There, down the side of his brother's body was a long, deep, and definitely new cut. But, that wasn't the worst of it. Up and down Dean's arms were a number of burns and new bruises, all very fresh and very real. Something had attacked his brother, beat him and tormented him, while Sam lay awake by his side.

But there was no way, Sam would have seen it, he would have heard it. He had been wide awake, his brother a mere two feet away, he would have seen something break into the room and attack him. '_Obviously not'_, his mind snapped at him as he took inventory of his brother's injuries, '_since here he is beaten to hell again, and this time right next to you.'_ And for the hundredth time in the past week the younger Winchester felt completely helpless. His brother was still suffering, still in danger, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. And suddenly, the tired young man felt like a complete failure.

"Dean, these injuries are fresh."

"I know, I can remember the past week."

"No, I mean, fresh like, within the hour. They haven't even started to heal."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The cut on your side." Sam stated as he began to clean the wound, his body relaxing when he noticed that, though deep, it would not require stitching. "And the burns, they just happened."

"What?" Dean began and Sam couldn't help but look up at the raw fear he heard in his voice. He had to be strong, had to stay strong, if not for himself then for Dean. He couldn't wallow in self pity, not now, not when it was obvious that his brother needed him.

"Its ok, Dean, they don't look too bad. I'm just gonna clean and bandage them."

"Sam, I dreamt that it was happening."

"I thought you were dreaming about hot girls." Sam joked, wanting and needed to chase the fear from his brother's tortured eyes.

"Yeah, they were hardcore." The older man answered halfheartedly.

"Dean, these bruises, they're the same as the older ones, from the cave."

"I know. Every time I close my eyes I'm back there. I can feel it all over again. What the hell's happening, Sammy?" Sam's heart broke and the sheer desperation lacing through his brother's words. Dean was scared, being attacked while he slept, and Sam knew, then and there, that they needed help on this one, his pride be damned.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out. Hey, Dean."

"Yeah."

"There was a note."

"Huh?"

"On the door where I found you. There was a note."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I mean, you're my brother, I should have found you."

"What did it say?"

" 'you owe me one... K.' But I have no clue who that is. Dean?" Sam looked up into his brother's face, his features tightening and sagging, his eyes growing wide, but still dulling. And it was heart breaking to witness. Sam was right, Dean knew who this mysterious 'K' was, but the younger man had not been expecting this reaction. He could see his brother melting away, his face unbelievably sad as his mind drifted back into a long buried memory. It was the same look that crossed his face every time he thought about Mary, every time he let his mind drift to the possibility of what if, of what else he could have had besides the hunt. And Sam found himself not just wanting, but needing to know every thing there was about the person behind his brother's memories.


	6. Chapter 6

_:) thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, i am so so glad you like it, and i am glad the mystery still has everyone guessing. dont worry, i wont keep you in the dark for too long. this chapter got away from my, so it is a little longer. also, for all those who have not been able to see the new episodes, (i went to school in Ireland so i know what you are going through) i will try my best to leave my stories spoiler free. all the episodes have been amazing so far, especially No Exit, that i would hate to ruin it for anyone. _

_ok, that is enought from me. enjoy the chapter. :)_

D: this is just for fun, no money will be made.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 6

The car ride had been long and quiet, the past six hours blurring by the brothers like the landscape beyond the windows. Everything was different, everything had shifted, and Sam could feel it. A part of him wished that he had never told Dean of the note, that they had just found each other and moved on, while the other part of him wished he had told his brother right off the bat. Either way, both halves of his mind were completely against the path the young man had actually chosen, which, in retrospect, really wasn't fair. He really, honestly, did not think that his brother would react the way that he had, that he would have shut out Sam entirely, that anger and hurt could overwhelm him so completely.

The silence within the car was deafening, pushing down on the younger Winchester's conscience as he drove, barreling over all of his own emotions until all he felt was his brother's sadness. There was something about this person and this place that Dean had locked away a long time ago, something that occupied a place in his mind and heart that the older man never let the outside world see, and Sam wasn't too sure he wanted to witness his brother's hidden memories first hand.

No, the look on his big brother's face when he told him of the note was enough. It was a look of absolute betrayal, like Sam had purposefully hidden the meaning of life from him. His eyes were accusing and lost, his breathing heavy and forced, and his voice, so unlike the voice Sam was used to hearing. It was hollow yet still somehow full of hope, as though something he had been waiting to hear finally reached his longing ears.

But the anger, the hurt, that was still evident in the single word he spoke, the only thing that told Sam of the importance of the situation. 'Drive.' And that had been five hours and fifty minutes ago. And so, Sam drove along the empty highway, passing by all they had seen not even a full day before as they made their way back to Valley, Wyoming.

"Dean?" Sam began tentatively, sparing a glance at the quiet man. His head was leaning against the window once again, just like it had been the entire drive to Winchester, just as it had been for the last six hours. The younger man could see the depth in his eyes, see his soul through the moss green orbs. He was cracking, splintering, and falling, and he had been for well over two years. But suddenly, ever since the note, something in those eyes had changed, something in his demeanor had lightened. He look both expectant and afraid, eager, and shy. And Sam wanted to know why.

"Just drive, Sammy." Dean answered, his voice flat and empty, his head never leaving the window, eyes still searching the landscape.

"I'm sorry."

"A little half-assed, wouldn't you say?"

"Look, man, I didn't know you would take this so hard."

"Sure."

"Why are you being just a jerk about it? I mean, it's just a note."

"Just shut up and drive." Dean didn't really want to talk to Sam at that moment, hell, if he could have had it his way he wouldn't have talked to anyone. His mind was so full that he thought it might explode as all the events of the past few days suddenly came bearing down on him. He couldn't believe his brother had failed to tell him of the note, had kept something so important to himself. He felt betrayed, pushed aside, unneeded. And now, worst of all, was that fact that Sam was pretending he couldn't remember someone who had nearly changed Dean's life. That his little brother had become so focused on his own world, on his own wants and needs that he had pushed something so meaningful from his mind. After all, it was this place that had made Sam want a normal life to begin with.

"What the hell's wrong with you? Why the hell are we even looking for this 'K' person? To say thank you?"

"You know, I'm really not in the mood for your crap right now."

"What crap? Dean, you look like some one just kicked a puppy."

"Look, you can mumble on over there like a little prick, but don't expect me to chime in."

"Dean!"

"What?"

"I said I was sorry. I don't know what else you want from me."

"Stop playing dumb."

"How the hell am I playing dumb?"

"You know."

"No, Dean, I don't."

"Yes, you do. You're so quick to justify your own point of view, so determined to make your own choices seem like the right ones. Our lives weren't that bad, Sammy, we had good memories. But no, the only things you care about are the bad times, the mistakes, anything that makes your decision to run away seemed justified. Hell, you even forgot me for a few years, too. So don't sit there and say you're sorry when there's something here that I want, something I might be able to find. I've given up everything for this family, every choice I ever had was made for me. Why are you pretending you don't remember? So you can feel better about ignoring it all, feel better about leaving everything behind?"

"Dean, I didn't forget you."

"Yeah, sure."

"I didn't."

"Sam I didn't even get so much as a phone call after you left, I didn't hear your voice for two years, so don't tell me you didn't forget me, that you didn't over look me."

"Dean, there was just so much going on."

"Sure, Sammy."

"I didn't forget you, and I didn't forget anything about growing up."

"What about Valley?"

"I've never been here before."

"Yes you have."

"Well I seriously don't remember."

"You know what, you're right, you don't remember, so to hell with it. This is my life, not yours so just forget it."

"No. You can't just dump crap on me like that. You can't blame me for something I have no control over. I don't know this place. I don't know this person." Sam yelled, waving the note towards Dean as he kept his eyes focused on the road before them. "And I didn't run away, I went to school. It's not my fault you never stood up to Dad. You had choices, Dean, you were just too much of a daddy's boy to make them."

"Stop the car, let me out."

"Why?"

"Just let me out, I'll hitch a ride, just, leave me alone and go on your merry way."

"Dean?" Sam couldn't think of anything else to say, he had never seen his brother so mad, so hurt, so beside himself with raw emotion. Hell, he had just told him to take his beloved car and leave.

"No, Sam. I'm tired of defending my life to you. You think it was easy living up to Dad's expectations, to be the perfect little solider when I was nine years old? Hell, I wasn't even his son anymore. I tried to break away, I tried to have my own life, I tried to have it for both of us. And you wanna know what I lost, you wanna know what I sacrificed? This!" He shouted, motioning to the countryside flying past the windows, the small city of Valley coming into view over a ridge. "This is what I lost." He stated again, his voice breaking. "I tried, Sammy. And the least you could do is try to remember."

Sam just stared at his brother, but at that moment the man sitting beside him was more of a stranger. He had never really thought about what his brother had given up, what he had left behind, turned his back on for the sake of his family. He had always seen the older man as the perfect son, the born hunter, the eternal wanderer. Dean was the open road, he was the big sky, the definition of a hunter. But, he was also human. And that was something Sam had never really seen until that moment. And he suddenly found himself taking in the town before him with new interest, seeing the buildings around him like old forgotten friends, familiar faces that his mind could simply not place. He knew that he should know that place, every fiber of his being had been telling him that for days, but he just couldn't remember, no matter how hard he tried.

"Turn up here." Dean stated evenly as they entered the town. The place looked like it had fallen off the map long ago, the paint of the buildings dulling and chipping, grass short and dried, yet still carefully cut. It was a nice place, though it had obviously passed its prime, the shop windows small and dusty, the streets narrow and winding. All in all, it was a quaint and cozy little town, and Sam could feel himself warming to it.

"Where are we going?"

"Nowhere. Bare left up ahead, then make the second left."

"I really am sorry, you know."

"Yeah. Just follow this road, make the first right after the creek."

Sam let out a long sigh, following the directions his brother had memorized who knows how long ago. When had everything spiraled so far out of control? They had come to Wyoming for a simple salt and burn, end of story, so how had it come to this? He had never seen his brother look so travel worn, so tired, and it was unnerving. Dean had always been his hero, always been so big and strong, that Sam had utterly failed to notice just how tired and distant he had become. But then, so much of their lives had changed, so many secrets had been revealed, so many foundations shaken, that there was no way that they wouldn't falter.

Dean had built his life on what he thought he understood, what he believed to be true. He had thought that his father never made mistakes, that he would win against the darkness every time, and then watched the man stumble more then either son thought he could. He had believed in the righteousness of what they were doing, destroying the supernatural, and then he met beings that did not kill. And now, here, in this small town, was something that had always held a very special part of his brother's mind, and Sam was terrified. Things would be different, things were always different, and he wasn't sure his brother could handle that.

"Just follow this road, about a mile."

Sam did as he was told, the dusty dirt road grinding beneath the impala's tires, filling the early summer air with a light brown haze. The fields, the forests, the small river, the lonely little road, it all jumped back into the younger Winchester's mind with a fury. '_The house on the hill.'_ He thought, there was a big house on a hill, alone on the road. It was old, very old, but very inviting, bordered by a large yard and forest, and a small lake at the end of a trial. It was all so clear in the young man's mind, so crisp, so real. He remembered that house, and he had always wondered where the memory had come from.

He once told Jessica it was just a place he dreamed of, his vision of normal and safe, of a happy life. He could remember sitting up late a night, Jessica's head in his lap, both telling each other how wonderful it would be to live in that house, to be a part of that imaginary place. It was like a home to him, like a shelter in an ever darkening storm, and as the road slowly turned, and the old house came into view Sam could feel his heart starting to race.

"I know this place."

"I told you."

"No, I mean. I didn't think it was real."

"What?"

"I mean, I don't remember ever being here, but I remember it. I thought I made it up or something."

"Dude, you're mind is twisted." Dean smirked as they continued slowly up the drive, the black car passing the remains of a fence and mailbox, the name 'Harrison' barely visible against the old weathered metal.

It was nowhere near as homey as Dean had remembered it, the entire place looking like it was on the road to disrepair, the paint old and chipping, grass dead and unkept, the two outlying sheds looking like one strong wind would bring them down. But it was still the same house, still the giant structure he had remembered, that he had missed. He just hoped his long trip back wouldn't be for nothing.

"It doesn't look like anyone lives here anymore." Sam commented as he brought the impala to a stop, both men surveying the property as they climbed from the car, Dean leaning heavily against the door as he tried to stretch his injured body.

"Yeah." Dean sighed as he gazed up again at the large house, the overcast day weighing down on his soul even more. '_It was wishful thinking, anyway.'_ "Lets just give it a once over."

"Sure." Sam relented, letting his brother lead the way. He knew that the place was probably deserted, and by the looks of it, it had been so for quite sometime, but he knew how much this all mean to Dean. This was were 'K' must have lived, either that, or some place the mystery person frequented. Sam continued to let his mind wander as he followed his brother to the back of the house, the steep hill dropping off as the basement level came into view, the old stone walls of the ground floor showing the building's true age.

Sam guessed that it had once been a pretty formidable place, most likely owned by some mine owner who had hit it big, the house standing at a total of four floor, while other smaller buildings dotted the large property around it. Sam knew the layout of the house, knew it by heart though he could not remember ever having been inside. It was strange, really, everything around him was so familiar, so comforting, that he suddenly found himself berating his mind, scolding him memories for ever forgetting such a place.

"Huh." Sam began, his eyes falling on one of the dilapidated sheds. "Maybe someone is home." He continued, pointing towards the black car parked just inside the doors, the vehicle looking to be in better shape then the entire house.

"69' firebird." Dean whispered, a smile spreading across his face, his eyes brighter then they had been in a long time. "Thank god."

"Why?" But any answer was cut off by the sound of metal banging against metal echoing up to them from the open doors of the basement.

Dean motioned for his brother to remain quiet and behind him as he stealthily made his way to the door, slipping silently into the gloomy room beyond. The basement was huge and spacious, various work benches dividing the area into sections. Three large furnaces lined the far wall while the rest of the area was home to so many different types of tools that Sam found himself unable to make heads or tales of their purposes. And there, standing at the far end of the room, their back to the boys was a lone figure.

Sam couldn't tell if it was a man or a women, the individual clad in an oversized jacket and thick gloves, their hair hidden beneath a backwards baseball cap and face concealed by a welder's mask. Whoever it was leaning over the table, torch in one hand, welding together an iron frame, completely unaware of the Winchester's presence as a shower of sparks continued to cascade from the table.

"So." Dean began, the figure before them not even flinching as he spoke. "What do I owe you?"

"Oh, you know, Winchester. A pile of gold and your undying admiration." The person before them answered, and, much to Sam's surprise, the voice was unmistakably that of a woman.

_Have no fear, there be no girlfriends here. ok, enough of channeling pirates. :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_i want to say thank you all again for the wonderful reviews. i am so glad you like it. sorry it took a little longer to update but i wanted to get the next chapter of 'by the wayside' out first. i hope everyone is still enjoying the mystery. let me know :)_

D: this is all just for fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 7

Sam stood stock still, his mind racing with the latest piece of their very twisted puzzle. This was obviously 'K' that much he was sure of, and his brother knew her, trusted her, and, if Sam didn't know any better, missed her. But who the hell was she? Sam couldn't remember for the life of him. Yes, he knew the house, and yes, he had often dreamt about it, wished that it had been real, but he had never remembered it having inhabitants, never remembered it with any life in it. But here, standing before him, concealed in a dark and dusty basement was its owner, a person that Sam was sure he should have known. Although, it didn't help that she was still covered in an over sized jacket and welder's mask, her features virtually nonexistent beneath her work attire.

"Well, I don't know about admiration, but you'll always have my sympathy." Dean smiled, though he had yet to approach the figure, choosing instead to wander through one of the work stations, surveying the equipment as he eyed the girl. Sam found his brother's behavior strange to say the least, almost as though he were afraid of something, as if one step closer would make the woman before them vanish, fall into the air like a mirage.

"After all my hard work, not even a cookie?"

"Well, maybe a cookie."

"I'll take a rain check, Winchester. I'm glad you're ok." The mystery girl answered, her back still to both boys as she finished up whatever she had been working on. "You know." She began after a few minutes her voice strangely muffled behind the heavy mask. "You didn't have to come hunt me down."

"Of course we did, Aniken."

"Sorry." She said sheepishly, pulling the heavy mask and hat from her head. Sam found himself even more taken back then he had been at the sound of the woman's voice. Truthfully, he had never really formulated an idea about who 'K' could be, his mind had been in far too many other places, the events of the previous week still gnawing at his heart.

He had thought that maybe 'K' was the man who had rented the motel room, or perhaps the woman that had been with him, but those thoughts all flew out the window the minute the real 'K' turned around. She was young and very pretty with dark red hair in a long ponytail, and not what the younger Winchester had been expecting at all. This was, after all, the person that had saved his brother, the person who had tracked down the older man, and rescued him from something so horrible that it was still plaguing his dreams. This was the person that had done what Sam himself could not. He had expected to find someone like his father; big, gruff, and strong, a hunter. But instead, he found a young woman, not even out of her twenties.

"Sam?" She asked in slight amazement, her voice sounding much younger and lighter now that she was free of the helmet. "My god you got tall."

"Yeah." Dean broke in, still keeping his distance, his body holding back while his mind struggled to pull forward. He had been waiting for this moment for so long, thought so much about the person before him, wished so much to speak to her just once more, laugh with her even if it was just over the phone. But it had been so many years, and there had been so many miles put between them that he didn't even think he would look into those piercing blue eyes again. And, now that he was here, he was afraid he may be dreaming. "I always knew I fed him too much."

"He wasn't really the eater, Mr. Garbage Can. As I remember you ate two buckets of mud on a dare."

"Ew, Dean, you what?"

"He double dared me, Sammy. No true man can step down from that."

"I don't think I have ever seen someone throw up so much in my life." K laughed as she moved closer to the two, Dean stepping away slightly. "Though, I have to say, you managed to sit all through dinner before hand. Your dad said you had to eat all the stew before you could be excused. Oh man, I think that was one of the best dinners ever."

"You're evil."

"Hey, I had to be able to keep up with the competition. and besides you had it coming."

"Yeah well, he was never the wiser."

"I still don't think knows about it."

Sam stood silently watching the exchange. He had no doubt what his brother had done, it just seemed like something Dean might do. Hell, Sam was sure that if he dared him right now he would probably repeat it, and he couldn't help but smile at the thought. Dean was laughing, a true, honest laugh, something Sam had not heard for a very long time. He could see his brother relaxing, warming to his old friend, the years that lay between them all but melting away in those few short minutes.

She was a good person, a fun person, that much Sam knew, he could just feel it. He searched his mind over and over again, taking in the woman before him, as he tried desperately to find a memory to match her.

"You're quiet over there, Sam." She began, her laughter dying down, blue eyes turned on him. She was a good height, though still nearly a foot shorter then himself, with the brightest set of eyes he had ever seen and a smile the was genuinely heart warming. And, though she looked fairly young, he figured she must be at least as old as his brother. But she was still a mystery to him, still a blank piece of paper. He could see her, but he didn't feel anything, didn't suddenly fall back into a warm memory, though every part of him wanted to. This was someone who had truly impacted his older brother's life, so much so that her memory never seemed to have faded, and Sam found himself wanting to know her, needing to remember her.

"He doesn't remember you." Dean cut in before Sam had to chance to answer, to even pretend that the girl before him meant something to him. He wanted to smack Dean for being so cruel about it. She obviously knew him, remembered him from when he was young, her smile never wavering as she looked at the brothers. She was something good, and he forgot her. And suddenly Dean's angry words came flying back to him.

_'You're so quick to justify your own point of view, so determined to make your own choices seem like the right ones. Our lives weren't that bad, Sammy, we had good memories. But no, the only things you care about are the bad times, the mistakes, anything that makes your decision to run away seemed justified. Hell, you even forgot me for a few years, too. So don't sit there and say you're sorry when there's something here that I want, something I might be able to find. I've given up everything for this family, every choice I ever had was made for me. Why are you pretending you don't remember? So you can feel better about ignoring it all, feel better about leaving everything behind?"_

Dean was right, he had pushed away everything good in his life, filled his mind with so many bad memories that he had all but erased the good. Someone had been there, something had been right, fun, refreshing, and he destroyed it, left it behind. And he had forced his brother too as well.

"Sorry." He mumbled feebly, looking away from her face. There was really nothing else he could say.

"It's ok, I seem to have that effect on people." She smiled after a moment, though the hurt was still evident in her eyes. She had obviously missed them just as much as Dean had missed her. "I'm Kerri."

A heavy silence fell between the three like sheets of ice, the large house shifting and moaning around them as they stood frozen in time. So much time had passed between them, so many choices made, different roads taken between then and now. They were all different, that much was for sure, the resulting fall out of childhood friends. A sudden and harsh reminder of what could have been and what had actually happened.

"Well, that killed the moment." Dean offered into the overbearing air, his voice louder then intended in the stuffy basement.

"Dean, you blurted out that I forgot her."

"And now the air is clean."

"Whatever, dude. Kerri, I really am sorry. I've been trying so hard to remember, but it's like hitting a brick wall."

"It's ok, Sam. I mean, how old were you the last time I saw you, twelve?"

"But I remember your house. Why not you?"

"You would." Dean mumbled from the corner, the older man still staying a good ten feet away from Kerri.

"Huh?"

"Sam, you loved this house. Every time we got within a few miles of it you would start jumping up and down in the car."

"Really?"

"Would I lie?"

"Yes."

"He's not lying. You used to bolt out of that car, I swear, I don't think I'd ever seen a kid run so fast in my life."

"Yup, straight out of the car, up the stairs, and into the library. You were a geek even then."

"Shut up." Sam smiled, punching his brother in the arm as they followed Kerri up the back steps and into the house, the interior just as memorable as the exterior had been. Though Sam couldn't help but notice how closed off and small it seemed, heavy doors blocking off the front of the house from the back.

He could remember the layout like he had drawn it himself, the large house having been divided into two sections. Most of the building had been a massive addition, taken on when the original owner 'hit it big.' The entire third floor and the front halves of the second and ground level had been added on in such a way that it nearly cut off the back half of the house completely. Sam could only assume that it had been made that way to keep servant quarters in the back while the family could move through the rest of the house freely.

He could remember all the different staircases and halls, all the different ways to move about the house without being seen or heard. He had decided once as a child that the house must have been built for hide and seek, the rooms set up so perfectly that Dean could never find him, no matter how hard he tried.

But now, now it was different. The front of the house was completely closed off, the doors looking as though they hadn't been open in years. Kerri had obviously been living in the back quarters, the rest of the house all but forgotten by the lone girl, and Sam couldn't help but wonder why she lived in such a big house all alone. But then, Sam thought, his faded memories growing stronger, she shouldn't be alone. Something was missing, something was lost. He could tell just by looking at her, her eyes showing a depth and understanding that he had never before witnessed. Something was different, something was wrong, and Sam could feel it deep down in his bones.


	8. Chapter 8

_thank you all again for the great reviews. i am doing my best with Kerri, let me know what you think of her so far. there is more to her then meets the eye :) enjoy the mystery._

D: same as before.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 8

"Still as grand as you remembered it?" Kerri asked, her eyes following Sam as he made his way into the kitchen. It had been so long, twelve years, but it seemed like they had only just said good bye. It was a sad reminder of what the three of them had really lost, the true price paid to the passage of time. One day had become two, and two became ten, and then, suddenly, instead of counting their absence in months she found herself counting it in years. So much had changed, so many memories either erased or left behind, so many paths left untaken, opportunities left unexplored. It all made the men before her almost unrecognizable. These were not the children they had been, they were something more, though still something less. They were hunters.

"Not quite." Sam answered sheepishly still walking slowly through the large kitchen and dinning room, the air around him thick with dust. If at all possible it seemed like the ghost of the house he once remembered, as though it were just the structure's spirit and nothing more. And he suddenly felt the dream like image of it falter. Nothing in this world is ever the way we see it in our minds, and this was a place that had existed in his mind for so long that it had somehow turned into something more then any reality could be. This was the place he had dreamed of, told Jessica of, longed for. And now, seeing it in person, taking in its failing state, just stole a little bit of its majesty away.

"Yeah well, stuff has a real problem living up to par in Sammy's world." Dean smirked from his seat at the dinning room table, his tired and sore body curling into itself as he wrapped his arms around his chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"No, spit it out."

"Dude, you thought this place was imaginary." Dean smiled, as he looked up into Sam's young face. He didn't think this was something he would ever let his baby brother live that down.

"So." Sam snapped loudly as he stared down his brother, sudden embarrassment flooding through him as he heard Kerri's light laughter.

"So, nothing is ever as good as we imagine it."

"Deep." Kerri deadpanned as she too lowered herself into a seat, three mugs of coffee and a plate of cookies occupying the tray in her hands. "I never knew you had it in you, Winchester."

"Oh, I'm a man of many talents." The older Winchester smiled as he helped himself to the snacks. "Sit down, Sam, you're making me nervous."

"Oh, sorry." Sam mumbled sarcastically as he too sat at the table, his eyes darting around the room nervously, the younger man trying to find something to look at besides the girl sitting across from him. In all truth there was a lot on his mind, a lot of questions he wanted answered, but he just wasn't sure he wanted to ask Kerri. After all, she was the one that had stolen his job, saved his brother, picked up the slack where he had failed, and now she was offering him cookies like it didn't matter.

"What's blowing up your skirt?" Dean asked, popping a fourth cookie into his already full mouth.

"Nothing."

"Bull."

"I was just thinking is all, can't a guy do that in peace."

"No, spill."

"It's just, I mean. How did you do it?" He asked finally looking into Kerri's eyes. He knew he looked like a confused preschooler asking someone why the sky was blue, but at that moment he really didn't care. He wanted and needed to know just how she had managed to get to Dean, so then he would be able to respond better the next time. Because, as much as he hated to admit it, as long as they hunted, there would always be a next time.

"There's a recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag." She answered evenly a smile on her face. Yes, Sam thought, this poor girl had spent far too much time with Dean as a child.

"Not that. How did you find Dean. I couldn't."

"It wasn't me. Honestly, it was just luck."

"What?" Sam froze in his seat, eyes wide. That was definitely not what he was expecting to hear.

"But, Sam said you left a note." Dean asked quickly, his suprise mimicking his brother's perfectly.

"I did, but I didn't find you."

"Then who the hell did?" Dean asked, his voice rising.

"Michael and Annabel Rouse."

"Who the hell are they?"

"Hunters. I knew they were coming through the area and I asked them to check out the murders at the school. We thought it was just Jeremy's ghost, but it didn't add up. They were searching down a new lead when they found you, beat to hell in a cave." Kerri explained, eyes switching between Sam and Dean as she spoke. It was all just a lucky break, an instant in time when everyone's paths crossed just right. Anyone, anywhere else, and Dean would not have been sitting there before her, and at that moment she couldn't have been happier for small miracles.

"What do you mean they were searching something down?" Sam asked, leaning forward in his seat, coffee all but forgotten. Had he missed something? Had he somehow skimped out on the research, erroneously thought it was nothing more then a simple salt and burn? Sam didn't think he could live with himself if that was the case, if it was he who had put his brother's life in danger.

"Well, the murders only started again recently."

"Yeah." Sam interrupted, the need to know that he hadn't missed something glaring outweighing his need to be polite. "After an addition."

"That's what I thought too, but Annabel noticed something more."

"What?"

"All the kids were from the same family. I just thought it was a coincidence, you know. Small school, it didn't seem that odd for extended families all to be in the same area."

"But?"

"Well, Annabel dug a little farther, turns out all the kids who died were directly related to Marshal Wiseman."

"That kid that put him in the locker."

"No one ever proved it and he got off scott free."

"So Jeremy was getting his revenge on the family. Still a salt and burn."

"Yeah, except for one little girl's account. Her brother, Jeffrey Mazer was killed. She said she was going to meet up at his locker when she saw a large gray shadow disappear around the corner ahead of her. She was so terrified she stopped walking, but then when she went to the locker there was no sign of her brother."

"Jeremy should look like Jeremy."

"Exactly."

"And these people, they followed it to a cave?"

"It was an old mine, apparently a large part of it runs under the school."

"What do you think it is?"

"Well, the little girl described it as a tall gray shadow. She said it didn't really have a body, it looked more like long silvery gray hair morphing into a kind of gray black robe, thought it definitely looked like some kind of person."

"So, you think maybe the spirit of a miner or something?"

"No, it wouldn't attack your brother in the cemetery."

"Well, then, what?"

"I'm not sure, I needed to clarify some things with you first."

"Like what?"

"Did you finish burning the bones before or after Dean was taken?"

"After."

"Who through the match in?"

"Uh, I don't really remember. I guess Dean."

"Ok."

"Why?"

"I was leaning a few different ways, but now I think maybe it was a wraith."

"What the hell was a wraith doing there?"

"Well, in most lore they are like guardian angels, it was probably there protecting."

"Excuse me." Dean broke in, his voice breathy as he felt another wave of pain flood through his body, his eyes half closed as he leaned father back into the chair. "But it wasn't really doing a very good job."

"Well." Kerri answered, worried eyes falling on the hunter, taking in every inch of his appearance, her apprehension growing with each passing moment. "It wasn't protecting you. It was protecting Jeremy. It went after anything that hurt him. And, since you lit the match, it saw you as a threat."

"But then why leave him?" Sam asked quietly, he took looking over at his brother, fear and failure evident in his brown eyes.

"It probably thought he would die there, didn't see Michael and Annabel coming."

"And they just happened upon me?"

"Yeah." Kerri answered quietly as she looked down at her hands, waves of emotion crashing into her like tidal waves. She didn't know what she would have done had they not found him, what would have happened if she found out that Dean had died so close to her, that she had done nothing. "They didn't even know who you were, they just called me and said they found some guy in the gave, that you needed medical attention." She continued on in quiet defeat.

"Why not the hospital?" Sam began, still trying to get his reeling mind around everything that had happened, his brother's life had been in more danger then he had ever guessed. "Why you?"

"The weapons. They figured he was probably a hunter, thought I might know who he was. And I have the most medical training of anyone around here. So they brought him to the closest motel and I came to meet them."

"Why did you move him out here?"

"I patched him up as best I could, but then Michael and Annabel needed to move on. They saw the fire in the cemetery and figured someone beat them to the punch, and they didn't see any signs of anything in the cave. They were on their way to a much bigger job when I called them, so they kept going. We all just figured the job here was done. So I brought him closer to home."

"Why all the secrecy?"

"I really wasn't sure it was Dean the first time I saw him, it wasn't till I saw your name in his phone that I was certain. I guess, I don't know. I really wanted to see you both but it's been so long, I didn't know if you wanted to see me. So, I just left the door open."

Sam didn't know what to say, everything about the past few days just seemed too surreal, too out of place. He had lost his brother, found him hours away in a motel room, then had his forgotten past nearly force fed to him by an angry brother and mysterious girl. And his mind just couldn't process any of it. Kerri was strong, that much he could tell, but she also seemed broken, like even a soft breeze would bring her falling to the ground in pieces.

It was the same thing he had seen in Dean as of late, the same lost look, distant stare that he had adopted. It was as though everything in the world, all that was right or wrong, hinged on one moment, one choice, one answer. And Sam found himself wanting to fix them both, wanting to make their vacant looks of loss go away. He wanted to be there for the people that had always been there for him.

A soft whimper broke through the silence like shattering glass, both Sam and Kerri looking over to Dean. The older man was hunched far over in the chair, his forehead resting on the table as he wrapped his arms further around his now shaking body. Sam could hear his breath catching in his throat as he continued to curl up into himself, his strong frame beginning to rock slowly.

"Dean?" Sam asked tentatively, as he slowly made his way towards his brother, the older man not even flinching at the sound of his name. "Dean?"

"It hurts, Sam." Dean's voice was barely audible as he continued to lean against to table, all strength quickly leaving his body. Sam slowly and carefully pulled his brother back into the chair, his shaking hands flying up to cup Dean's face at the sight of him.

Large, deep, bloody gashes covered the side of his face from hairline to chin, while several burns had begun to redden and blister up and down his arms. The injuries were coming from nowhere, blossoming all over his body as Sam and Kerri quickly moved him to a small living room off the back of the kitchen. They laid him as gently as they could across the old sofa, blood seeping a new from his side as his eyes began to flutter wildly, sweat breaking out over his entire body.

"Dean. Dean can you hear me?"

"Sammy?"

"Yeah. Its gonna be ok."

"Has this happened before?" Kerri asked, already pulling back Dean's T-shirt and bandages, new bruises forming while she worked.

"Last night, but he was asleep. He had a dream about the cave and woke up with new bruises." Kerri's eyes never left Dean as she took in all of Sam's information, the bruising already subsiding across the hunter's body as she began to change the bandages.

"It'll be ok, Dean, we'll figure this out. " The young girl spoke clearly as she looked directly into Dean's glazed eyes, her soft demeanor immediately switching to one of calm control. And, for and instant Sam couldn't help but notice, it was the first time she had actually spoken Dean's name.


	9. Chapter 9

_thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, i am so glad you all like the story. get ready for a little more info in Kerri, let me know what you think. _

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 9

Sam stood by the door to the back room, solemnly watching as Kerri spoke with Dean, the two both laughing softly as they recounted old times, told story after story of their lost youth. His brother had awoken nearly an hour before, the second episode sending his body into a kind of shock. He still shook, his skin still pale and sweaty, but he was awake, talking, smiling. And Sam suddenly found himself overwhelmed. Everything that had happened over the past week suddenly came crashing down upon him, and he found, that no matter how much he wanted to, he could not step inside the back room.

He felt like and outsider, though he knew he had no reason to. He had, after all, been her friend as well. But it was obvious that she had always been closer to Dean, probably because they were the same age. Sam was the little brother, to both of them. He could still hear his brother's weak voice, hear him laughing, the first real laugh Sam had heard from him in a long time, and he wanted nothing more then to join in, to relive the youth the two people before him seemed so enamored with. But deep down another voice spoke up, telling him to leave them alone, to let them be, let them get to know each other once more. And, with a small sigh, Sam took that small voice's advice.

And so, he found himself wandering the house, letting his mind fall back into step with the paths he had treaded so often as a child. It was funny really, how everything around him seemed so much smaller, so much less significant then his mind had remembered it, but somehow still just as special. He had longed to be here, let his mind wander back to it on darkened days, and he wasn't all that disappointed when he returned. The old house was still special, still memorable, even though it was so all together different.

It was dustier, quieter, lonelier, as though something vital, something very much needed was missing. And that thought persisted as he made his way to a set of sliding wooden doors, his mind on a type of auto pilot as he slowly slid them open, the heavy air trapped within racing out to greet him. He couldn't help but notice the very old lines of salt that encased the newer half of the house, the substance having been laid so long before that it was beginning to clump together, the white grains dulled by layers of thick dust.

He stepped gingerly over the lines as he made his way into the large room, the weak sunlight streaking through the dusty air like sepia tones on an old photograph. Everything in the room, furniture and photos alike, was covered in a layer of dust at least an inch and a half thick, no one having set foot in the space since it was sealed off with heavy doors and lines of salt. It just seemed so wrong in the young hunter's mind, so incredibly off. The place had always been safe, inviting and warm, but now it was so ominous, so cold, so frightening. And, Sam thought, so very, very empty.

His fingers traced over the dusty pictures, danced across the mantel and shelves as he took in everything around him, the faces smiling up at his from little forgotten wooden frames. He recognized his father and brother, he saw himself and Kerri, and he saw others, people he assumed were her family. A mother, a father, a younger girl, all smiling, all captured in fleeting moments of life. There were baby pictures, group pictures, hell, even a picture of Dean, no more then sixteen, sitting on the hood of the impala smiling proudly.

This, he thought, this is what was missing. The house around him had always been filled with so much life, always been busy, been loud. But now, ever since he and his brother had returned, it had been oppressively silent, overwhelming empty. Everything about it, everything memorable, inviting, was missing, everything that is, except for Kerri.

"This room's off limits, Sam." A quiet voice broke through the silence, making Sam jump, nearly dropping the picture he had just pick up. He turned quickly on his heels, Kerri standing solemnly at the entry way, her feet still firmly planted on the opposite side of the salt.

She looked almost hesitant, as though she were afraid to take one more step, afraid to come so much as an inch closer to the place she had sealed off who knows how long before. And her eyes were so lost, so dull, so empty, that it made Sam's heart ache. Something had happened here, something had changed the tough girl before him, and they hadn't been there to stop it, to save her.

"I'm sorry." Sam answered softly, looking down once more at the picture in his hands, his mind searching, yearning. It was of him and his brother, along with Kerri and a younger girl, but who she was, Sam had no clue. He bowed his head as he looked around once more, suddenly feeling ashamed that he had entered the space, the memories obviously having a devastating effect on the girl before him.

"Please leave that where you found it." She spoke again, eyeing the photo Sam still held in his hands. He placed it back on the dusty shelf, giving the room one final look before he followed Kerri, watching her as she pulled the doors closed behind him, her back to the past once more.

"So, I was thinking." She began after a few moments, as she and Sam made their way back to Dean, the older man looking more alert then he had an hour before. It was almost as though someone had thrown a switch, the deep, empty eyes that Sam had looked into only a moment before were suddenly focused, suddenly lit with ideas. There was no sign of the frial girl he had seen at the old entry way, the lost girl that had stared longly into the forgotten room. No, now there was the Kerri he had met in the basement, the one that was all but a stranger to him. And, at that moment, she reminded him so much of Dean. "This wraith, it must have attached itself to Dean somehow."

"Can they do that?" Dean asked, looking down at his body expectantly, as if the ghost would suddenly be there for all to see.

"I didn't think so, but that would explain it. I think it is still trying to punish you."

"Then why not just do me in?"

"I don't know. Maybe without Jeremy's spirit around its weaker."

"So, you think it's trying to finish me off, but cant. So instead, it is just attacking me with what it can when it can."

"Yeah. Not too comforting is it?"

"No, you might wanna brush up on your beside manner."

"I know, it's one of my new goals."

"Always good to have aspirations."

"So they tell me."

"So, how do we get rid of it?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, I have never heard of one attaching itself to a person before."

"Are you sure it's a wraith?"

"No. I was sure until a few hours ago, but now, I just coming up empty."

"Hey, Kerri." Sam broke in. He knew that he should be asking about his brother, that he should be researching ways to kill a wraith, but he just couldn't let go of what he had seen, couldn't shake the cloud of loss that hung around him. His mind kept drifting back to the black haired girl in the pictures, his heart and soul screaming to him, telling him that he knew her, that he remembered her. And for some reason, he felt drawn to her. "Who was she?"

"Who was who, Sam?" Dean asked, eyeing his brother suspiciously as Kerri's shoulders slumped, her body curling into itself slightly, as though she were trying to hid from the very air around her.

"No one." She answered quietly.

"Please. I need to know."

"Kerri?" Dean broke in, now sitting up on the sofa, his eyes shifting between his brother and the girl before him. He reached forward slightly, resting a hand on her knee as she sat on the coffee table, her eyes still cast down, voice still distant and small, as her hands began to shake. "Where are they?"

"It's not important."

"Yes it is. I need to know." Sam pleaded, ignoring his brother's angry stares.

"Her name was Evelyn." Kerri began quietly, her gentle voice barely above a whisper.

"Kerri." Dean began again, his voice softer then Sam had ever remembered hearing it. "Where's your family?"

It was something he should have asked long before, something he should have noticed when he first arrived. But he had been so happy to see Kerri, so greatful to be in the presence of his friend once more, that he had completely lost sight of everything around him. But now it all seemed so glaring, so obvious. Her family should have been there, she should never have been left alone. He wanted and needed to know the truth, needed to know what had happened to her in his absence, what he had been unable to shield her from. But, nothing in his mind had prepared him for the quiet answer he recieved.

"They died."

"What! When?" Dean nearly shouted as he grabbed Kerri by the shoulders, the young girl's head shooting up at the outburst, eyes wide and empty as she began to tremble. Everything about her changed, her strong, solid smile melting away, bright eyes sinking down, lost in the depths of her poor, shattered soul.

"About two and a half years ago."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I did. I called your dad. He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"So you didn't know?" She asked again, and Sam was amazed to heard what sounded like relief lacing through her words.

"No, why?" Dean asked, his eyes dulling as he continued to stare at the girl before him, moister threatening his vision.

"I thought, maybe, we just drifted too far apart. That we just didn't matter as much anymore."

"I would never. Kerri, if I knew, I would have been here."

"That's good to hear."

"I'm serious. I don't know why he wouldn't tell me."

"You were on separate hunts, Sam was still at school, and we hadn't seen each other in so long. I wasn't even sure if you remembered who I was."

"I would never forget you. And besides, but this was your family, something like that wouldn't just slip through his mind. I mean, he hunted with your dad for years, they were friends."

"That was a long time ago."

"It shouldn't matter."

"It shouldn't, but it does."

"How?" Sam asked quietly, his mind moving so fast he was sure he would be sick. Two and a half years before, only a few months before Jessica died, only a few months before their father went missing. '_There is no such thing as a coincidence.'_

"Sam!"

"No, it's fine. You really don't remember her, do you?"

"No."

"She was a little older then you, only a few months though. Our mom, she died when Evelyn was a little baby, fire. She was such a smart little kid, so inquisitive, and she had such a little crush on you. She used to follow you everywhere, and you hated it." Kerri smiled as she recounted her young sister's life, and Sam finally found his memory, finally saw the whole picture, the little girl like a key, the images playing through his mind as if he were watching a film.

"No, she followed you everywhere."

"No, she followed you, and you always used to follow Dean around, and Dean and me hung out together. Anyway, after you both left, she just seemed to shut down a little, fold more into herself. We were always different, even though we didn't hunt like you two we were still part of the life. Over time, I don't know, she just changed, she scared me a little, honestly.

"And then, one day, she was just happy again. She said 'the man with the yellow eyes told her she wasn't different, that she was special.' I told my dad, he was still trying to figure out what it was. He flipped, went straight to Evelyn and made her tell him everything, told her how stupid she was to make deals with demons, that he had taught her better. I didn't mean to get her in trouble, I didn't mean to make it worse. But I couldn't just sit back and watch her throw her life away. She was in so much danger, I thought my dad could fix it, you know, our dad's could always fix everything.

"From there things just got worse and worse. She came to me a few months later, she was so terrified. She told me he was angry, that she had failed. I didn't know what to do, I used all the protection charms and spells I could think of, but nothing worked, I couldn't keep it out of her head. I couldn't save her. My own little sister.

"We weren't ready for it when it finally came for her. We tried to fight, tried to hide her, but nothing mattered. It killed her right in front of me. Ripped her out of my arms and pinned her to the ceiling of the apartment building where she was hiding. And my dad wouldn't leave her, wouldn't lose her. She was his baby. Nothing was left of either of them after the fire. I still can't even remember how I got out." Kerri paused there, her voice so soft that both Sam and Dean had to lean in closer to hear her, Dean holding onto the trembling girl so tightly that Sam was sure he would break her in two. After a few shaky breaths she continued.

"I called your dad a few weeks later. I told him everything I knew, everything we knew about the demon, and then he hung up. And that was it."

"I'm so sorry, Kerri." Sam began quietly, his mind shattering. He had finally remembered, and now, it was all gone, all left in the dust, burned into ash. And she was left completely alone, abandoned, forgotten. Another shadow along their dark and lonely path.

"Where was our dad when you called him?" Dean asked, his voice shaky as he stared into her deep blue eyes.

"Jericho, California."


	10. Chapter 10

_thank you again to everyone who reviewed. i know it has been crazy with all the holidays here in america and then the massive hard drive crash that brought this site to its knees. hopefully everything will be back to normal soon._

D: kerri is mine but the rest belongs to the CW, i'm just having fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 10

The silence had descended upon Sam and Dean like a dark curtain, the air around them heavy and charged, the small space between them nearly insurmountable. It had been hours since Sam had begged Kerri to help him remember, hours lived in silence, spent searching through the broken family's library, both brothers lost in their own thoughts, falling victim to their own inner demons.

Neither one had said anything after Kerri's confession. The young girl had been left alone to face the fall out of the "chosen children's" destinies, and she had done it with an accepting grace. She didn't fight the inevitable, didn't force herself upon those who had turned their backs. She had taken everything on her own shoulders, dealt with everything by herself and both Sam and Dean found that unacceptable. She deserved more, needed more, but neither brother knew just how to give that to her.

Sam thought everything would be easier if he knew why his father had disappeared, knew how John had learned of the Demon's reappearance. But instead everything just seemed so much more complicated, so much worse. He thought the truth would ease his troubled soul not bring about a whole new level of pain. And, above all else, he couldn't believe what his father had done, how he had treated not only his family, but that of a friend.

Kerri had called him when she had nowhere else to go, she had turned to the Winchesters when all that was left of her life was ash, and she was met with an order for information and abrupt dial tone. Sam could only imagine what had happened to her, what she had sunken into after that conversation. Hell, had it not been for Dean, he wasn't even sure he would have been able to survive after Jessica's death. He was angry at his father, angry at the world, but, most of all he was angry with himself. He had forgotten her just as his father had. '_I guess Dean was right. We are more alike then we think.'_

So, instead of talking about things, instead of hugging and crying and telling her they would save her, instead of doing everything normal people would do, the brother's Winchester silenced their broken hearts and threw themselves into a hunt. It was all just too much to take in, too much to comprehend, and so they chose instead to ignore it. They had left her a complete and whole person, and found her again years later, nothing more then shattered remains. And it wasn't fair.

Sam cracked his neck as he looked up from his spot on the dusty floor, the old book propped open on his knees as he leaned against the wall. Hours, he had been in Kerri's library for hours, and was still no closer to finding out what was happening to his brother. There was nothing to suggest that a wraith could bind itself to a living being, and, the more Sam read, the more he thought that they were dealing with something else entirely.

"Hey, Kerri." Sam spoke up, his voice nothing short of booming in the oppressive silence.

"Yeah, Sam?" She piped up from her seat in the hallway, computer on her lap, the young girl still quietly refusing to step over the lines of salt she had laid out after her father and sister's deaths. She had somehow managed to seal off the entire front half of the house, leaving herself nothing more then the dark remains of the original building, anything and everything that reminded her of her lost family having been packed away long before.

"Do you have anything in here about the town's history?"

"Yeah, the brown binders have old newspaper clippings in them, they go back to the early 1800s. Why?"

"Well, no offense, but I really don't think it's a wraith."

"Yeah, I stopped thinking that when it attacked your brother again. No offense taken."

"Care to share your ideas over there, geek boy." Dean chimed in as he laid on the old sofa, his weak voice renewing his little brother's thirst for answers. They all knew that they didn't have a lot of time, the entity effecting the older hunter was still lurking in the shadows, still stalking the ailing man, and none of them knew just how powerful the next attack would be.

He was fighting, battling his assailant with every ounce of strength he possessed, but all three knew that it would not be enough. There was only so long a human being could hold on, and, as much as the other two tried to ignore it, Dean was not a super hero. He was just a man, a strong, self sacrificing man, but a man none the less, and someday something would take him down. Kerri and Sam just hoped that today would not be that day.

"I don't know exactly, I was thinking that it may have something to do with the mines."

"The ones under the school?" Kerri added as she continued to stare at the computer screen while Sam pulled down the binders she had indicated, giving half to his brother. He just hoped the information they needed would be in the records, the younger hunter really didn't have the time or energy to search through all the caverns.

"Yeah. I mean, mines are dangerous, maybe there's a spirit down there?"

"Why didn't it show itself earlier?" Dean replied lazily, stifling a sneeze as thick dust rose from the old records.

"I don't know."

"So, why do you think it's something in the cave?"

"I don't know, nothing else seems to fit. I mean, Jeremy Swan's bones are burned, and I haven't found anything to suggest that a wraith can bind itself to a person. I know it's weak, but it's all I've got." Sam snapped, scrubbing his tired eyes. He knew that it was a long shot but he couldn't just sit there and wait for another attack, couldn't take his time. He was grasping at straws because he had nothing left to hold on to.

"Maybe I just have an affliction."

Sam knew his brother was trying to be funny, knew that he was just as scared as he was, hell, he was sure the Dean was probably downright terrified. Something was attacking him, burning him, ripping him apart, and there was nothing anyone could do but sit back and watch it happen. Humor was his way of dealing, and, judging by Kerri's sarcastic remark, it was her way of dealing with the situation too. But it was all becoming too much for the younger Winchester, Sam feeling just as helpless as the night Jessica had died, and Dean and Kerri were definitely not helping.

"This isn't funny, Dean, you're dying."

"Jeez, Sammy, lighten up."

"Lighten up? Lighten up! How the hell can you tell me to lighten up when your are sitting there, burning and bleeding and there's nothing I can do about it. This isn't a joke, Dean, this is real. And I seem to be the only person that's taking this seriously."

"We're taking it seriously, Sam. Dean'll be ok, I promise."

"You promise! I'm just supposed to lay back and take a deep breath because you promise. I don't even know you!"

"Sammy!" Dean warned, his voice deep and menacing. But Sam was on a roll.

"I mean, you burst back into our lives and everything is supposed to be normal. You left my brother in a motel room for god's sake, what if I didn't get the message?"

"I was watching him."

"I don't care. I mean, if you're so good at your job then why the hell didn't you know that something else was going on? You think you got a simple salt and burn so you call in some old hunters you know. Thank god Annabel or whatever the hell her name was was paying attention or my brother would be dead in a ditch. And you promise me that you'll make this better? You don't even know what the hell is going on."

"I'll figure it out."

"Like you figured out what was wrong with your sister?" The words had left Sam's lips before his mind had even processed them, the younger man immediately regretting it. He was angry and frustrated and Kerri just got in the way of his rage, but the words were still spoken none the less.

He had never known silence to be so unbearable, had never registered such hurt in another person's eyes. It was as though she had physically shrunk, her tall frame sinking into itself. And Sam could have sworn that he saw her soul deflating, could feel her heart seizing in her chest. She had watched her sister die, had her ripped from her arms and set ablaze, and Sam had just made her relieve that all over again.

"Kerri, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, you did." She answered in quiet defeat, her voice so small, so meek that is sounded like a child's. And it was at that moment that he saw, really saw, what the last two and a half years had done to her, what time had taken from her, and he knew that the look in her eyes was something he would never forget.

"I'm just tired, and frustrated. I'm sorry."

"No, you're right, I screwed up. But hey, at least you're here to fix it." She spoke softly, her eyes still looking everywhere but at Sam as she pushed herself off the cold, hard floor. "The computer's here if you need it, take as much time as you want. There's food in the fridge."

"Where are you going?" Sam asked in slight panic as he too pushed himself off the floor, the sudden need to protect her overwhelming him.

"Just down to the basement, I have work to do." She stole one more glance at Dean, checking him for any signs of renewed injury before she turned and left, disappearing down the long corridor.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Dean's voice was as cold as ice, slicing through his brother with such venom that Sam instinctively stepped back. His brother's green eyes were burning, an unbridled anger growing in them as he slowly pushed himself off the sofa. He couldn't believe what his brother had just done, what he had just accused Kerri of. He knew Sam was stressed, knew he didn't really mean it, but he had still said it. Kerri may have been a stranger to Sam, but to Dean, she was unforgettable.

She was his best friend, the only other person in the world that he could relate to. They were so similar, yet still so very different and the older Winchester had been drawn to that. They had both lost their mothers to the Demon, they were both the older sibling, both raised in the world of hunters. To Dean, no one was more worthy of trust then Kerri, no one was more on the ball then the Harrison family. And yes, they had lost to the Demon but hell, so had the Winchesters.

"Dean, I didn't mean it."

"You know she saved you from drowning once."

"What?"

"In the lake on her property. A watcher lured you there when you were little, she found you, tried to trade herself for you."

"Dean."

"Do you remember when she helped me carry you back another time, after you got lost in the snow?"

"No."

"How about when she stood up to dad and asked that he let you stay here so you could finish school?"

"Dean, please."

"Or the time her dad saved you from a poltergeist?"

"De--"

"Or when he pulled me from a mount of dirt after a spirit pushed it in on me?"

"Dean, stop! I said I was sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Sam. Her family was good to us, better then we deserved. Her dad took us in, acted like we were his own, and this is what's come of it? This is how we repay him? You know he asked dad to let us stay, to let us be normal. We had that chance."

"What?"

"Dad said no, picked you up and put you in the car, but he gave me a choice. Told me I could be a Harrison or I could be a Winchester. He didn't make me come, it was you. You asked me to stay and I turned my back on everything. But, when the tables were turned, when you were oh so desperate to go to school it didn't matter. I asked you to stay, hell I begged you to stay but you just turned your back and left. I gave up my chance for you, and now everyone is either dead or missing.

"I promised her that I would protect her, that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. And look how that turned out. She's never let me down, ever, so if she promises something, she's not gonna back down. Not like me." And with that Dean turned and left, disappearing into the shadows that had swallowed Kerri moments before, leaving Sam alone, standing amongst the ruins of their battle worn lives.

_i know sam seems a little mean, but the poor guy is under alot of stress._

_just for fun i looked up the town of Winchester, Wyoming and, to my suprise, it has a grand total of 60 residents. talk about a small town. _


	11. Chapter 11

_thank you again for all the great reviews, i am glad you are enjoying the story. for anyone wondering what is happening to Dean, well, the mystery unfolds. _

D: i am just doing this for fun, please dont sue me :)

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 11

Dean descended the stairs as quietly as he could, the sound of metal against metal rising up to meet him. He knew he had to somehow make this right, somehow make up for his little brother's comments. He wanted to take care of her, to protect her, to make everything bad in her life go away, but he knew that that was impossible. He had promised her once, along time ago, that he would never let anything bad happen to her, that he would never let the darkness have her, let evil touch her again. And he had failed, he had left her, and look what happened. Her family was dead, and that broke the stoic hunter's heart.

He knew Evelyn and Tom, remembered them fondly, admirably. They were like another family, something he had been craving ever since his mother had been taken from him. He could still remember his life before the fire, remember sitting on the plush rug of their living room, learning to count, learning to read, and declaring solemnly one day the cookie monster was his hero. And life with Kerri, though still a far cry from life with his mother, reminded him of those peaceful days. It was a little bit of normal in his tumultuous life, and it was something that he sorely missed.

It was just another thing that had been ripped away from him, another tease. He had been shown happiness, been aloud to partake in joy, and he had then been told that it was beyond his reach, outside of his limited choices. He wasn't Dean the family man, he was Dean the hunter, and fate would not allow him to be anything else. He had always been so jealous of his little brother, so reluctant to dream of the normal life Sam strived to live. After all, every time he thought, even for a moment, that there was something good in his life it was ripped away, stolen from his impoverished heart. So he decided one day, at the age of sixteen, that his wishes weren't worth praying for anymore.

"Are you sure you wanna leave Sam up there all alone?" Kerri asked quietly as Dean descended the last stair, her back to the hunter once more. She was cleaning up her station, replacing everything she had left out when her friends returned. The room was just as Dean had remembered it, shards of brightly colored glass sparkling in the weak light stood out starkly against the black bars of iron.

It reminded him so much of his lost friend, the fiery young girl that had given him a run for his money as a child. She could keep up with every prank he pulled, and spar with him for hours on end, and then quietly retreat into her artwork, transforming herself from a scruffy tomboy to a soulful woman in a matter of minutes. And, suddenly, he found himself missing her all over again.

"He's fine. He's still in the library, behind the salt."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"It's ok, Dean."

"No, it's not. He shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"He doesn't know me." The words were spoken softly but Dean could still feel the power behind them, still feel the loss lacing through her athletic frame. The last bit of her past, the last thing she had left, didn't remember her, didn't feel anything for her. It was like that last bit of water finally draining from cupped hands, the last bit of a dream finally fading in the breaking day. She had held on to the Winchesters, relied on the memory of them, on the idea that they may one day come back. And now they had, and it just seemed so very wrong. Kerri had remembered them as children, and now she had to get to know them as adults, and she didn't think she was up to the task.

"Yes he does."

"No, Dean, he doesn't. What was he, twelve, the last time I saw him?"

"It doesn't matter. He grew up with you."

"That doesn't mean anything. Sometimes life gets in the way of our memories."

"That still doesn't make what he said to you right."

"Are you angry at Sam or yourself?"

Dean never knew how she did it, maybe it was woman's intuition, but she always seemed to know exactly what was bothering him, and exactly what to say to make him open up. When he was about ten he had actually gone so far as to perform a binding spell on her, explaining innocently to his enraged father that it was ok, that she must be putting spells on him. Even now, he still smiled when he thought about it, she always did seem to get him into trouble.

"I promised I would keep you safe."

"You were eleven."

"I still promised."

"This isn't your fault. Things happened that were out of our control, none of us could have known how things would turn out."

"How can you just roll over and accept it like that? I mean, your sister is dead. Feel something!" Kerri's stoic demeanor had Dean unnerved, it was unnatural for someone to be so calm, so collected when his world was tail spinning completely out of control. He needed her to confined in him, needed her to know she could trust him, needed life to be the way it was before, even if it were only a facade.

"What do you want me to say, that it killed me? That apart of me died that day? Because it did, but there's nothing I can do to change it. The past is the past, Dean, I can't just hop in a time machine and fix it. What good is it gonna do me to sit around and think about what a failure I am, how badly I screwed up? Yeah, my family is dead and it's my fault. I've felt something, Dean, I've felt something everyday for two and a half years, but I can't dwell on it, I can't let the guilt kill me. I wont."

A light knocking silenced Dean before he had a chance to answer, before he could tell Kerri that she was wrong, that her family's death was not her fault. Sam slid sluggishly down the last few steps, his shoulders stooped, large brown eyes downcast as he entered the room, looking so much like a wounded puppy, that neither Kerri nor Dean could remain mad at him.

"Uh, I think I found something."

"Any day now." Dean chided with raised eyebrows, he could already feel his energy draining, goose bumps beginning to cover his trembling body as the air around him grew cold. Another attack was coming, and he didn't know how much time they had.

"Back in the 1870s a mother and her eight year old son were accused of witchcraft. Four babies in the household next door all died within a month of each other. The town accused the widowed woman of cursing them and they attacked, chased them to the mine and then set fires all through it. They never came out again."

"God damn witchcraft fanatics." Kerri sighed, scrubbing her hands across her face. "Always seem to make the job harder. None of them ever found real witches either."

"Yeah, group hysteria really has a way of making people... You know... Hysterical." Dean finished slowly, obviously losing control of his thoughts somewhere between the beginning and end of his statement.

"Seems that way." Sam answered sheepishly, shuffling farther into the room, still refusing to make eye contact with Kerri. He couldn't express how bad he felt about what he had said to her, couldn't begin to tell her that he wished he could remember, wished his mind would stop blocking whatever it was that he had suppressed all those years ago. But two years on the road with Dean had somehow effected his ability to induce chick flick moments.

"Do you know where the bodies are buried?" Dean asked, sinking slowly onto a near by stool. His sweaty and pale skin was not lost on either Sam or Kerri as his breathing began to come in short, uncontrollable gasps. They knew what was happening. Dean's mind was swimming, vision falling into darkness as the air around him grew frighteningly still, his body sinking softly to the ground as Kerri and Sam lowered him gently to the floor.

"That's the thing. They weren't buried. The mines were barren by the time they were set on fire. No one ever went in to look." Sam spoke quickly as he lifted his brother's shirt, Dean's head resting in Kerri's lap, the girl brushing his hair back as she checked over the bruises that were again forming on his tense body. She was so professional yet still so caring, and Sam immediately felt safer, calmer, knowing that she was there with them.

"That's just great. So why attack me, I wasn't bugging anyone."

"Jeremy Swan." Kerri chimed in as he took Dean's hand, the older hunter's face twisted in pain as the burns began to start again. "The mother's spirit must have been protecting him as well as her son. She probably got confused when you burned his bones, though the townspeople were burning her kid again."

"This just sucks." Dean bit out as his eyes began to dip closed, unconsciousness calling him away.

"Don't worry, Dean. I'll take care of you, I promise." Kerri whispered as the older Winchester's world finally fell to darkness.

"Kerri, we don't have time to search all the caves." Sam began tiredly, worried eyes locked onto his brother's unconscious face.

"Well, if Jeremy latched onto them then they have to be somewhere near the school."

"I know, but that's still a lot of ground, I can't search it all myself, and Dean's in no condition to go hiking through mines."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

"You'll come?"

"Of course I'll come, Sam. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."

"You sound like you're channeling my brother."

"Don't say mean things." Kerri smiled as Dean's body began to relax against her. The attack had been bad, much worse then the last. The gashes across his chest and abdomen were very deep, too deep and the burns, they were third degree at least. Both Kerri and Sam knew that if the attacks got any stronger, Dean's injured body would not be able to survive them. "Can you help me move him upstairs?"

"Yeah." Sam answered quietly as he scooped his brother up in his arms, Kerri guiding him up the narrow staircase.

"Can you get me the kit above the kitchen sink?" Kerri asked after Sam had laid his brother on the sofa in the back room once more, Dean's lips turning a slight shade of blue as Kerri began to cut away his bloody T-shirt. "I'm gonna need to stitch up some of these cuts. And don't worry." She said after a beat, blue eyes meeting Sam's troubled brown ones. "I have Lidocaine and all the proper supplies. It will be like a real doctor doing it."

"Hey, Kerri." Sam began handing her the supplies she had requested. "Thanks for everything you've done for us. I didn't mean to snap earlier, it's just, so much has been happening over the last few years. I just feel so out of control."

"It's ok, Sam. No offense taken. I know how hard this life can be and I know how thick headed your brother can be, but you can trust me, I'm one of the good guys."

"I know, its just that we've been double crossed by a lot of the good guys lately."

"There's a war coming, Sam, and desperate times make people do desperate things. But Dean made a promise to me once, he told me that he would keep me safe no matter what. And I swore then that I would do the same, for both of you."


	12. Chapter 12

_a big thanks again for the reviews, they really help me write faster. i dont know why, they are like mental cookies or something. lol. let me know what you think of the newest chapter._

_(a/n: in 'Hookman' Sam seemed to be in the dark about the rock salt shooting shotgun, so i am just going with the idea that it is something his dad and brother came up with while he was at school, and that they used iron buckshot in previous years.)_

D: while Kerri does belong to me the rest of the Supernatural world is the brainchild of others. this is all just for fun.

**SOMETHING LOST **

Chapter 12

Sam and Kerri took turns watching over Dean, the older hunter still laying unconscious after the last attack. Kerri had stitched him up the best she could, Dean's eyes not even fluttering as she quickly and carefully cared for his myriad of new injuries. Their time was growing short though, and they all knew it. The older Winchester's skin was frighteningly pale and his tense and tired body was still wracked by tremors, his breathing labored and shallow. The spirit was killing him, slowly and painfully, just as the townspeople had killed her and her child, just as Marshal Wiseman had killed Jeremy Swan.

It was payback, and Dean was paying the ultimate price, caught in the cross hairs of a fight he didn't belong in, targeted by an angry mother for something he didn't do. It was a vicious cycle that had been holding the small town of Winchester hostage for over one hundred years. A revenge that stretched far beyond the confines of the lives of those who had murdered, those who had suffered. It was a cycle of death and pain, and it was a cycle the hunters knew they needed to break. If not, Dean would become its next victim.

"Kerri?" Sam began as he sat on the armrest of the sofa near his brother's head, staring down at the older man's pale form. It had been an hour since the last attack and his big brother had yet to open his eyes, had yet to mutter a single sarcastic phrase, yet to tell Sam that he was fine. And while having Kerri there helped, it was still a far cry from having Dean there, awake and joking. And suddenly, in that instant, he missed his big brother dearly.

So much had happened to them since the night Jessica had died, so much had changed. The evil they fought had tried to take his brother away from him, tried to give the older hunter to Death, while the yellow eyed Demon played with Sam's life like it was nothing more then a pawn on the chess board. He just wanted everything to be as it was before, everything to be as cut and dry, as straight forward as it was when they were children. But the young girl before him solidified the fact that they were no longer young, that life had changed.

"Yeah, Sam?" Her voice was so soft and calming, so full of deep understanding that it made Sam relax, fall further into the safety of that old house, of his old life. She was sitting quietly in a nearby chair, feet propped on the coffee table, eyes glued to the screen of her laptop as she searched for answers, scoured history for some way to help her ailing friend.

"Before. You said there was a war coming. How do you know?"

"Can't you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"The darkness. All the bad stuff that has been going on lately. The crazy weather, seemingly normal people going on killing sprees. The world just feels more dangerous. I know you can feel a shift."

"Why would you say that?"

"My sister was like you. I saw what it did to her."

"I don't know how to stop it."

"We'll find a way."

"Your sister." Sam began, clearing his throat. He knew it was a question he had to ask but that still didn't make it any easier. And he suddenly found himself wishing that Dean was conscious, if for no other reason then the fact that he was good at blurting things out. "I mean. Other people like us, they've been dangerous."

"If you're asking if she was going dark side, then yeah, she was."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. We can't chose who we are born, Sam, we just have be conscious of what we become."

"You said before that she scared you a little."

"She scared everyone a little. She was always different, Sam, she was never really happy. Over the years she just drew further and further into herself. She didn't really have any friends and she and my dad butted heads everyday. So, when she got her "gift" she embraced it."

"And the Demon came for her?"

"Yeah, it did. I think it waits till the kids have fully accepted their powers but still can't control them. It's kind of like a cult leader, finding the kids when they are vulnerable, when it knows that they will follow it."

"And Evelyn, she followed it?"

"For a little while, yeah."

"And she didn't see that that was wrong?"

"Her mind was so screwed up, Sam, I really don't think she saw anything wrong with it at first. But she did later, she came to me when she finally saw what was going on."

"What was it?"

"She never told me, but it scared her, a lot."

"This thing's gonna win, isn't it."

"I don't know. But, as long as we fight we still have a chance."

"None of the other's have had a chance."

"None that we know of, but you, Sam, you and your brother are different."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, not many of these kids have siblings, and two, I don't think I have ever seen two people so close in my life. This Demon, it drives a wedge between people, makes them feel all alone, in need of something, and then it takes them under its wing, gives them the love that it stole. That's why it takes the mothers, that's why it took your girlfriend. It wants you alone."

"I am alone."

"You have, Dean. Sam, your brother is like a lighthouse to everyone that needs help. You can see him from a mile away, and you know everything will be ok. And he's protecting you. He'll never let you be alone. You haven't accepted your gift Sam, and your brother will never willingly leave your side. That's two things no one else has had going for them."

"What happens when I lose him?"

"Don't lose him."

"Kerri, he's come so close to dying so many times. Something is gonna get him someday."

"I know it's gonna sound cheesy but, even if he does die, don't forget him. Sometimes that's enough."

"And what if it's not?"

"Sam, you're one of the strongest people I know. I have faith that this thing's not gonna turn you. You may have been a little kid the last time I saw you, but I still remember you. If anyone can beat this thing, its you and your brother."

They fell back into silence, both taking in everything Kerri had said, Sam's shoulders feeling lighter for the first time in a long time. Yes, he thought, there was a chance that he could be ok, he couldn't give up just yet. Everything had seemed so hopeless, so grim mere moments before, but Kerri's words were like a lifeline, like the sun breaking through a dying storm. As long as he held strongly to who he was, there was a chance that they could beat this thing, there was a chance that they could survive.

"So." Kerri began after a few moments, her blue eyes never once leaving Sam. "What is it?"

"What's what?"

"Your gift, what is it?"

"It's not a gift."

"Your affliction then."

"The ability to make little old ladies swoon with his puppy dog eyes." Dean's voice floated up from the sofa, his body still unmoving, eyes still unopened and, for a moment, both Sam and Kerri had wondered if they imagined it. "He just has those old broads eating out of his hand."

"Very funny."

"Seriously, Sam, what is it?"

"Nothing." Dean broke in, his green eyes staring dangerously at Kerri. She physically recoiled at the look he was giving her, his face cold and impassive, like a guard dog at the end of its leash. It was warning, threatening, and a little bit terrifying, reminding the kind girl before him just what the hunter was capable of.

"It's ok, Dean." Sam broke in, sensing Kerri's unease. Dean was protective, extremely protective, when it came to anything involving Sam's ties to the Demon, when he had to acknowledge Sam's powers in anyway. And the younger hunter found that both comforting and unnerving. "I have visions, premonitions of people's deaths."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That sucks. That's it?"

"There should be something more?" Dean chastised as he slowly pushed himself up on the sofa, face grimacing as he pulled at the tight stitches.

"Well, I mean, everyone I've come across has called it a gift, but death visions, no wonder you haven't accepted them."

"You think he would accept something like physic powers if it was a little more desirable." Dean nearly demanded, his eyes growing harder, voice taking on a wild tone. He had still not fully come to grips with his little brother's powers, with the fact that Sam was born something special, something the Demon wanted.

For so long he had thought that this thing picked his family, his mother, for nothing more then randomness. And that fact, though morbid, had still helped him sleep at night, had still let him believe that the fire demon would never darken his doorstep again. And then along came Sam and his shinning.

"No, Dean, I don't. And, if you don't mind, I have really had enough of being yelled at today. I'm on your side, but I need to know what's going on."

"What's going on is that I am being attacked by a demented spirit. That's all you need to know."

"Fine. I was just trying to help."

"Thanks, but, we're good."

"Sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're far from good, Winchester, you're falling apart at the seems. I've seen what this thing does first hand, so excuse me if I am trying to save another family from it."

"I said we're fine."

"No we're not, Dean." Sam broke in, quelling the fight that he knew was coming. For a bunch of people who claimed they missed each other, they had sure been doing a lot of yelling lately. "We haven't been fine in a long time."

"Well, we'll get fine."

"Why can't we just let someone help us, just this once?"

"Because, you're supernatural, Sammy, and I don't want anyone to start hunting you."

"Who's she gonna tell."

"She's not some random person, Sam, hunters come through here all the time. That's what the Harrisons were known for, Ammunition and Information."

"Huh?" Sam's face twisted in confusion as he looked over at Kerri, the young girl smiling back innocently.

"Just because I'm ammo and info doesn't mean I'm gonna go telling every hunter that comes through here about you. Jeez, Winchester, give me a little credit."

"What if someone finds your paper work?"

"What if, I don't let people wander through my stuff! They have free reign of the upstairs library, but, since I don't go in there, I highly doubt they will find something about Sam in there."

"Where the hell's the ammo?" Sam chimed in, still confused. The info he understood, her library rivaled that of both Bobby and Pastor Jim, but the ammo, that was something he still couldn't grasp.

"Downstairs. You didn't think that entire workshop was for stained glass windows?"

"You make ammo?"

"Silver rounds, consecrated iron rounds, and the Winchester special, rock salt buck shot."

"Why's that the Winchester special?"

"I heard about it from some hunters, said John and Dean thought it up."

"Yeah." Dean chimed in. "Rock salt's cheaper then iron."

"You do all that downstairs?"

"Yeah, always have."

"Oh."

"So, as long as we're all in the caring and sharing mood." Dean broke in. "What was your sister's power?"

"Dean!"

"No, Sam, we have a right to know."

"Astral projection."

"Wh-- really?" Dean asked dumbfounded. He didn't really know what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn't that. "Was.. Was she dangerous?"

"A little. More scary then anything else though. She thought it was great, used to pop up everywhere, in people's lockers, in people's cars, hell, even my fiancé's closet. Anyone that annoyed her she would scare the hell out of."

"Wait. Who's closet?" It was almost as though Dean's brain as short circuited when he heard the phrase, he knew he should have understood it, but something still didn't register.

"My fiancé's. She didn't really like him."

"Where's he now?" Sam asked, Dean momentarily unable to speak.

"He left when I told his who I really was. Can't blame him though. What would you do if someone up and told you they made silver bullets for demon hunters. I'm sure Evelyn popping up in his closet every now and again didn't help either."

"Fiancé?"

"Yeah, Dean. It's what you call someone before you marry them."

"I know what it means, I just didn't think..."

"Didn't think someone would want to marry me?"

"No, I just never saw you as the married type."

"The last time you saw me I was sixteen!"

"Yeah, that might be why."

"Look, let's just save the catching up for later. Now that you're awake I think we should get down to business. We need to go back to Winchester, as soon as possible." Kerri pushed up from her seat and moved to the kitchen, Sam following closely at her heels. They had a lot to do before they left for the mines, and not a lot of time to do it in.

"There's just one more thing, Kerri."

"Yeah?"

"You said before that Dean promised to keep you safe once. Why? What happened?"

"I think that's something you need to ask your brother."


	13. Chapter 13

_hello again! i just want to say thank you for all the reviews, they are really great. i thought it was time of a little brotherly bonding, and the answer to at least one mystery. enjoy, let me know what you think. :)_

D: still doing this just for fun. :)

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 13

"What do you mean I should ask Dean?" Sam began, as he and Kerri made their way up the narrow staircase, the young girl before him moving with single minded silence. She had had a life, complete and whole, the kind of life Sam had wanted, and it had all been taken away, been erased by the Demon. Hell, she had even been engaged, something the younger Winchester would never have guessed. But, then again, it wasn't that unreasonable. She was a very pretty girl, and while she was both sarcastic and stubborn, she was also very kind, and very understanding. So, why wouldn't someone want to marry her.

"I mean, there are some things that are family matters and some that aren't."

"So what was the Q and A downstairs?"

"Sam, the Demon is not a family matter, no matter what your dad and brother have told you. A lot of other people have been effected by it, and the only way we are gonna even come close to beating it is if we are all on the same page. But, what happened here, what happened between you and your brother, that's something that I have no place in."

"But, he said he would protect you."

"Like, I said before." Kerri stated firmly as she turned to Sam, both now standing by the doorway to her father's library. "It's something you need to ask your brother. Now, can you go and get the maps I need, third shelf, second row on the right."

"How the hell do you get this stuff when no one's here?"

"I don't."

"Obviously."

"I have my own library downstairs, and I have my computer. Anything else is just back up, stuff for the hunters that come through here to use. If I needed to I could have gotten the maps online, but why waste the time when I know they're up here."

"This isn't healthy."

"I know, I was thinking about buying an air filter."

Sam rolled his eyes at the sarcastic answer. "Not the dust, this, closing off half your life."

"You deal with things your own way, let me deal with them mine."

"I was just trying to help."

"And I appreciate it. But you and your brother are gonna be gone again soon. What am I gonna do when I'm up here with their stuff all alone?"

"I didn't think of it that way."

"Most people don't. You're not the first one that's noticed."

"Aren't you afraid, you know, of being in this big house all alone?"

"I have protection charms and symbols around my land, and around the parts of the house that haven't been sealed with salt. Nothing's getting in."

"Nothing supernatural. What about people?"

"I have my ways." She smiled as they turned from the library, heading down a back staircase on their way to Kerri's room. "You know, Sam." She began after a few minutes. "You don't have to worry. I won't let anyone know about you."

"I know, I trust you. Dean's just, well, he's Dean. He just gets really over protective sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"All the time."

"He basically raised you, Sam, he's never gonna not be protective of you."

"I know. It's just, with this Demon now, and my powers, everything has just gotten more complicated. And, we've met some people that are so gun-ho about killing things. I don't know, I think it scares him."

"I imagine it does. There's a lot of nuts in the hunting world, Sam. A lot of good people, but a lot of nuts, too. It's right of Dean to be worried."

"Did anyone ever try to hunt your sister?"

"No, she got her powers pretty early on, she was a few months older then you. By the time John and the others really started tracking it, it was already too late for her."

"Can I ask you something, and you promise not to mention it to Dean?"

"Sam, I'm not gonna get between you and your brother."

"It won't. It's just something I have been thinking about, but I don't want to freak him out anymore."

"You can ask me, but I won't promise that I won't tell Dean. If its something he needs to know, then he's gonna know it."

"Ok. It's just. Everyone has been so eager to kill this thing, so sure that that will make everything right. But, what if it doesn't? The Demon chose us because of something that was already there, it didn't give us the power. I met this woman, Monica, we saved her from the Demon, and even before it attacked you could tell there was something different about the baby."

"Different how?"

"Her mom said it was like she could read minds."

"What are you getting at, Sam?"

"This Demon is gathering up kids like me, using us, but it didn't make us. People think that this thing is the threat, but what about us? We're not just gonna change when its killed. I mean, what if the thing is holding back our powers somehow? What if something bigger and badder comes along to take its place? What's gonna happen to us then?"

"I don't know, Sam. To tell you the truth, I never really thought about it. Why don't you want to talk to your brother about this?"

"Because, he's been under so much stress ever since I told him about my powers. The more that's happened the more withdrawn he's gotten. What's gonna happen to him if I'm right?"

"Sam, the fact that you're afraid of it now speaks volumes for you. I mean, I just can't see you waking up one morning as a bad guy."

"What if it happens?"

"What are you asking me?"

"I won't let Dean die for me."

"You won't have to. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, and I don't know what killing this Demon is going to do to you. But, what I do know, is that you have the strength to beat anything that comes your way. And your brother does to."

"Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"If something happens to me, ever. You'll find Dean, you won't let him be alone."

"I promise. And, Sam."

"Yeah?"

"I really think you need to talk to your brother." With that Kerri turned and entered her room, leaving the door open as she rummaged around, packing away the few things she would need.

The first thing Sam noticed as he stepped over the threshold was that her room was huge, and, at one point, must have been two separate spaces. One side consisted of a large bed and dresser while the other was filled with books, far more books then the upstairs library. Everything about her room was so much different from the rest of her house, so much more alive, reminding the younger hunter of what the front rooms must have been like before she sealed them off, of what her life must have been like before it all came crumbling down.

And suddenly something else caught his eye. Scattered throughout her room were a number of photographs, all free of the dust that had coated the ones in the parlor. There were pictures of her father and sister, pictures of her mother, and pictures of he, Dean and their father. All of them seemed as though they belong to different lives, Sam not even able to remember the last time he and his brother had had their photo taken together. Sure, they had a new picture done each year to help keep up with their id's but that just wasn't the same. These were taken for the mere sake of taking a picture, and Sam suddenly found himself wanting. She had a piece of his past that Sam had somehow lost out on.

"I have some more in the boxes on the shelves, you can take as many as you want."

"Are you sure you're not physic."

"I'm positive. You may want to work on your poker face, by the way."

"Noted. Who took all these?"

"A lot of them were taken by Evelyn. She wanted to be a photographer."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Well, I have everything I need. We should get back to Dean, before he mounts a search and rescue."

66666666666666

"It's about freaking time!" Dean reprimanded from the dinning room, which was apparently as for as he had been able to go in his search. While his brother and Kerri hadn't been gone for more then ten minutes, to the restless hunter it felt like an eternity. He was worried for his brother, Kerri bounding back into their lives with such force, such overwhelming strength, that it had the seasoned hunter a little unnerved. The Demon had taken her sister, been inside the young girl's mind, and there was no telling what it had learned about her family, and about his.

"If you two don't mind, I'm getting a little tired of getting my ass kicked over and over again by a demented mother. Let's get this show on the road."

"Ever the patient one, Winchester."

"We're moving, Dean, we're moving." Sam stated tiredly, taking his weak brother under the arm as they made their way down the basement steps.

"Last I checked I can still walk, Sammy."

"Dude, if I let you go you're gonna face plant on the steps."

"No I wont."

"Yes you will."

"Yeah, well, now we're at the bottom of the steps. Let me go, Samantha."

"Fine, but when you fall on your ass don't come crying to me."

Kerri just laughed as she walked on ahead of the brothers, the young girl soaking up everything about them that she had missed so much. Sam and Dean had a relationship that she and her sister had never even dreamed of, the two being so distant, so different, that they weren't always discernible as siblings. Sam and Dean on the other hand, well, there was no doubting that they were brothers.

"Our car's out front." Sam began, having again taken his brother under the arm, calling after Kerri as she turned towards one of the old sheds.

"I know, but my car's out back."

"I'm not leaving my car." Dean stated indignantly, still trying to swat Sam away.

"I didn't ask you to."

"Your gonna drive yourself?"

"Come on, boys, do I look like a passenger to you?"

"I see your still driving the firebird."

"I see your still driving the impala."

"Hey, I will till my dying breath."

"Oh, I'm sure of that. We can keep in contact by phone. And besides, who's a girl to get in the way of a little brotherly bonding."

"Bonding?" Dean looked as though someone had just suggested he eat live snakes, Sam still pulling him around the front of the house, the younger Winchester knowing full well what Kerri meant.

"So." Sam began as he lowered himself into the driver's seat, Kerri's black firebird already out of sight down the road.

"What did you say to her? Why are we bonding?" Dean asked again as his brother started the car, the low growl of the impala an immediate comfort to both its occupants. It was something familiar after the last few hours of unfamiliarity. Yes, they both knew Kerri, had both grown up with her, but that was twelve long years ago. But now, now they were back to what they knew, what they expected, the Winchester brother's and their precious car.

Sam let out a long breath. "There's just some questions I want answered."

"And you didn't ask her?"

"I did, but she told me it was family business and that I should ask you."

"She knows I hate doing this."

"Still doesn't change the fact that she's right."

"No, it just makes it a little more annoying. What wouldn't she tell you?"

"Why you promised to keep her safe."

Sam could see his brother's eyes cloud over, as if the memory had been a switch, shutting of the sarcastic and sly light that had been shinning in the older man's eyes a few moments before. "It's nothing, Sam."

"I'm pretty sure that's a lie."

"Well, I don't want to tell you."

"Well, tough, because you're gonna. What happened, Dean?"

"She got hurt, ok. She got hurt and it was my fault."

"How?"

"Our dads, they went on a hunting trip, pretty big one. They left all four of us alone for two weeks."

"How old were you!?"

"Kerri and I were about eleven."

"And they left you alone?"

"You wanna hear the story or not?"

"Sorry."

"Anyway. There was this thing, a watcher, in the woods on her property. You and Evelyn, you kept telling us that you saw stuff out your windows at night, that you heard a lullaby coming from the trees. I told you to stay out of the forest, but, well, you didn't." Dean's voice grew quieter as he spoke, his eyes fixed firmly on the landscape before him.

"I don't know how I didn't hear you leave, I don't know how I didn't hear Kerri. It must have done something, I just don't know. Evelyn finally broke me out of whatever... I just don't know, Sam. I went to the woods to look for you, I found Kerri standing over you at the edge of the water shielding you from something. You were soaked and so still, I swear I thought you were dead.

"Nothing mattered to me but getting you, everything else just faded away. And then, I heard her scream, and she was just gone. It took me three days to find her, three days. That's when I swore I would never let anything happen again. Whole lot of good that promise did."

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not listening, back then. For making things harder on you."

"You were seven, why the hell would you listen. Nothing that happened that night was your fault."

"Still, you should never have been put in that position. If I could go back and change things I would."

"Dude, if you want a hug then you better catch up the car in front of us."

Sam just smiled and turned his full attention back to the road, the events of that long forgotten summer night creeping slowly back into his mind.


	14. Chapter 14

_I just want to say thank you again for all the great reviews, they are very, very appreciated._

_This chapter is a bit longer then the rest, and is, as promised more brotherly bonding. and, to everyone wondering why Sam cant remember..._

_enjoy!_

D: I dont own supernatural

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 14

They had been silent for hours, both brothers lost in thought, lost to their own inner turmoil, as the car growled its way down the highway. His brother's revelation had hit Sam like a tone of bricks. Dean had nearly lost both him and Kerri, and, at the tender age of eleven, he had believed that it was all his fault. Sam was sorry that he had disobeyed his brother, afraid that he had put Kerri in danger, but most of all he was angry. Angry at John. How dare he put Dean in that position, how dare he leave an eleven year old in charge for two weeks. It was unacceptable, unthinkable, and so completely John Winchester.

But there was something else, something more, eating away at the younger man, something bubbling to the surface, running through all his senses. He didn't remember it, like everything else concerning the Harrison family, he didn't remember. And he couldn't understand that simple fact, couldn't come to grips with that strange bit of reality. How in the world had he managed to forget so many years of his life, so many things that would have been burned into any normal person's memory forever.

And he knew, beyond a doubt that there was something more, something his brother was hiding from him.

"Dean." Sam finally began, his mind ready to burst. He needed answers, needed reassurance, needed to know why he had forgotten.

"Hhmmm." Dean answered, eyes still closed as he leaned against the passenger side window, his tired and injured body slumped low in the seat.

"I need to ask you something."

"I'm sleeping."

"No, you're not."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're talking to me."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

"What do you want?"

"Um, it's just." Sam suddenly found himself at a loss for words, every emotion he had instantly stampeding through his mind. There was so much he wanted to know, so many questions he wanted answered, but he knew he was treading on shaky ground. Something had happened between the two families, something big, something that had seriously effected his brother, hell something the had seriously effected all of them. He knew that he needed to know, and knew that he wanted to know, but he suddenly found himself unable to ask the questions, afraid of what he may receive as answers.

"Spit it out."

"I don't remember the watcher."

"You were seven."

"I don't remember Kerri, either."

"Yeah, we've established that."

"Come on, Dean, help me out here."

"Sam." Dean began tightly, finally opening his eyes, his weakened body shifting in the seat as he turned towards his brother. "What the hell are you getting at?"

"I don't remember."

"Yeah, I get that, but a lot of people don't remember things from when they were kids. I mean, you didn't remember the Striga before, why would you remember the watcher?"

Sam suddenly froze, Dean was right, he had forgotten about the Striga was well, and he instantly had a whole new understanding of what he was asking. "Dean, I don't really remember anything before I was a teenager. I mean, I remember stuff, but it's just in bits and pieces, like the memories are there, but shattered in a way."

"So?"

"So! So, that's not normal."

"What are you now, a shrink?"

"Dean, please, just be serious, just this once."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth."

"What truth, I'm not hiding anything from you. How was I supposed to know you didn't remember any of this?"

"Why have you never mentioned her?"

"What?"

"Kerri, you obviously care about her, a lot. So, why have you never mentioned her before? And, why is there nothing about her family in Dad's journal? It's like she was just, erased."

"Our dads had a falling out." Dean answered quietly, his eyes falling back on the road before them. He wished with everything he had in him that Sam would stop pushing, that he would take his half-assed answer and be silent. But, then again, he knew his brother, better then anyone else, and the quiet voice that broke through his mind didn't surprise him at all.

"Come on, dude, that's weak."

"Well, it's the truth."

"Dean, please, tell me."

"God damn it, Sam, can't you just leave something alone? Can't you just let go, just once in your life."

"I need to know. Ever since I gave you that note you've been like a different person. You're on edge, Dean. Please, just tell me what happened."

"Our dads were friends when we were younger, but there was still a lot of friction. Dad didn't like the way Tom raised his kids, didn't think he was doing a good job, and he didn't really want us to be around them."

"What do you mean?"

"They, um, she now, I guess." Dean stopped as he stumbled over his words, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he once again continued. "Kerri and Evelyn weren't raised to be hunters."

"I've gathered."

"I mean, Kerri can take care of herself, and they always knew what was out there, but, they were never trained the way we were. Tom, he said that kids should be allowed to be kids. That it wasn't fair the way Dad was treating us. He wanted us to stay with him, to go to school. He promised Dad that we'd be safe."

"And then the watcher?"

"Dad never knew about the watcher."

"What?"

"I didn't tell him."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, Sam, what do you think Dad would've done if I told him? I mean, after the Striga, he never really trusted me anymore. If I told him that I _let_ you get lured into the forest while I watched tv! He'd never let me near you again."

"Dean, you're my brother, he wouldn't keep us apart."

"Dad's a good man, Sam, deep down I know that. But, after mom, he was just so scared all the time, so worried about you. It blinded him. I didn't want him to take you away from me."

His brother's confession was like a gun shot, Sam's already fragile world falling apart just a little more. He knew, deep in his bones, that there was nothing Dean could have done to make John cut him out of their lives, to take away the one thing he relied on, the one thing he would always give his life for. But, he also knew how his older brother's mind worked.

Dean had always been hard on himself, always seen Sam as his number one priority, his reason for breathing. And Sam was both saddened and grateful for that attention. And he suddenly knew why John thought that his older son could do no wrong, why Dean had always looked perfect in his eyes. Dean never told him of the times they had been left alone, the numerous times something had almost taken him. And he suddenly understood just how important he was to the older man, just what Dean was willing to do to keep him safe, keep them together.

"Dean, please, what happened? Why did he take us away from here?"

"They were on a hunt, a pretty big one. There was this demon, it was pulling people under the earth. It nearly wiped the whole town clean. And, I guess, after they got rid of it, they started arguing again. I'd just taken the GED like Dad had asked, and well, Tom wasn't too happy about it I guess."

"Wait. You don't have a diploma?"

"I passed the test, so technically, I finished school."

"Yeah, but."

"Look, Sam, this all happened twelve years ago, you can't change it by complaining about it."

"Sorry. Why wasn't Tom happy about it?"

"He said school was important, he was a college professor. He was a good hunter, but well, he was never as paranoid as Dad was about it. You know, the statistics of being attacked again and all. This was before we knew anything about the yellow eyed Demon. Anyway, they came back in the house fighting, and Dad told us to pack, to say good-bye."

Sam could feel the darkness creeping up around him as his older brother spoke, his heart seizing in his chest as an unknown fear began to boil from somewhere deep within him.

"Pathetic really, since it was Dad that screwed up."

"How?" Sam asked, though his mind was millions of miles away.

"It was right around the anniversary of Mom's death, and, you know, he always got more emotional that time a year, more distracted. They thought they destroyed the demon, but it was just laying in wait, following them..."

If his brother kept speaking then Sam didn't hear it, his entire world suddenly lost to darkness as the long suppressed memories ran over him like a tidal wave, the younger man barely able to pull off the road before he leapt from the car, body heaving as he fell into the bushes. And suddenly, with a force and fear he had never before imagined everything came rushing back to him.

_Wyoming 1995_

_He could hear the angered voices rising as his father and Mr. Harrison made their way up the back steps, both men shouting so loudly that the twelve year old was sure they could be heard in the next county. He closed his eyes as the basement door burst open, willing any deity that was listening to help keep him calm, help keep him together._

_The constant fighting, the constant worrying, the constant moving, it had all become too much for him, his young soul already battered more then a man three times his age. He liked it here, liked the girls, liked the school, liked Mr. Harrison's library. The creepy forest he could do without, but everything else about the place he loved. And he was terrified that it would all be taken away, like everything else in his life had been._

_"...you're talking about his future, John. Hunting isn't going to last forever, some day he will get the chance to do more, be more, but not if you steal what few opportunities he has now."_

_"My boys stay with me. I am their father, discussion over."_

_"No, John, it's not over. Dean is a good kid, he has such great potential. You're going to kill him, you're going to ruin what little chance at a real life he has. He's only sixteen."_

_"He's old enough to be a man. He passed the test, he technically graduated. When the time comes Sammy will do the same. It's all they're gonna need."_

_"Listen to yourself. These are your children you're talking about."_

_"I know."_

_"Why can't you just leave them here?"_

_"Because it isn't safe here. You're girls, they aren't trained at all, hell they don't even look over their shoulders when they're outside."_

_"That's because they're children."_

_"You know what's out there, what's waiting for them."_

_"Nothing is waiting for them! Yes, there is evil, and darkness in this world, but you can't let them fall prey to that. If you do then the darkness wins."_

_Sam could feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The look in his father's eyes gave everything away, the pure anger that was now flowing through the man destroyed every fiber of his young son's being. He could see Dean staring at them cautiously from the living room, Evelyn on the sofa by his side. His brother looked as though he we was willing his father to stop talking, willing the older man to keep his anger in check, to keep the hateful words at bay._

_He was so strong, such a perfect soldier, and Sam suddenly wished that he was by his brother's side, knowing that Dean could make it all right, that his big brother could protect him from what they both knew was coming. Behind him Sam could hear Kerri's choked sobs as she lowered herself onto the steps, he glassy blue eyes staring intently at Dean, knowing what the other three already knew, knowing what Tom and John knew. It was anger and fear speaking, terror and stubbornness driving them, but it was still happening, and it was suddenly too much for the youngest Winchester to take._

_"Boys." John called out, knowing all four children were listening. "Get your things and say good-bye."_

_"Dad." Dean began tentatively, taking a few steps closer to his father. "There's nothing new to hunt. Why can't we stay?"_

_"We can't stay because I say we can't. Now you and your brother get your things, and don't forget anything." He said, rounding on Tom. "Because we won't be coming back."_

_Sam felt like he was drowning, his father's words so final, so concrete, so unmoving. He was about to lose everything, about to be torn away from the only home he had ever known, from three people he loved like family. "No." His voice was small, barely louder then a whispers, but to everyone around him, it was like a scream. Sam took one more long look at his enraged father before he did the only thing his twelve year old mind could comprehend, he turned and ran._

"Oh, god." Sam moaned as he leaned again into the bushes, bile rising unchecked from his tightening stomach, the horror growing within him as the memory continued. He would have done anything, anything for it to have stopped right then, for what he knew was coming to be forgotten once more, for the terror that he faced to be washed again from his mind. But the floodgates had been open, and there was no holding back the torrent.

_He didn't know where he was going to run to as he pushed open the heavy front doors, bursting out onto the porch, the early evening air biting at his exposed arms. He didn't know where to go, he just knew that he had to get away, because maybe, just maybe, his father would have forgotten what he said by the time he returned. Maybe they wouldn't have to leave._

_His aching body barely registered the change in the ground as he jumped off the final step, his tired legs pumping harder then he ever thought they could. He could hear the frantic calls of his brother, almost feel the sixteen year old's footfalls behind him, but he didn't care. He needed to get away, needed to run. _

_But the very air around him was changing, the ground beneath him quaking, shaking with a force he had never before felt. He slowed and stumbled slightly as the earth continued to shake and shutter, the terrified voices of his friends and family sounding so far away as a new noise broke through the heavy air._

_It was a screeching scream, a completely otherworldly and unholy din, and it was the most terrifying sound the young boy had ever heard. But that was nothing, nothing compared to what was racing towards him across the clearing. The screeching grew louder as the figure approached, nothing more then a head, shoulders and grotesquely long arms reaching above the cold earth. Its eyes were jet black and bulging, mouth spread wide in a hideous, hungry smile, teeth bared as the screeching changed into a manic laughter. _

_Sam's eyes widened as the creature approached, the demon racing towards him with a speed the child had never thought imaginable. And, without thinking, he ran, ran as fast as his short legs could carry him, ran for everything he had in the world as the screeching, smiling, horrifying creature bore down on him, wrapping its long, spidery arms around his legs and pulling him, dragging him down into the ground below. The last thing he saw were his brother's panicked eyes, the last thing he felt were Dean's searching hands before the darkness took him, before the weight of the earth suffocated him._

He could feel it all over again, the sand in his mouth, the overwhelming pressure of the dirt falling in on top of him, crushing his oxygen starved lungs. Everything, the manic laughter, the hungry eyes, the spiny arms. It all came back to him, all wrapped themselves around him, dug into him. He could remember everything about Kerri and her sister, remember everything about his school, about his forgotten childhood.

But it was all so twisted, the black eyes staring back at him from every corner, the terror ripping through him with each breath he tried to take. Anything and everything about the town of Valley made him see that monstrosity, made him feel like he was once again drowning in dirt, once again being eaten alive by the very earth on which he stood. Everything was horribly real, as though the demon could pull him down again at anytime, the hollow and hungry eyes waiting for him in every shadow of the world. It was the reason he had forgotten.


	15. Chapter 15

_ok, this is a short chapter with just a little more background. let me know what you all think. Thanks again for all the great reviews, they keep me writing._

D: still dont own anything, i have been searching ebay, i swear.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 15

Dean's mind was racing, his heart bounding a mile a minute, vision swimming as he jumped out of the car, following his little brother as he stumbled towards the bushes. Everything around him was happening so fast, one minute he was talking to Sam, the next he was watching him race from a still moving car. In that instant every ache and pain in his body seemed to be erased, every bit of his consciousness suddenly focused on his ailing brother.

He could still remember the look in his baby brother's eyes when the demon dragged him down below the earth, still remember the mud beneath his nails as he dug and dug, every fiber of his being trying desperately to get to the young boy beneath him, to save Sammy from the darkness. It was almost as though he was living that day all over again, the terror tearing into his body like knives, the helplessness racing through his veins like cement. He was losing him, losing the only thing that mattered to him, and nothing could make it stop.

And now, here he was all over again, kneeling beside his shaking brother, rubbing his back as the younger man continued to heave into the bushed, unbidden tears streaming down his too pale face. He could almost feel the horror returning to his kid brother's body, almost feel the memories as they bombarded him, drowned him, stole him away all over again. Dean had no idea that he had suppressed such memories, had no idea that that was the reason he had forgotten Kerri. And he wished now that he had seen it sooner, that he had stopped the terror from taking him over once more.

Sam hadn't spoken for weeks after the attack, his deep brown eyes never blinking, only shutting when sleep became to big an enemy to fight. And the nightmares of Jess paled in comparison to the dreams he suffered after the assault, dreams that scared the twelve year old so badly that he had given himself panic attacks on a near nightly basis. The older Winchester had no idea that his little brother hadn't come to grips with the encounter, that his slow recovery was the result of him forgetting it rather then dealing with it. And he had no idea that it would all effect him again in such a powerful way.

He could feel Sam slowly begin to relax, his tall frame slumping against him, head falling heavily on his aching shoulder.

"Sam?" Dean asked, his voice small and shaky as he looked down at his brother, the younger man's face hidden beneath his mop of hair. "Sam?" He was greeted with an overbearing silence as he shifted slighting, lifting Sam's head towards him, his breath catching as his eyes fell on his little brother's face.

Sam's eyes were wide and unseeing, just as they had been all those years ago, just as they had been when he refused to step on soft earth, refused to move away from the concrete sidewalks he had come to see as safety. Those big brown eyes were again staring into space, again lost, again empty, and it broke down all of Dean's resolve. He couldn't lose him again, he wouldn't. Dean's trembling hands searched his pockets, pulling out his cell phone as he cradled Sam's shuddering body, leaned his chin against his brother's cool forehead.

"Hello?" The soft voice broke him out of his reprieve, Dean unconsciously tightening his hold on Sam as the voice sounded again. "Hello?"

"Kerri?"

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"Where are you?"

"Uh, just outside of Meeteetse. Why?"

"Can you get a room there?"

"Yeah, of course. Dean wha-.."

"Call me with the name." Dean hung up quickly, shifting Sam in his arms as he tried to stand, his injured body rebelling completely. He took a few minutes to catch his breath, silently grateful that Sam hadn't managed to run that far from the car as his vision began to swim. "Sorry, Sammy." Dean mumbled as he less than gracefully drug his brother to the passenger side of the car, leaving more then a few bumps and bruises as he struggled to get his very big little brother into the seat.

Dean wasted no time as he pulled his beloved car back onto the highway, racing like hell on wheels to the town of Meeteetse. It was only forty miles away, but to Dean it might as well have been on the other side of the country. He could feel his body growing weaker once more, feel cold fingers dancing up and down his spine as he pushed harder and harder on the accelerator, his mind a jumbled mess of the past and the present. The memories of that fateful day running over him.

"Come on, Sammy, just stay with me. We got you out, you're fine now. Just please wake up, I promise everything will be ok."

_Wyoming 1995_

_Dean could have heard the angered voices a mile away, hell he could hear them ever night in his dreams, hear them every day, every moment he let his burdened mind wander. He hated the shouting, hated the anger, but most of all he hated himself for causing it. So many of their fights had revolved around him, so many meals had ended in anger after even the smallest comment about his life. Whether it was his father discussing hunting, or Mr. Harrison discussing school, it always seemed to end in raised voices and slammed doors. Hell, even Sammy was starting to get into the fray, picking fights with his dad, and dragging him into the middle every time._

_That was where he had spent his entire life, always and forever in the middle. Sometimes it was good, like when he snuggled in bed between his parents when he was little, and sometimes it was bad, like well, everything these days. Sam and Kerri wanted him to talk his father into letting them stay, Mr. Harrison wanted him to finish school, and his dad wanted him to become a full time hunter. Everyone wanted something from him, but the problem was that everyone wanted something different, and he was just one sixteen year old boy. _

_He often found himself wondering how he was supposed to keep everyone happy, how he was supposed to refrain from disappointing anyone. It was an impossible task really, so he just did what he had learned to do best. He closed himself off, distanced himself from everyone, hid away his soul and let the world outside see what they wanted, what they needed. _

_So, when he heard the shouts again, heard his name again, he just closed his eyes and silently counted to ten, Evelyn sitting by his side, mimicking him. She had started doing that a few months before, studying Dean almost as though he was a specimen, and he found it down right unnerving. There was something different about her, there had always been something a little off, but he just couldn't place it. _

_The banging of the basement door brought him to his senses once more, as he stood and faced the argument, already feeling that this one would be big. He could see Sammy standing near the bottom of the steps, eyes wide and glistening as he listened to the argument, Kerri crying softly from the staircase above him. They all knew what was coming and they all wanted him to stop it, after all, he had been the wall, the buffer between the kids and adults for so long, there was no reason for him to stop now. _

_The argument was reaching a fever pitch when he heard his father's voice change, heard the edge break through crystal clear. He was about to do and say something that he would regret, that they all would regret. He took a few shaky steps forward, clearing his throat as he addressed his father._

_"Dad, there's nothing new to hunt. Why can't we stay?"_

_It was like being answered by a bulldog. "We can't stay because I say we can't. Now you and your brother get your things and don't forget anything."_

_It was like the world around him froze, the air leaving his lungs in one long breath. He knew it was coming, could hear it boiling up from somewhere deep inside of the older man before him and he wished for it to stop, willed his father to stop speaking, to think about what he was about to do._

_"Because we won't be coming back." It was like glass shattering, Dean's entire existence being erased in those six words, nothing in the world sounding so harsh, so final, so devastating. Nothing that is until he heard his baby brother's choked voice._

_"No."_

_And then he watched in horror as Sammy turned and ran. _

_He couldn't understand where the fear was coming from, didn't know why his mind was screaming at him to follow, pounding against his skull to save him, help him, that something bad was only moments away. He couldn't describe the overwhelming terror that was driving through his bones as he followed his brother out the front door, followed him across the porch, followed him down the steps. He couldn't understand the fear, the terror, that was until he felt the ground beneath him begin to shake._

_He had never seen anything so grotesque, never heard anything so earsplitting, so dread inspiring. He had never imagined such a monster, until he saw it chasing his brother across the muddy clearing, until he saw it wrap its arms around his Sammy, pull the screaming and struggling boy beneath the ground. He had never known such fear until he saw those big brown eyes disappear into darkness, until he felt his brother's hand turn into dirt. _

The shrill ringing of his cell phone made Dean nearly jump out of his skin, his body on a sort of auto pilot as he drove, mind completely lost to that unforgettable day. They were within ten miles of the city, his phone flashing as he opened it with shaky hands.

"Dean?"

"Kerri, where are you?"

"Triple stars motel. What's wrong? Did it attack again?"

"No." Dean ground out. He could feel it growing all around him once more, his arms beginning to bleed and burn as he pressed harder still on the gas, willing his car to forget physics and teleport to the motel.

"Then what happened?"

"It's Sammy."

"Is he ok!?"

"Just be ready for us, we'll be there in ten."

"All right, rooms eleven and twelve, south west corner."

"Thanks."

"Just get here in one piece, Winchester."

"I'll sure as hell try."


	16. Chapter 16

_thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, they really do help me write. i am very sorry for the long wait, but it was my 26th b-day on saturday and i have been away. this next week will also be very busy, so there may not be many updates before sunday._

_thanks for hanging in there. _

_enjoy. let me know what you think!!_

D: just for fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 16

The car swerved as Dean griped the wheel tightly, his hands shaking, fresh blood flowing down his weakening arms. He could feel the attack growing again, the air around him charged and cold, the pain intensifying with each passing moment. But still he pushed on, knowing he had to get to the motel, had to get Sam to safety. That was the only thing he could think about, the only thing that was keeping his failing body going. He had to keep Sam safe, had to get to Kerri. His brother had yet to move, his eyes still wide and unseeing, breathing still shaky and shallow. It was becoming frighteningly apparent that the younger man was shutting down, his heart and mind regressing back to that horrifying day. And Dean knew that it was all his fault. Had he just run faster, dug deeper, stopped his father from yelling, found some way to be perfect, some way to make everyone around him happy then none of this would have happened. And, on top of it all, he had let his little brother suffer with the memory alone for twelve years.

The small motel come into view as Dean bent low over the steering wheel, the pain ripping through his body was becoming too much for him to bear. But he had to get to help, had to keep Sam safe. Nothing else mattered to him but Sammy; waking him up, helping him recover from the long buried nightmare. He always wanted to be there for his little brother, always wanted to keep him safe in the ever growing darkness. Even when Sam was away at school, even when he had shut him out of his life, he still held on to that belief, that purpose, that one thing that made him who he was.

He could see Kerri waiting in the parking lot, her keen eyes landing on the car the moment it entered the driveway, swerving and lurching its way through the lot. Every fiber of his being was grateful that she was there, his tired soul needing someone to lean on, someone to help him through the twilight that was slowly setting in. But he learned long ago not to get his hopes up, not to rely on anyone other then himself.

He had been let down so many times, had the ground beneath his feet shaken so often that he learned not to pray for things, not to expect his wishes to come true. He knew he couldn't let himself rely completely on the girl before him, knew that no matter how much she cared, how much she wanted to help, that she too would eventually leave him, just as everyone always did. No, he had to take care of his family on his own, had to be the wall they leaned against, the constant they had come to expect. He needed to be there for them because, if he wasn't, then no one else would be.

Kerri jumped back as the car sped towards her, Dean barely visible against the steering wheel. She was amazed at the strength her friend possessed, Dean having the ability to push on when any normal person would have long since fallen. He was more then a rock, more then a hero, more then a human being. He was a big brother. That was all that he was and all that she knew he would be, but it was and would always be enough. Being Sam's big brother gave him a power of will that few people in this world could lay claim to. It made him smarter and faster, and made him want to be better in every way, the idea of failing the younger man something he couldn't fathom. His little brother was his world, his responsibility, and Kerri wouldn't be surprised if he defeated death itself to stand by his side.

"Dean?" Kerri called as she ran over to the driver side door, the impala lurching to a stop a few feet from her. "Sam?"

"Kerri." Dean's weak voice rose up to meet her ears, his forehead still pressed against the steering wheel, body shaking violently as new burns began to blossom on his already charred skin. "We gotta get, Sam."

"What happened to him?" She continued as she pulled Dean up from his seat, the hunter leaning most of his weight on her as he willed the world to stop spinning. But he didn't answer, instead shrugging out of her tight hold as he stumbled towards the passenger side, his eyes never leaving his little brother. All breath left her as she looked down at the seat the older Winchester had just vacated, blood covering the leather interior. This attack was worse, much worse then the others. They were running out of time, the entity attacking Dean slowly pulling him down, slowly stealing him from a world that needed him desperately.

"Dean?" Kerri asked again as she rounded the car, blue eyes immediately falling on Sam's empty brown orbs. But, even though his vacant eyes scared her more then she would ever admit, she could see no blood, see no injuries on the younger man. There was something wrong with him, of that she was sure of but Dean was far worse, and Kerri knew what had to be done. "You're hurt, Dean. Get inside and I'll get Sam."

"No. He's my responsibility."

"Dean, get inside. I lined everything with salt, it shouldn't be able to get you."

"No. Sam comes first."

"You can't help him if you're beat to hell."

"Watch me." He stated coldly, pulling his little brother up from the seat. He was weak and hurting, there was no denying that, but Sam came first, Sammy always come first. He was silently grateful that his little brother, while nearly catatonic, was still able to function, still able to walk. Dean shouldered as much of the taller man's weight as he could, Kerri supporting him from the other side as she steered the brothers into their room.

Together they laid Sam out on the far bed, Dean collapsing onto the other like nothing more then a rag doll the moment he knew that his little brother was safe. He was beyond exhausted, his weakened body finally giving out as darkness began to cloud his vision. The last attack had been awful, but Kerri was right, the minute he stepped over the threshold the female spirit had relinquished its hold, had left him barely conscious, but thankfully still alive.

He could feel his friend sitting on the bed beside him, feel her hands running over his sweaty skin, her touch gentle as she changed his bandages and treated his wounds. His mind was swimming, taken over by fever and fatigue, his tense body relaxing as Kerri continued to care for him, continued to do her best to keep him alive.

"Sammy, help, Sammy." He began weakly, trying to swat her hand away as she felt his forehead once more.

"He's not hurt."

"There's something wrong with him."

"He's in shock. I covered him with blankets but there's nothing more I can do for him right now."

"Please, help him first."

"Dean, you're bleeding and your burns are starting to become infected. I promise I will look him over after I fix you up."

"No, check on him now, you have to check on him."

"Dean."

"Please."

"Ok. But don't you bleed to death on me. Promise?"

"Promise."

She knew Dean was hurt bad, knew that he needed real medical attention, not the field medicine she had been trained to use. Not only had his burns become infected, he had also lost a significant amount of blood during the last attack. It was a race against time, and she didn't want to have to lose the self assured hunter all over again, it had been too hard the first time.

She patted Dean once on the chest before moving over to Sam's bed, the older hunter's eyes never leaving his brother's still form. He was putting Sammy's care in her hands, had asked her to look after his brother, share in the burden he had been carrying alone all these years. It was relieving and terrifying, his shoulders lighter, but heart heavier as he watched Kerri work on his brother, her sweet and calm voice echoing through his battered mind and soul.

"Sam?" Kerri asked quietly, putting herself directly into his line of sight. "Sam, can you hear me?" She ran her hand across his forehead, pushing back his bangs as she looked into his catatonic eyes, his breathing even as she checked his pulse. "Sam, honey." She spoke softer still as she leaned in close to him, Dean growing more and more terrified with each passing moment, each minute his brother continued to lay still. "I know that you're in there somewhere, and I know that something has you real scared. But, listen to me, I'm here, and your brother is here, and neither of us is gonna let anything happen to you. You don't have to talk, just squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Dean almost had a heart attack, the air leaving his lungs as he sighed in relief watching Sam's large hand grip Kerri's small one weakly. He could hear her, he knew they were there. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's suffering from a kind of post traumatic stress."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. My dad was on a hunt once, it went really bad and the only survivor was a little boy. He brought him to our house for a little while after, and he was acting just like this. Did something happen in the car? Did something start to attack him too?"

"Not today." Dean answered quietly, his eyes slowly drifting closed. He could feel Kerri move over to him once more, her mind now focused on his life threatening injuries.

"What do you mean?"

"I told him, about the earth demon."

"The one that attacked him when he was little?"

"Yeah. He didn't remember. He blocked it out somehow, blocked out everything that reminded him of it, too. That's why he didn't recognize you, he only remembers bits and pieces."

"Hey, what happened to him back then, it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah."

"I'm serious, Dean. There's nothing you could have done."

"I could've run faster, I could've gotten to him first."

"He had a good head start and that demon was moving faster then anything I've ever seen."

"Still, I should've been there."

"You were there, you dug him up."

"When he wasn't breathing, when he was blue. He's my responsibility."

"I know that. And you keep him safe everyday. You can't let one time overshadow all the rest."

"You haven't been with us, you haven't seen the number of times he's been attacked. You haven't seen what those damn visions do to him, what happened to his girlfriend. I should never have taken him away from school, that's where he belongs."

"Hey." Kerri stated firmly as she finished dressing Dean's burns, thankful that the cuts, though deep, did not require stitching. She sat up slowly on the edge of the bed, one had resting on Dean's stomach as she stared deeply into his troubled eyes. "He shouldn't be anywhere other then with you. You keep him safe, keep him grounded."

"How do you know. Maybe all he needs is a normal life."

"My sister and I had normal lives, and look what happened. Hell, all of the _special_ kids have been normal. The demon hasn't taken him yet, and that's because of you."

"How do you know?"

"Because, everything you have ever done has been for him, every decision you've ever made has been made because of him. You give him something that few people in this world ever really have. I've seen what this demon does, how it works, and it can't get Sam with you here. All the others have either died or gone with it, but not Sam, he's the only one that's ever fought it."

"How do you know it's not messing with us. How do you know Sam will stay Sam?"

"I don't. But you have to have faith in something, right. You can't be afraid of what might happen in the furture, you just have to hold onto what's happening now."

"He deserves more."

"We all deserve more. But deserving and having are two different things."

"What are we supposed to do? How am I supposed to beat it? You don't know how hard this has been, I don't know if I can keep it up."

"You can. You'll always be strong enough because that's who you are. You're both so afraid of losing each other, so worried that the other one is gonna walk away or die in the line of fire. But you're both missing what's right in front of you."

"What's that?"

"That you're both still here, together. You're the best hunter I've ever seen, Dean. Don't be worried about losing him, be thankful that you have him in the first place."

"I can't be the last one left. I can't be like--"

"Like me?"

"I can't, Kerri."

"Well, let's just hope you don't have to be."

"Why wouldn't you tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"About the watcher."

"He's your brother, not mine. You know, family bonding and all that."

"Yeah, well, got a nice little chick flick moment out of it. Thanks"

"Aw, you're going soft, Winchester."

"Shut up."

"So, did you cry on each other's shoulders?"

"Shut, up."

"Dean?" The voice from the next bed was quiet, so quiet that they weren't sure they even heard it.

"Sammy?" Dean breathed, pushing himself up off the bed. "Sammy?"

Kerri moved over to check on the younger man, smiling slightly when she saw his eyes blinking slowly, sleep calling him away. "He's asleep."

"That's a good thing?"

"It will help his mind decide what's real and what's a memory. Hopefully"

"How do you know?"

"I have read a book or two."

"Ok, smart ass."

"Funny. You know, you should get some rest, too. I promise." She added when Dean shot a worried look at his sleeping brother. "I'll wake you up when he comes around."

"Ok." Dean mumbled as he leaned back into the pillows, ever ounce of energy spent. "Hey, Kerri. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I should've come back. I should've kept in touch."

"I'm just as guilty as you are."

"Still, I missed you."

"I missed you to."


	17. Chapter 17

**REWRITE!! I have compeletly rewritten this chapter. just a heads up to anyone that had read the original.**

_hello :) looks like i was able to update a little earlier then i thought. yay!!! thank you again to everyone for the wonderful reviews, they are so very appreciated. i am really glad you all like Kerri. it is very hard to add a girl to their lives. _

_to anyone reading my new story What Becomes of Us, dont worry, i will be updating it again soon, my mind is just wrapped up with this story right now. so hang in there :)_

_enjoy, as always, let me know what you thing!_

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 17

The darkness wrapped itself around Sam, his tall body enveloped by the sweet comfort of nothingness, worries washed away by the deep silence. When had everything become so hard?

When had his life been turned so completely upside-down? He remembered everything with gut-wrenching clarity, his entire life rolling back over him like waves, drowning him in everything he had forgotten.

And he found, to his surprise, that while there were times he wished he would never see again, times when the horror had been almost too much to bear, there were many more times he wished he had never forgotten.

He had been happy, whole, and complete during those years, had the life he had fought his father for as a teenager, the life he had found again at Stanford, and the knowledge of losing that was almost worse then the terror that had suppressed it in the first place.

And laced through all of it was Kerri. She had been so good to him, meant so much to him, fought for him, lied for him, cared for him. She was his first real friend, besides his brother, the first person he could talk to, vent to, the first person that could understand him.

She filled in a void he didn't even know existed, helped him through a youth that had nearly destroyed him. She was always there, whether in person or on the phone, she was always there, ready to drop everything to help him, to be someone to listen. And the guilt of forgetting her was all consuming.

A low moan filtered through the darkened room, breaking the oppressive silence like shattering glass. Kerri looked up at the almost inaudible sound, he blue eyes peering through the shadows as she studied the brothers, keen gaze searching them over for any signs of distress. The moan sounded again as Sam began to stir, his head shaking back and forth weakly, his sweaty hands clenching the sheets tightly.

Kerri moved softly to the edge of Sam's bed placing a calming hand over his heart as he continued to mumble. She could feel his body trembling, the nightmares taking their toll on his already battered soul.

He had been so worried about his brother, his mind so overloaded that she was amazed he hadn't burst. And, try as she might, she knew that she would never be able to fathom what he was going through.

She had tired to help her sister, tried to bring Evelyn back from the brink, but she found the Demon's hold to be much stronger then she had ever thought possible. It wanted these kids, and it wouldn't let anything stand in its way.

"Dean?" Sam mumbled as he began to thrash, as though trying to fight off an unseen attacker, his breaths coming out in short, uncontrolled gasps.

"Shhh, Sam. It's ok." Kerri spoke quietly, running her slender hand over his forehead, searching for any signs of fever as she comforted him. But he continued to fight, continued to call out for his brother, his panic growing with each passing minute.

It was like that horrible day all over again. The young man before her sinking back into the oblivion that had claimed him, falling back into his horror as though the last twelve years had never happened.

She squeezed the terrified man's hand once more before moving to the other bed, placing a shaking hand on Dean's fevered forehead. "Dean." She called softly, watching as the injured hunter's eyes slowly slid open, the green orbs searching the room.

"What's wrong?" His mind immediatly clicked when he saw her, her blue eyes wide and worried, calm demeanour slowly falling. He sat up as quick as he could, his tired body fighting his every movement. But he didn't care, he needed to get to Sam, needed to help him.

"He started panicking, I couldn't calm him down."

"How long?"

"Just a few minutes." She answered, helping Dean move to the other bed.

"Shhh, Sammy. I'm here." Dean began quietly, placing his hand on his brother's forehead, almost as though he were willing what little strength he had into the terrified young man.

Kerri couldn't help but smile as Sam calmed beneath his brother's touch, his body relaxing, breaths evening out as Dean spoke softly to him, telling him jokes, reminding him that that awful day was far in the past.

She took a step back, moving over to the small table, letting the Winchester boys have their moment, letting the brothers comfort each other. She felt like an outsiders, Sam and Dean being so close, so insync that it seemed at times that they were one person, both boys merely seperate pieces of a whole. They were special, and they needed each other, and Kerri would never be one to stand in the way of that.

"I think he's sleeping again." Dean shuffled over to the table, falling slowly into the seat opposite Kerri.

"You can go back to sleep, you know."

"Nah, I think I'll stay up. Just in case."

"All right. How're you feeling?"

"Oh, I've been better. But, at the moment, I'll live. It's Sam I'm worried about. The last time he was like this it was weeks before he was better."

"I don't really think he was better. I think his mind just supressed it. I mean, your dad took you away from here so fast."

"Yeah. But i still should've known."

"How?"

"I don't know, but I should have."

"You're not superman, Dean."

"Sam thought I was. Remember?"

"Yeah, he brought you to show and tell and everything. His poor teacher, she just couldn't convince him otherwise."

Dean smiled briefly, the memory racing in front of his eyes before dying away, falling back into the recesses of his mind. "He doesn't anymore."

"I'm sure a part of him still does."

"No. I've screwed up too many times."

"Dean."

"I've let him down, Kerri."

"You've never let anyone down."

"It's hard, you know. Living up to it all."

"You don't have to live up to anything. You mean the world to Sam, anyone can see that."

"He tried to shoot me."

"Come again?"

"On a hunt. This ghost, it was possessing people, getting them to vent their anger. He hates me."

"Dean, that's impossible."

"You didn't hear him. You didn't watch him pull the trigger."

"You said it yourself, he was being possessed."

"It wasn't just then."

"He's your brother, Dean. Which, by the way, is no easy task. I'm sure he didn't mean it, tempers can flare."

"So you're telling me you fought with Evelyn all the time?"

"No, I'm telling you that I didn't speak with Evelyn, for years."

"What?"

"After you left, I don't know. Things changed. She moved away when she was eighteen, I didn't see her again till she was twenty one. At that point, I would have given anything just to hear her again."

"How did it all go so wrong?"

"I don't know."

The silence fell thick around them, wrapping the two in its deafening blanket, sealing them both in their minds. Everything had gone so terribly wrong, and it had all started with that fateful day, that botched hunt.

John had taken him and his brother and run, never looking back, never calling, never letting the Harrisons know how Sam was. And then, on top of everthing, he started hunting again.

Dean knew that it was his way of dealing with his emotions, his way of making his life matter, but it still angered him, still hurt him. He had been left alone with Sam, his brother nearly comatose for two months while John was who knows where doing who knows what.

It had been him, Dean, that was there through every panic attack, he who went without food so he could let the money last, so he could pay for the room that had become his little brother's sanctuary. He had done it all, brought Sammy back from a darkness he had never fully understood, never fully accepted. And it was he who had sent him back there.

He didn't know how long he sat there, mind racing, heart clenching, soul dying. He needed to keep Sam safe, needed to keep the darkness at bay, but how in the world could he protect the boy from his own memory?

It was like trying to swim with your hands tied, his strong body completely unable to keep himself afloat, completely unable to help his traumatized little brother. And he didn't know how much longer he could handle it.

Just as his mind told him he had had enough, just as he decided that the only thing he could do was fall to his knees and scream, his little brother began to stir, his eyes drifting open as he fought away the suffocating darkness.

"Dean?" Sam breathed again, his eyes fluttering but still refusing to open. Every time he tried to wake all he could feel was the dirt all around him, the cold darkness of the earth above and beneath him, and the look in his brother's eyes as he vanished.

And suddenly his entire world was thrown back into that darkness, the air around him thickening, his lungs tightening as he fought for precious oxygen.

"Hey, hey, Sam, you're ok. Nothing here's gonna hurt you, you're ok, just take deep breaths." Dean was immediatly at his brother's side, watching in horror as his eyes slid closed once more, holding Sam's tall frame as the panic attack sent tremors careening through his body.

Dean continued to speak softly to his little brother, his left hand resting on his shoulder, right hand brushing back his long bangs. He told the younger man where they were, told him they were safe, told him that he was there to protect him, that he wasn't about to let anything hurt him. And slowly but surely, Sam fell into that comfort.

The younger Winchester could feel his body relaxing as every once of his consciousness latched on to the soothing voice, his brother's calloused hand stroking his hair, calming him, calling to him. And he followed him, let him pull him from the darkness, bring him back from the edge.

He stirred for a few more minutes, fighting away his invisible attacker before he let Dean's soothing voice lull him back into the blissful darkness, easing the terror that was still holding his soul.

"He's out again, Dean."

"Yeah."

"Why don't you rest."

"Yeah, ok."

"He'll be fine, don't worry."

"I have to worry, it's Sammy." Dean moved quietly to his bed once more, his eyes staying open for mere seconds once his over worked body hit the soft mattress.

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"Dean?" Sam struggled in his sleep, his tired body fighting as the world around him began to pull him back, the darkness that had clouded his mind falling away, being replaced by the dreary motel room.

"Shhh, Sam. It's ok."

"Kerri?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Where am I?"

"You're in a motel in Meeteetse."

"Where's Dean?"

"He's right here." She continued in her soft and soothing voice, moving to the side slightly so he could see his brother's still sleeping form.

Sam's eyes grew wide as he took in the site before him. Even in the darkness of the room he could still see the burns and cuts that littered his brother's body, Dean's skin frighteningly pale in the dim light.

"Oh, no." Sam's voice was weak, his eyes shinning as he studied his brother. "How long?"

"Six hours."

"What happened?"

"He was attacked again on his way here. You gave us both a pretty good scare."

"I couldn't stop it, it was like everything was happening all over again. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't help him."

"Don't beat yourself up over this."

"I should've been able to hold myself together, Dean would have."

"What happened to you back then was awful, Sam."

"But it happened back then, not now. Now I should be sharp, now I should be burning the bones in that mine, looking out for Dean, not wallowing in my memories."

"We'll get there, Sam."

"In time?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you just go?"

"Because I can't do it on my own. Sam, I know you think I had a hand in saving your brother, and believe me, I wish I did. But the truth of the matter is that I'm not a hunter, not like you two. I mean, give me small stuff and I'm fine, but this, I need your help, Sam."

"What about Dean?"

"Truthfully, I'm afraid that if Dean goes anywhere near that thing--."

"That it'll kill him."

"I don't really know what's going on. The salt seems to help so it must not be physically attached to him, but it still as him somehow. This last attack, it was worse then the others, I just don't know."

"I shouldn't have pushed him, I shouldn't have asked."

"You needed to know. You couldn't let it hide away inside you forever."

"Yeah? Look what happened! This is my fault, it's all my fault."

"Don't do that, Sam."

"Don't do what? If I'd researched better none of this would have happened."

"Yeah, and if Michael and Annabel weren't here you're brother would be gone now. What happened, happened."

"I wish I could fix it."

"We'll get him back to normal."

"Not just that. I wish I could fix everything."

"What do you mean?"

"You know the thing that sticks out most, the worst part of it all wasn't being attacked."

"What was it?"

"Seeing the look in Dean's eyes when I woke up. He was crying, Kerri."

"I remember."

"I've never seen him so scared in all my life, I've never seen him so broken. I mean, after I woke up, he held me so tight that I never thought he would let go. I wish I could fix that. I wish he didn't have to grow up so fast, be so scared all the time."

"You have a good heart, Sam. But your brother chose to be what he is, chose to be responsible for you."

"I wish I could fix you too. I can remember you now, everything about you. I would have done anything in my power to save Evelyn, to save you both. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

He could see her eyes cloud over, her small smile faltering at the mention of her sister's name. The truth of the matter was that she had not dealt with it, had not come to grips with the fact that her family was gone.

Sure, she acted like she was ok, pushed the pain aside as she moved through life, performed the motions of her half empty existence, but she was still so very lost, so very alone, and so very afraid. She acted brave because it saved her having to answer questions, saved her from having to think about them, from her having to remind herself that they were gone.

But having Sam and Dean back changed all that. They knew her sister, their lives tied to her's in ways few other people's were. Every time she thought of the brothers Evelyn and her father were there, and that hurt more then words could describe. She had wanted them for so long, hoped with all her heart that they would return someday, that she would see her beloved friends again.

But now that they were here the pain was taking over, threatening to drown her in a sea she had only just crawled out of. They made her think of Evelyn, made her think of the girl that was no longer by her side, no longer there to grow up with her, laugh with her, cry with her. They made her remember everything that she had lost, and that was a pain she wasn't sure she could bear.

"Go to sleep, Sam."

She watched as Sam's eyes drifted closed once more, knowing that she should have woken Dean, knowing that she had promised him. But he was so hurt, so in need of rest, his body and soul battered far more then they should have been.

She knew what she should have done, but as she watched both boys sleep she knew she couldn't do it. They needed rest just as much as they needed each other, and if they were going to beat this thing, then they all had to be sharp.

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It was another three hours before either brother stirred, Kerri nodding off periodically as she sat on a kitchen chair between the boys, feet propped on the edge of Dean's bed.

The air in the musty motel room was think with their worry and pain, the events of not only the last few days, but of the last few years wrapping around them like a blanket, blocking out all light.

They were all broken and shattered, mere pieces of the children they had once been. They had all had such dreams, such expectations of life, such wonderful visions of the future. They had all wanted to be so much, wanted to fight, promised to be with each other forever.

But those were the promises of small children, the kinds of promises that are often lost in a sea of change, buried beneath the responsibility of growing up, the necessity of moving on.

"This sucks." Dean mumbled as he drifted back into consciousness, his sore and battered body protesting every move. He wanted nothing more then to fall back into the peaceful oblivion that had consumed him earlier, his mind yearning for sleep as he tried to push his eyes closed again.

"Wishful thinking, Winchester." Kerri's voice broke through the haze that was settling in like a beacon in a dense fog, pulling him back into the room, back into the waking world.

"You're evil."

"Oh yeah? What's up with the telling me you miss me then letting your eyes rolling back in your head, you gave me a heart attack."

"I was leaving you in suspense."

"Oh, thank you!"

"How's, Sammy?"

"He woke up a few hours ago."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Dean was hurt, and angry. She had promised.

"It was only for a few minutes. He's fine Dean, and you needed to rest."

"I told you to wake me."

"I'm sorry."

Dean's anger slowly began to fade as looked over his brother, the younger man looking far more relaxed then he had a few hours ago. He knew Kerri did what she did for him, knew that she was looking out for him, but she still should have woken him. He still should have been there for Sam.

"So, he's ok?"

"As ok as he ever was."

"I heard that." Sam's weak voice rose up from the other bed, his body more relaxed, skin more colored then before.

"Well, well, if it isn't freak show." Dean smiled, relief evident in his tired voice. Truth be told he had been terrified by his little brother's earlier behavior, everything in his mind ceasing until he knew that Sammy was safe.

"Very funny."

"What the hell was that before?"

"I don't know, all the memories just came flooding back, I couldn't stop them. It felt like I was buried again."

"Do you think maybe the demon's still here?"

"No, Dean, I don't, I think that maybe I relived a suppressed memory. You know, not everything is supernatural."

"Whatever, Samantha, just don't go doing it again."

"Oh, I don't plan to. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Kerri? How is he?"

"I said I'm fine! Might wanna get your hearing checked over there, geek boy." Dean chided, his body still wracked with pain and fever. He wasn't fine, not by a long shot, but there was no way he was going to tell that to Sam and Kerri.

"He's awake again, which is a good sign." Kerri began, ignoring Dean's scowl as she checked over his bandages. "At the moment, he'll live. But I don't think he can handle another attack."

"Hello, I'm right here."

"What are we supposed to do?" Sam began as he pushed himself up against the headboard, his overflowing mind racing as he spoke.

"We can't take him with us."

"The hell you can't."

"Do you think he'll be safe here?"

"Well, the salt seems to keep it away."

"I'm sitting _right here_ on the bed!"

"Do you think you're up for it, just you and me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Earth to pains in my asses. Stop talking about me like I'm not here!"

"Dean, what would you say if I told you that Kerri and I were going to the caves to burn these bones without you?"

"I'd say get your head out of your ass!"

"Um uh. You see why you're not being involved in this conversation."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Look." Kerri broke in, "We don't have time for this. I've been studying the maps, and I think I have a pretty good idea of where the bones may be."

"See, Dean, easy as pie."

"Well, maybe not quite pie. It's kind of a big area, about seven tunnels branch off of a center chamber that's right below the school. So really, they could be anywhere in that area."

"See, Sammy."

"That still doesn't mean you're going."

"What are you gonna do? Tie me to the bed?"

Sam's eyebrows quirked up at the idea.

"Don't even thing about it or I'll kick your ass."

"Dean, you can't come with us." Kerri spoke up, her voice tense and tired.

"Why not?"

"Because you're body can't go through much more, and I'm afraid the attacks are gonna get stronger the closer you get."

"Well, we'll just have to take our chances now, won't we."

"Dean!" Sam broke in, slamming his hand on the night table. "Stop being an ass!"

"I'm being an ass? You two are plotting to leave me here, to march into abandoned, not to mention dangerous, mines to hunt a spirit we know nothing about.

"So tell me, Sam, how the hell am I being the ass? Just because I don't want the two people I care about to go running into what's more then likely a trap, suddenly I'm the bastard. Is that how this works? I don't think so! Now either I'm going or no one is!"


	18. Chapter 18

_hello :) thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, they really mean alot to me. thank you all again for sticking with this story, it really took on a life of its own, but dont worry, we are getting into the home-stretch and there will be plenty of action soon enough._

_enjoy:) _

_ps: go! eagles!! _

D: Sam and Dean are on my christmas list, but i think it may be easier to get a tickle me elmo. hehehe. this is still all just for fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 18

Sam scowled deeply as the car sped down the road, his white knuckle grip tightening as he pushed harder and harder on the accelerator. He could feel the impala growling beneath him, her engine whining as he continued to push her past the limit. He was angry, scared, and lost, all his emotions boiling inside of him, fighting for dominance. And he wanted nothing more then for this hunt to be over. A little over a week ago there had been nothing in Wyoming other then a simple salt and burn, an angry young child searching revenge.

But now, well, now there just wasn't any way to really describe what he was going through. Ten days ago he had lost Dean, watched him disappear from his side, vanish into the unforgiving night. Eight days ago he had sat, alone, in a motel room, a broken man, the fear of losing his brother running through his veins like hot wax. Four days ago he had found Dean, battered and bruised but alive and with him, and he felt a pressure lift. Two days ago he had met Kerri, learned of a past he had somehow managed to forget, the normal he had craved as an adult erased from his mind. And a few hours ago, he had remembered why.

And, though no longer catatonic, his mind was still a mess, still trying to cope with the horror and the terror he had somehow suppressed for twelve years, and he needed a release or he was going to explode.

"You're hurting my baby."

"I don't care."

"Yeah, well, I do."

"Tough."

"What!"

"I said tough."

"Pull over, let me drive."

"Not a chance." Sam growled out as he tightened his grip, the wheel molding to his hands.

"Sam!" Dean replied, his voice dangerous and low. "Knock it off."

"No."

"What the hell's your problem?"

"My brother's a jackass, that's my problem."

"Yeah, well, we all know that, so don't take it out on the car!"

"Dean, you're dying and you're worried about the car!"

"I'm not dying."

"Yes, you are. You heard what Kerri said."

"She's just guessing, Sam. She's not a doctor."

"So, you're just gonna go there and hope to hell that she's wrong?"

"Pretty much."

"Dean!"

"What, Sam? What else can I do?"

"You can stay back, stay safe, let Kerri and me handle it."

"Are you nuts! Sam, this thing is dangerous."

"Yeah, and it's after you."

"I'm not gonna let you two walk in there alone."

"Why not?"

"Because, I can't lose either of you again!"

"What?"

"Sam, I just, I can't lose either of you. I just got you both back." Dean's voice broke as he spoke, his tired body slumping further into the seat, mind trying to drift away. He couldn't lose them, couldn't watch them walk into the dark knowing that they may never return, that just wasn't an option. They were everything he had in the world, everything he would ever have. His heart was so shattered, soul so drained, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it all together if he lost one of them.

They were like lifelines in an ever darkening world, their voices pulling him back from the brink, guiding him back to sanity. He didn't know how everything had become so screwed up, when he had become so dependent on Sam and Kerri, all he knew was that they were his purpose. He was Sammy's big brother and Kerri's best friend, and he didn't want to be anything else, wouldn't let himself be anything less.

"What makes you think we can lose you?" Sam answered quietly, the impala slowing as he loosened his death grip. There it was plain and simple, Dean wouldn't, couldn't lose him, but he did think anything of losing himself, and that was like ice in the younger man's heart. He knew his brother thought he was strong, thought he would be ok without him, that life would be all sunshine and daisies for his little brother, but the truth of the matter was that, without Dean, Sam wasn't sure what his life would be.

Even when he was at school, thousands of miles from his brother, he still thought of him, still wondered if he would ever find Dean, standing on his doorstep. It was a thought that had helped him survive college, helped him grow, helped him live, and Sam didn't think he would be strong enough to carry on if his big brother was ever really gone for good.

"That doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does."

"You don't understand, Sammy. When Kerri went missing in the woods, I couldn't breath I was so afraid. And when... When that demon got you, Sam, I wanted it to take me, too. I can't let anything happen to you, I wont."

"Dean--." Whatever else Sam wanted to say was lost as his brother's cell phone began to ring, Dean's eyes still dark and distant and he dug it out, clearing his throat before answering.

"Yeah?"

"I'm here." Sam heard Kerri answer, her voice a bit hesitant. "How far out are you?"

"Ten minutes, don't go in till we get there."

"I'm not an idiot. And, Dean--."

"Save your breath, I'm going." And with that Dean hung up, the brothers driving the last ten minutes in silence.

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The entrance to the old mines stood there before her, mocking her, like a void, a darkness that would again swallow her whole. She had lost so much in her life, had so much taken away that she knew not to get attached to things, not to hold out hope. But the Winchesters were different. They made her want to believe, made her want to hold on to the light. They were something in her life that she never wanted to lose, something in her life that she never wanted to see walk away. And that scared her more then anything. She had barely managed to survive losing her father and sister, and she knew that losing one of the brothers would destroy her.

The low growl of the impala ripped through the still air around her, calling to her as it had her entire life, signaling the boys arrival like a trumpet. For years after they had left she would awaken, ears trained to the quiet night, listening, hoping, praying for that deep growl, that soft rumble, for any sign of Sam and Dean. She would hold her breath, sure that she had heard them laughing, sure that she had heard them arrive, that when she went downstairs, they would be there. But they never were, and after her familys' deaths she found their absence even harder to bear.

The black car pulled up beside her, Kerri still leaning against the hood of her firebird, staring deeply into the mouth of the mines, willing something to stare back. She had finally gotten them back, finally had Sam and Dean by her side, and she would be damned if she was going to let some spirit take them away from her.

"Trying to think it to death?" Dean chided as he pulled himself from his car, his slow strides and labored breaths not going unnoticed by either Sam or Kerri as he leaned against the hood of the firebird.

"Wouldn't that be nice."

"Yeah, Sammy'd be like a super hero."

"You could be his sidekick."

"Nah, neither of us would look good in tights."

"Wow, you've thought this through."

"Yeah well." Dean winced as he pulled at his stitches, his hand unconsciously rubbing his chest as he waited for the pain to subside.

"Dean--."

"I'm fine."

"Oh, yeah, that's not a lie."

"Look, I already got the evil eye from Sammy, can you just cut me a break?"

Sam shot Dean a look from the trunk as Kerri continued. "Why can't you just stay here?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Dean, we'll be fine."

"Oh, yeah, and what if you're not?"

"Who's to say that we won't still be hurt with you in there."

"At least I'll be in there."

"What you mean." Sam stated angrily as he slammed the trunk. "Is that at least you'll be trapped with us."

"Drop it, Sam."

"Look." Kerri broke in, knowing that arguing with Dean was useless. "Let's just get this over with. The school's about four miles from here, once we get there we're gonna have to search all seven tunnels."

"Were you able to narrow it down?" Dean asked, laying back on the hood of Kerri's car, his vision suddenly swimming. He knew he was fighting a losing battle, knew that he should be in the motel, resting, but he also knew that that wasn't an option. He had to fight, had to keep Sam safe, no matter what.

"No." Kerri began quietly, trading worried looks with Sam. "That's the best I could do. As far as I've been able to find the townspeople chased the woman and her son into the back of the mine then set fires on their way back out. They never had a chance."

"Sickos."

"We should get going. The longer we stay here, the more chance there is that something will attack you again."

"Yeah, just give me a minute."

"Dean--."

"Shut it, Sam."

"Here." Sam pulled Dean up by the arm, taking on as much of his brother's weight as he could before turning to the opening of the mine, his mind racing. "We have to get this done."

"I can walk, Sam."

"Yeah, well, if your stubborn ass gets to go in, then my stubborn ass gets to help you."

"Oh, Sam, that was beautiful."

"Shut up and focus, and Dean."

"Yeah."

"The second something starts to attack you, tell us."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious."

"You always are."

Dean leaned heavily on his brother as they made their way through the abandoned mines, the wood struts creaking and moaning as the three continued down the darkened paths, Kerri leading the way. They were in over their heads, and all three of them knew it. But, like most things in their young lives, they had no control over it.

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The hike was slow, the trio having to stop ever few minutes so Dean could rest, his tired body finally reaching its limits in the black abyss. Sam could feel the fever beating off of him, his brother's face coated with sweat, eyes unfocused and dull in the dim light, but he knew they couldn't stop. He and Kerri took turns leading Dean as they made their way through the maze, marking their path with chalk as they moved, their eyes searching every shadow, ears perking at every noise.

It took them a little over three hours to get to the catacombs under the school, all three exhausted. Sam eased Dean down against the wall, his older brother's eyes glassy and distant as he stared around the space, his breathing coming out in short shaky gasps. Sam wanted to kick himself, knowing his brother was in no condition to be wandering through the caves. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

"Dean?"

"It's ok, Sam."

"What's ok?"

"Nothin's in the dark. I checked." Dean mumbled as his eyes drifted closed.

"Dean? Damn it." Sam cursed as he felt his brother's forehead, Dean's skin radiating heat.

"What?" Kerri asked, moving over to the brothers.

"His fever. We gotta get him out of here, Kerri."

"I know, but we gotta burn the bones first."

"We don't have time." Sam began, trying in vain to wake his brother.

"Sam, he's just gonna get attacked again. We have to burn the bones while we're here, we may not get another chance."

"Damn it."

"We can put him in a salt circle and check the caves ourselves."

"And what if he comes to and tries to find us? What if something attacks him again and we're not here?"

"We won't be able to stop it."

"Still, we should stay with him."

"All right, you stay, I'm gonna search the tunnels."

"What! Are you nuts?"

"Sam, we're running out of options here."

"Ok, ok. I'll stay, you search the first two and then come back, then I'll do the next two."

"Ok. I brought some radios. Call me if anything happens to him."

"Yeah, and Kerri."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"You too." Kerri smiled before heading down the first of the seven shafts, her flashlight trained on the ground before her, hoping against hope that life would be kind and let the bones be in the first cavern. But, then again, when was her life ever easy.


	19. Chapter 19

_i want to thank everyone again for the wonderful reviews, i hope you are all still enjoying the story. :) let me know. _

D: Nope, i still dont own supernatural, that belongs to greater minds then mine :).

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 19

Kerri walked on through the heavy darkness of the second tunnel, the silence falling around her like a suffocating blanket, hiding her away from the rest of the world. Her flashlight illuminated the gloom like nothing more then a dying candle, the black void encroaching upon the dim light, large shadows dancing on the low walls, tricking her already tired mind. She needed to finish this as fast as possible, needed to find the bones and burn them, to repay Dean, to save him after he had saved so many.

The rotted wooden struts creaked and moaned above her as dirt cascaded down from the crumbling ceiling. She could feel the mines closing in on her, feel the air rush from her lungs, the darkness snaking around her soul. It was almost unbearable, her heart skipping as icy fingers danced their way up and down her spine, brushing away the hairs on the back of her neck. And she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched, followed. She fought to keep herself calm, to keep her mind from drifting back to that dark forest, to that night nearly seventeen years before, the night the watcher took here, when a sudden sound made her stop.

"Sam?" She turned, shinning the light behind her, searching the shadows, but there was no sign of the younger hunter. She peered into the dark for a few more minutes, her blue eyes sharp as she challenged the darkness, daring the spirits to make their presence known. "Yeah." She sighed, turning back to the tunnel. "This was a smart idea."

She clicked the radio a few times, suddenly desperate to hear the brothers' voices, needing some sense of comfort, some link to life beyond the void. It had been so long since she had seen them, so long since she had smiled, felt whole, felt alive, and now she was facing the reality of having it all taken away, ripped from her arms just like her sister was. And the thought of being truly alone sent chills racing through her body. She needed the brothers far more then they would ever know.

"Sam, Dean? Come in." But her eager ears were met by nothing more then mocking static. "Sam? Can you hear me?"

"Crap." Kerri looked between the mouth of the tunnel and the beckoning gloom of the long shaft, her mind telling her to turn back while her heart told her to keep going. This was Dean's only chance. She tightened her grip on the shotgun and shifted the bag on her shoulder before turning back to the oblivion and walking straight into the darkness, Dean's safety the only thought in her mind.

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Sam sat in the salt circle, his brother's head leaning heavily on his shoulder as the younger man stared out into the darkness, listening for some sign of Kerri. His heart beat fast as he scanned the shadows, hand tight on his shotgun. He should never have let her go alone, he should have made her stay with Dean, searched the tunnels himself. His mind had been so focused on his brother, his every thought trained on helping him, on keeping him safe, that he hadn't fully understood what Kerri said until she was gone.

"Sammy?" Dean's weak voice brought Sam back to his senses, his dark brown eyes looking down into his brother's fevered green ones. He had been drifting in and out of consciousness, the infection growing within him as they sat in the cold darkness. Time was running short, and the younger Winchester knew it.

"I'm here, Dean."

"I'm freezing."

"Sorry." Sam whispered as he pulled off his own jacket, wrapping it around his older brother's pale and trembling body, thankful that the spirit had not attacked him again.

"Don't want it." Dean mumbled as he tried to push Sam's jacket off of him, the younger hunter holding it firmly in place. He was alarmed to see how weak his brother really was, how much the ordeal had taken from him. Dean was the strongest person he knew, hell the bravest, too. He never let anything keep him down, and now, seeing him so weak, so reliant on him made the younger Winchester's heart ache. It wasn't fair.

"You're cold, take it."

"No, don't want you to get cold."

"I'm fine."

"Don't wan' it, Sammy."

"Too bad."

"I'm bigger."

"Actually, you're not."

"Jerk." Dean mumbled finally giving up his fight, shooting his little brother childish scowls as he sunk beneath the warm fabric, leaning further into the younger man as his body searched for comfort. Something was missing though, something was supposed to be there that wasn't, but he couldn't place it, he just knew that something was lost.

It was a feeling he had had for years, like an idea dancing at the edge of thought, a shadow always just out of focus, a horizon always just beyond his reach. He always knew there was something missing, something always lacking, something lost.

"Where's Kerri?" That was it, finally, that was it. She had been lost, missing, needing to be found, to be kept safe. It was Kerri all along, always there, lurking in the corners of his mind, waiting one day for him to return. He had let her down, failed her, but still she waited, still she greeted him with open arms, welcomed back not only him, but his family, after so many years of distant silence. She was something constant, something permanent, something grounding, real. But now, she was missing.

"Uh."

"Where is she?" Dean asked in a slight panic, his fevered and delirious mind drifting back to that long gone night, falling back into that still, silent forest; that horrible, lonely twilight all those years ago. He shivered again as the memory washed over him, dug into him, drained a little more of his waning strength. And the thought of it all happening again was too much for him.

"She went to check the first two tunnels."

"Alone!"

"There weren't many other options."

"Damn it, Sammy. Why'd you let her go?"

"We needed to find those bones. What are you doing?" Sam looked at his brother in panicked bewilderment, Dean pushing himself up on shaky legs, jaw set, eyes dangerously focused, all signs of fatigue momentarily gone. He was a man on a mission, his own sickness, his own failing body pushed aside, given away for someone in need of help, someone he felt he had to save.

"Gonna get her."

"You can't."

"Try and stop me."

"Just stay here, all right, I'll get her."

"On what planet do you think that would happen?"

"Dean!"

"Come on, Sammy... need my sidekick." Dean mumbled with a smirk, his high fever beginning to take control once more. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, his little brother's tall frame catching him as the motion sent him falling to the ground.

"I'm not your sidekick." Sam stated as he steadied Dean on his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist as he pulled his brother's loose limb over his shoulder. Dean was suddenly more like a talking sack of potatoes then a hunter.

"Super Dean and geek-boy?"

"No."

"Why not."

"Because it's stupid."

"Party crasher. You just don't wanna wear tights."

"You're right, there."

"Come on, we're a good team." Dean smiled up at his brother, blinking again to try and clear his vision. He could see shadows all around him, calling to him, begging for him to follow. And, had it not been for Sam's strong grip, he would have obeyed. He couldn't explain it, but the shadows seemed to want him.

"We can be a good team and not be super heroes."

"What super power do you want?"

"Uh." Sam rolled his eyes as he lead his brother down into the tunnel, his body tense, eyes sharp as he scanned the darkness, unable to shake the feeling that he was being followed. "Invisible."

"Oh, little Sammy wants to sneak in the girls locker room."

"Dude, there are other reasons to be invisible."

"Don't need any others."

"So, what would you're power be?" Sam asked, as Dean began to slump forward, his eyes drifting closed.

"Fly." He mumbled, his voice barely more then a low whisper.

"What?"

"I'd fly."

"Why?"

"Because, it's free up there. No one to bug me."

"Dean--." He didn't know what to say. He knew that the fever was making his older brother bear his heart, mumble things that a completely coherent Dean would never let the world know, but he didn't care. Sure, his brother would deny it till he was blue later, but right now he was being honest and open, and it was something Sam desperately needed.

He was all he had left in the world, their small family shattered, their father so absorbed in his revenge that he had little time for anything else. But Dean, well, Sam knew that Dean would always be there, no matter what. Relying on Dean was like waiting for the sun to rise; it would always be there, every day, forever, chasing away the darkness with a warm, unending light.

"I wouldn't stay up there forever." Dean quickly added, almost as though he could sense what Sam was about to say. "Just for a little while. Just to relax. And, you know, look down on ladies tanning in their backyards."

"I knew there was a motive."

"Always is. Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"How long ago did Kerri leave?"

"About an hour, hour and a half. But, I spoke to her on the radio about twenty minutes ago, when she finished searching the first tunnel." Sam added quickly, feeling Dean's shoulders tense.

"Nothing since?"

"No, but, Dean, I'm sure she's fine."

"And what if she's not? What if something happened to her and I wasn't there?"

"Dean--."

"I can't, Sammy, I can't let her get hurt again, I won't. You didn't find her in those woods, you didn't see her. I can't let that happen again, I can't see her like that again."

"Ok... Ok. We'll find her." Sam spoke softly as he steadied his brother, taking on still more of the ailing man's weight. He just hoped to god that he was right, he didn't know what he would do if they couldn't find her in time.

6666666666666666666

Kerri continued on through the darkness, her mind racing, heart beating faster with each shaky step. This was wrong, everything was just wrong, but she wouldn't let herself stop. Dean had been there for her far to many times to back down now. She slowed to a stop, her body tense, ears trained, listening to what she hoped she had not hear. But, there is was again, growing slowly from behind her, coming through the darkness. She could feel the breath catching in her throat as the rocks and dirt crunched under a heavy foot, an odd dragging, gasping sound echoing through the darkness surrounding her, moving closer to her with each passing moment.

She shut off her light and carefully pulled herself back against the wall, hiding her slim frame in the shadowed cracks along the rocky surface, trying her best to blend in with the darkness. Something was coming, creeping up from the black void, stalking her. She held her breath as the sounds grew, an odd flicking light shinning down the path before her, flashing and dancing like fire. She calmed herself with one final breath before tightening her grip and stepping out into the light, shotgun poised and ready.

"Holy sh--." Sam gasped as he pulled his brother to the ground, kicking out at his attacker, catching the intruder in the knee as he rolled to cover Dean. He pulled his shotgun up as she shielded his brother, scanning the area with the dim light that his fallen flashlight cast, searching for some sign of the attacker. But, instead of seeing an angry spirit looming before him he saw Kerri, laying on her back rubbing her knee, shotgun discarded at her side.

"Damn it."

"Kerri?"

"Sam?"

"Oh my god, you scared the crap out of me." Sam let out a long breath as he fell onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, willing his heartbeat to slow.

"What were you doing sneaking up behind me?"

"We came to save you." Sam answered sheepishly, pulling Kerri back to her feet before turning to Dean, who was leaning against the wall, a stupid grin on his face.

"See, that's why you're the sidekick."

"Bite me."

"What are you two really doing down here?" Kerri asked as Dean's head fell back against the wall, green eyes glazed over with fever.

"We came to get you." Dean answered weakly, Sam scanning the tunnel with his light, his deep brown eyes searching for any signs of the spirit. He knew he should have been grateful, that his tense and tired body should have relaxed once he found Kerri, but he couldn't shake the awful feeling the was slowly growing in the pit of his stomach, the thought that something was very wrong. This thing had been attacking Dean on and off for days, threatening to rip his big brother away from him, burn him to a crisp while he slept. But now, now they were in the mines and nothing was happening, nothing was coming to attack. No, now they were catching their breath after nearly shooting each other, and Dean was laughing. And suddenly, everything clicked in the younger man's mind. It was a trap.

"We have to go, now." Everything was too easy, the hunt too straightforward. This was a trap, and they had all walked right into it.

"We gotta burn the bones." Kerri protested, her eyes glued on Sam. She could sense his unease and it terrified her. She had been looking at it all as a simple salt and burn, a simple hunt, but things were quickly spiraling out of control.

"We'll come back."

"Sam?" Dean's head lolled as he looked up at his brother, Sam standing before him, bracing to pull him off the cold ground.

Sam froze as he stared at his brother, Dean's breath coming out in small puffs of frosted vapors, the temperature in the cavern dropping fast. It was now or never. "Come on, Dean, we gotta go. Kerri, get your stuff, we're moving."

But it was already too late, the trio not even being able to take one step before both Sam and Kerri's flashlights flickered then died, plunging them into darkness, Dean's weak voice the only sound in the cold air.

"I hate it when that happens."


	20. Chapter 20

_happy holidays everyone! i was able to get two chapters done today. :) i didnt want to leave you all with that mean little cliffy, though there is one on this chapter as well. i will be pretty busy, (christmas really snuck up on me this year) and i may not be able to post till tuesday. so i figured i would do a holiday twofer. as always, enjoy and let me know what you think. :) _

_PS: just thought i'd add this about Dean wanting to fly. one, the poor guy has a fever. lol. and two, i always thought he wasnt so much afraid of hights as afraid of not being in control of the airplane. lol, though i still did think it was funny. :) _

D: just for fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 20

The cold air grew heavier as the quiet darkness wrapped around them, the shadows mocking them, pulling at them, challenging them as the world around them faded into oblivion. They could all smell the ozone, feel the charge in the air, the icy fingers dancing up and down their spines. The spirit was coming, and it was coming for Dean.

It had lured them into a trap, brought them here, shrouded them in an impenetrable darkness. It was drawing them back, bring them to the caves, down into the caverns where it had been trapped, where she and her son had been murdered. It wanted Dean to die the same way they had, blamed him for their demise, and in-turn decided to punish him for something he had not done. It had been planning his death ever since he struck that match, ever since it pulled him down into the darkness, down beneath the earth, but Michael and Annabel had gotten in the way. They had found him, taken him to safety, taken him to friends and family, and now the spirit wanted him back, and it didn't seem to care who got in the way.

"This can't be good." Dean's weak and shaky voice broke through the silence, fading into the darkness that he was completely lost to. While neither Sam nor Kerri could see him they could both hear it in his words, feel it in his touch; he was fading fast, the infection finally taking over his ailing body.

"What was you're first clue." Sam mumbled as he felt his brother's forehead, his fear growing as the heat beat off the older man. At the rate they were going the spirit woman wouldn't have to kill him. "Kerri, do you have the bags?"

"They're over by the other wall, I'll get them." Kerri began to crawl along the rocky floor, her eyes staring hard into the darkness, completely blinded to everything that was around her. She nearly screamed when a large, strong hand clamped down on her calf, holding her back when she tried to move. "What the hell."

"Stay here." Dean's voice was weak, but his grip on her leg was like a vice, his arm shaking as he held onto her, clung to her like a lifeline.

"I'm just going to be a few feet away."

"No. Stay here."

"Dean, I need to get our stuff."

"No." He whispered again, his hand clenching her leg even tighter, heat radiating down his arm and into her cold body. "Don't go into the dark."

"Dean, she'll be ok, she's not going far."

"No. Don't you know what happens. She'll walk away into the dark and then just disappear. That's how it happens."

"I'll talk to you the whole time."

"No."

"Will you be ok if Sam goes?"

"I'll go." Dean whispered, trying to move, but Sam held him firmly in place.

"No, you definitely won't go." He stated, finally prying Dean's hand from Kerri's leg, knowing that his tight grip must have left a large bruise. Kerri crawled over to the bags as quickly as she could, Dean struggling with his brother behind her, his voice barely more then a whisper, but still heartbreaking none the less.

His fevered mind had thrown him back into the past, thrown him back to the night she had been taken by the watcher, the night she literally disappeared into thin air. She never really knew how badly that had effected him, how much he had truly blamed himself for her ordeal, for her horror. She never knew because she never blamed him, not even for a moment.

"All right, I got it." Kerri crawled back over to the brothers, resting one hand on Dean's knee, searching through one of the duffels with the other. "What are you looking for?"

"Salt." Sam answered, sifting through the other, feeling everything he came across, trying to guess what was a canister of salt and what wasn't.

"Ha." Kerri shouted a few minutes later, startling both brothers. "Found something better." Her face was suddenly illuminated in the flickering glow of the lighter, the small flame shinning through the heavy darkness. She held it over Dean first, checking his bandages and his eyes, his skin flushed and sweaty. "Not lookin' to hot there, Winchester."

"I'm always hot."

"Shine it over here for a second, I think I found the salt." Sam pulled the two canisters from the bag, standing up slowly as he opened one.

"What are you doing?"

"Making a circle around, Dean."

"It hasn't attacked him yet, you think it will now?"

"Salt won't help you, nothing will." The voice was like an icy gale, all three going rigid when the soft yet still spiteful sound fell upon their ears. There was no mistaking the venom behind her words, the declaration like ice driving into their hearts, freezing the blood in their veins.

"We didn't do anything." Sam stated, staring straight at the spirit, her eyes flickering like flames, long dark hair charred and smoldering, skin melted and black with soot. But still she smiled, a hungry, manic smile, as she stared down at Dean, shielded behind Sam and Kerri.

"He murdered a child."

"That kid was already dead, and he was killing others."

"Vengeance must be served. What type of world would we raise our children in if those that were guilty were not punished for their actions?"

"He's not guilty of anything."

"No? Do you know how many lives a person like him destroys?"

"None."

"They chased me here, I was innocent and they chased me here, set fires so I couldn't leave, then they threw my little boy in after me, tossed him to the flames like he never mattered. And they called it justice."

"That wasn't him, that wasn't us."

"Does it matter? You are all the same, so quick to judge, so eager to make other's responsible for your mistakes. And I cannot allow that."

"I'm sorry about you're son, and I'm sorry about how you were treated. It wasn't right and if I could have done something to stop it, I would have. But my brother is innocent. He doesn't deserve to die."

"I'll be the judge of that." And with those words she was gone, leaving behind an icy wind, a frozen breeze floating in her wake.

"Well." Dean whispered, closing his eyes as he leaned against Kerri. "That went well."

"Yeah, says you."

"Don't you think it's a little, odd, that she just kind of left." Kerri asked, wrapping an arm around Dean's shoulders as he began to shiver. No sooner had the words left her mouth, then the space seemed to grow hazier, the cold cavern hotter. She and Sam met eyes before their fears were realized. Fire, hot, raging fire was moving their way, blocking their exit from the mines.

"You just had to say it." Dean chided, his eyes growing wide as the flames danced, licking the walls of the tunnel as it grew closer.

"Come on. Up and at em, Dean." Sam grabbed his brother under the arms and heaved him to his feet before the older man had the chance to object. He wrapped his arm around Dean's waist and pulled him down the corridor, further and further into the mines, Kerri close at their heels.

"Sammy, slow down." Dean gasped as his brother continued to pull him down the tunnel at breakneck speed, the older hunter stumbling as he tried to match his little brother's strides.

"That's not really an option right now, Dean."

"Please."

"Turn up here." Kerri's voice rose up from behind them, the flames slowing as they neared a junction in the tunnel.

"What?"

"Just, turn up here."

"What if it's a dead end?"

"Just trust me, Sam."

"Fine." They turned the corner as quick as they could, Kerri stopping only long enough to line the entrance with salt before they continued on, coming to another large junction about a hundred meters down. "Ok, which way." Sam asked breathlessly, pulling Dean up as he scanned the cavern.

"Sammy, stop." Dean coughed out, sliding slowly from his brother's tight grasp, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps. "I can't."

"Dean?"

"Just put me down, Sam. I can't run."

"We'll be ok here for a bit." Kerri answered, she too out of breath as she sealed the other four entrances with salt, effectively shutting out the spirit and her fire. "We'll be safe until the smoke gets closer."

"Then what?"

"Well, I was hoping one of us would have a plan by then."

"Burn the bones." Dean gasped from the floor, his tired and fevered body doubled over from pain, the run having taken most of his energy.

"We need a better plan."

"What better plan, that's all there is."

"Yeah, but we don't know where they are, and now the mine's on fire."

"Always picking out the negative."

"We need some kind of distraction." Sam chimed in, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it to his brother. "You said this section of the mine is connected, right?"

"Yeah."

"And we're sure that her bones are around here somewhere?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think it's safe to assume that she wouldn't burn her own bones."

"You know what happens when you assume, Sammy."

"Would you let me finish."

"Guys."

"Ok." Sam began again, running his hands through his shaggy hair. "Like I said, she wouldn't burn her own bones."

"And?" Kerri asked, sitting again by Dean's side.

"We find out where the fire hasn't spread to and that's where the bones are."

"No offense, Sammy." Dean mumbled, his eyes closed, head on Kerri's shoulder. "But that idea sucks."

"I don't see you coming up with one."

"It's the best we've got." Kerri jumped in before the brothers could start arguing again, everyone's nerves at their limits. "We should split up, it'd be faster. And just me and Sam." She added, looking pointedly at Dean. "No debate."

"No."

"Dean. You can't run and you're just gonna end up getting yourself burnt to a crisp." Sam added, his tired body tensing as they laid out their plan. It was reckless and a little stupid, but it was all they had.

"So what, you two'r just gonna run through the mines and hope she doesn't get you?"

"Well when you say it like that."

"It's still our only option. Do you have a map?" Sam sighed, his brother not really making this much easier. In all truth, it was the kind of plan that Dean would've come up with, and Sam knew that the only reason his older brother wasn't up for it was because he didn't get to participate.

"Yeah." Kerri answered, sifting through her pack, pulling out the old maps. "We're right here." She pointed to a mid sized cavern a few hundred meters away from the one they had started in, five shafts intersecting with it. "Now, this doesn't met up with the first or the last one. So let's just hope that this woman isn't in number seven. The longest of the tunnels in five hundred meters, the shortest is two."

"We should check to make sure she isn't in here. Because, you know, that'd be kind of ironic if you two burned up in the tunnel and the little bitch was with me the whole time." Dean stated angrily, obviously not thinking much of the others' plan.

"All right, we'll check this one." Kerri added, handing the maps and a radio to Dean.

"And." Sam began, checking to two shotguns before handing one to Kerri. "Any signs of fire you turn back. And Dean."

"Yeah?"

"Don't follow us."

"Yeah, yeah. I heard ya' the first hundred times."

"I mean it."

"You always mean it."

"That's because you always do the opposite of what I say."

"That's what brother's do. Read the handbook."

"We'll call you on the radios." Kerri broke in, her voice soft and calming, but her eyes were wide and terrified. She was in over her head, hell, they all were, but they didn't really have much of a choice. It was do or die. "We'll be fine, Dean."

"You're about to go out and play chicken with a demented ghost and her angry fire. I don't think, _fine_, is the right word."

"We'll be fast at least."

"Yeah, well just, hurry back. Because, you know, I get bored."

"We'll be back before you know it. All the tunnels are inter connected, it'll be hard for her to corner us."

"But not impossible."

"Nothing's impossible."

"Just, watch our backs and stay put." Sam added as he and Kerri made their way to opposite sides of the cavern, both disappearing into the growing darkness, over the lines of salt and into the line of fire, leaving Dean alone.

"They will never find me. Not before I find them."

Dean's head snapped up at the voice, his tired eyes falling on the silvery figure at the first doorway, smoke beginning to billow in from behind her.

"You're friend is smart, laying salt to try and stop me, but I will find them, and I will kill them. Unless, you surrender yourself to your fate."

"You know, I have faith in those two."

"Do you? Will you feel the same when you hear them screaming?"

"I don't intend on ever hearing that."

"Your arrogance blinds you."

"At least I'm not a bitch."

"You and your friends will never leave this place, of that I am certain."

"Well, then, you obviously don't know us at all." And with that Dean cocked his shotgun and fired, the ghost woman disappearing with an ear splitting scream. "Come on you two, prove me right."


	21. Chapter 21

_hello! i hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday. i want to again thank you all for the wonderful reviews, they really do help me write quicker. so, barring any unforseen plot ideas (lol) there will only be two more chapter after this one. i want to again thank everyone for your wonderful support, i know this story has gotten a little long._

_well, on with the show. enjoy and please let me know what you think :)_

D: kerri and her family are mine, but the rest belongs to kripke.

**SOMETHING LOST **

Chapter 21

Sam moved slowly through the darkness, his trained eyes taking in every shadow, the shotgun held firmly in his grasp, flickering flashlight illuminating the path as best it could. He shifted the pack on his shoulder, the smell of smoke drifting in through the maze. He could feel the heat radiating through the narrow tunnels, charging down into the confined spaces, heralding the fire's arrival.

He brushed back his sweat soaked bangs as he swept the light back and forth across the rocky ground, his trepidation growing with each passing moment. They had to burn the bones, had to keep Dean safe, but that wasn't their only problem. None of them knew how the fire was attached to the malevolent spirit, and there was no way of knowing if it would dissipate or grow stronger once she was gone. Sam knew they had gone into this hunt blind and now they were paying the price, but, at the moment, there really weren't many other options.

He knew that, had they taken Dean and ran then he just would have been attacked again, that bringing him back to the mines was all they could do. And, as he walked, it all seemed to click for the young hunter, all the events of the past week falling horribly into place. The further away from the mines they got, the more frequent Dean's attacks became. It was almost as though the spirit knew where they were, and now it was pulling them in, steering them back to it like rats in a maze. But, when it came down to a battle for his brother there was no contest, Sam would fight for him till his dying breath.

_"Paging Sammy Winchester."_

"The radio isn't a toy, Dean."

"_Yeah, yeah. Says you."_ His brother's voice crackled back through the radio.

"What's up?"

_"Just checking in."_

"Dude, I've only been gone for ten minutes."

_"Really? It seems longer."_

"Yeah well, it hasn't been."

_"Someone's in a bad mood."_

"Dean, did something happen or are you just calling for a chat?" Sam moved stealth fully though the passage to the next shaft, his eyes still searching, body tense and alert. Everything suddenly seemed too easy, the spirit having yet to show herself to him, yet to attack, the fires she had set crackling behind him, but not closing in.

_"Well, if you mean by something, did I have a nice little talk with psycho bitch? Then yeah."_

"What! Where the hell are you?" Sam yelled into the radio, subconsciously turning back in the direction of his brother, fearing that Dean had decided to search the tunnels himself.

_"Hey! I'm right where you're scrawny ass left me. She's the one that popped up in one of the doorways."_

"Oh. What'd she say?" He answered back sheepishly, almost feeling Dean's glare through the static filled radio as he turned back towards the tunnel he was searching, the bones still nowhere to be found.

_"Oh, you know, textbook evil 'you will never defeat me' rant."_

"Are you ok?" He knew it was a stupid question but he had to ask, even if it was only to hear Dean's voice, to hear his brother say that he was fine, that everything would be all right, even if it was a lie.

_"Yeah, how 'bout you?"_

"Peachy."

_"Have you found anything yet?"_

"No. I finished the second tunnel and now I'm working on the third, but there's nothing here. Even the fire's hanging back."

_"So, the bones should be around there."_

"Yeah, but they're not. I don't know, Dean, something just feels off. I think we're going about this the wrong way."

_"Have you seen our host?"_

"Dude, there's nothing here but the dark."

_"Well, that's just great. What about you, Kerri? Find anything?"_

Sam froze in his place, his breath stilling, static filling the air. It was all too easy, everything was just too easy. It had lured them there, attacked Dean every time it seemed that they would stay away. It was smart, smarter then they had given it credit for. And now they were right where it wanted them.

It hadn't just been after Dean, it had been after all of them. The townspeople had killed her son, thrown him to the fire, the mother watching, witnessing his death. And now it wanted those responsible to suffer. That's why it was attacking children at the school, making the parents suffer, and that is what it was doing now. It wanted Dean to suffer, wanted absolution, wanted the worst kind of revenge. Yes, it wanted him to die, but it wanted him to go through hell first, and they had played right into it. They were all separated, and the spirit seemed intent on keeping them that way.

"Kerri?" Sam called into the radio, already back tracking towards his brother, his fear growing with each passing moment, heart beating faster with each step he took.

_"Kerri?"_ Sam heard Dean call her again and again, his voice growing frantic.

"Dean, just stay were you are, I'm on my way back." But he was met with nothing but static. "Dean? Damn it."

Sam ran back to the cavern as fast as the darkness would allow, his mind racing, lungs burning as the smoke thickened, the tunnels heating to an almost unbearable level. But he didn't slow, didn't falter for even a second as he raced back to his brother. He pushed his wet hair back out of his eyes as he leapt over the salt lines Kerri had laid earlier, his heart nearly stopping when he swept the light across the room. He could see their extra pack, see the salt that had been laid around Dean, see the few supplies they had left, but there was no sign of his brother.

"Dean!" Sam called into the radio, but he was again met by static. "Stupid, stubborn, jerk." Sam cursed, making his way to the tunnel he had seen Kerri disappear down no more then thirty minutes before.

666666666666666666

Kerri coughed again, her eyes burning, body sweating as she walked deeper and deeper into the mines, her tense frame trembling with each sound she heard, each crackle of the ever nearing fire. It had been almost fifteen minutes since they had split up, but to her it felt more like fifteen hours. She didn't like hunting, plain and simple. She knew she could handle herself, but she also knew that she wasn't nearly as good as the other hunters, that she was just good enough to stay alive, and even that was sometimes questionable. But she did what she had to do, always, to keep those around her safe, to keep those she cared about as far away from harm as she could manage. And Dean and Sam were two people she cared deeply about. That's why she didn't even think twice when she had agreed to go with them to the mines, why she had never once turned back as she wandered through the darkness alone. They were everything to her, the last bit of her past that was still alive, still around, still with her, and she wasn't about to lose them.

She could feel the heat building all around her, feel the fire bearing down upon her, herding her, pushing her into the darkness, but, at the same time, she also felt unnaturally cold. Her body shivered, while sweat poured down her face, her lungs burning as the oxygen dissipated. And suddenly, her flashlight flickered and died, sending her into near total darkness, the only light she could see was the red dance of the approaching flames.

"Damn it." She breathed, unclipping the radio from her belt as she made her way further into the mines, her fear growing with each passing moment. "Sam, I think I need some back up over here." She lifted the talk button and waited, but nothing more then static met her ears. "Sam?" She called again, unconsciously quickening her steps. Still nothing.

"Dean?" Her voice was shaking at this point, her pace growing, mind racing. She had to get out of there, had to get back to the cavern. But, all her hopes were suddenly shattered when she was met by the fallen rocks of a long forgotten cave it, her path out of the shaft completely blocked. She turned slowly, a laughter ringing in her ears, ice dancing down her back, the ghostly figure of a woman standing only a few feet away, the fire dancing dangerously behind it.

"They killed my child before my eyes."

"I'm sorry."

"He was innocent."

"So am I."

"Really?"

"No, but I thought it was worth a try."

"You came with them, with the hunters."

"Yes."

"They came to kill me."

"I know."

"I wanted him back."

"Your son?"

"Your friend."

"Dean? Why?"

"He is an evil that must be punished."

"No, he's not."

"Are you so sure?"

"I'm positive."

"He has made it his life to rid the world of the supernatural."

"Yeah, so?"

"So. What about the other boy, his brother?"

"What about him?"

"He is supernatural, he is one of us. Why then is he still alive."

"That's different. He's never done anything wrong."

"And neither did I. But I was still hunted like an animal, I was still burned and buried for being different. So tell me, what makes him matter more then me?"

"Look, if we could change what happened to you we would, but that was along time ago. We didn't ask to be born or raised the way we were, it just happened. It's not our fault."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"That's because there is no answer. I can't tell you why some people should live and other's shouldn't. I just know that they have to."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because your sister is gone? Because your father is gone? Because you couldn't live if you knew they were all out of your reach?"

"How do you know that?"

"I can feel the guilt dripping from you, I can feel your fear building the closer my fire gets, see the memories drifting through your mind. Would you not punish those responsible for their deaths?"

"I'm responsible."

"I know. Just as Dean in responsible for so many others. He let them slip through his grasp, let them be ripped from his arms. Yes, he has saved many, but many have been lost as well."

"That's not his fault."

"How do you know? He burned a child."

"That boy was evil."

"That boy was murdered. There are other ways to free us besides burning our bones. But you hunters, you don't care. You see us as evil, see the victims as the enemy while their murders' progeny is allowed to live on, allowed to forget us. Justice will not be served until all the innocent are avenged."

Kerri's eyes grew wide as she watched the fire seep towards her, the air around her growing thin and heavy, her vision swimming as her lungs screamed for air, her jeans sticking to her sweat soaked body. She could hear her sister screaming again, her father's voice echoing from some distant horizon, calling out for Evelyn, screaming at Kerri to save her sister, to bring her back. She could see the demon's yellow eyes floating before her once more, hear its laughter ringing in her ears while her sister's body burned into nothing, her father crying, begging, bargaining with the demon for his little girl, his sweet Evelyn.

She could feel it all over again, feel her heart stop, her breath seizing in her throat as she watched her family, her world disappear into smoke, vanish into red hot flames. And she felt like a failure all over again. Dean and Sam were somewhere in the mines, brought here because she thought she could stop the spirit, she thought she knew what was going on. But it was the same as before, she had been lured into a trap, and the people she loved had been the ones to suffer.

"I'm sorry." Kerri's voice was barely more then a whisper, her throat raspy and soar, body heavy and tired. She had lost them all, her entire world falling into flames. She looked up once more into the spirit woman's empty eyes, her sorrowful face staring down at the girl at her feet, completely unaware of the shadow creeping up behind her.


	22. Chapter 22

_well hello everyone. i just want to say thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, i am so very glad you are all enjoying the story. like i said last chapter, there were only two left, and now, i guess, there is just one more chapter after this one. if i dont get it up before hand, i just want to wish everyone a safe and happy new years!!_

_ps: i know the alerts arent working, so hopfully everyone will find the story. lol. as always let me know what you think. and also, let me know if any of you are interested in hearing about the 'watcher' i have mentioned. i've already got one request. :)_

D: alas, i dont own sam or dean. but, wouldnt that be nice.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 22

The shotgun blast echoed through the tunnel, Kerri's ears ringing while the rock salt rained down upon her, as the spirit screeched and vanished into the still thickening smoke. She laid there, still and silent, trying to fight off the darkness that was slowly begining to creep into the corners of her vision, the only sound drifting into her fogging senses was the crackle of the fire, and Dean's heavy breathing as he sunk to the cold, rocky ground.

He blinked back the shadows as he half dragged himself across the floor, shotgun in hand, his eyes firmly set on Kerri's soot covered, still form. His heart beat faster as he moved closer, vision blurring, fever growing with each passing moment. But he wasn't about to let that slow him down. He needed Kerri to be ok, needed to look into her eyes and see that she was still with him, still holding on, still fighting. He had to know that she was all right, that coming back into her life had not been a mistake.

He had wanted to see her again for so long, wanted to be apart of her life again, but he had always been afraid, always been wary of the trouble his family seemed to attract. But he had never forgotten her, not even for a moment. She was always there, her memory helping him through darker days, reminding him what exactly it was he was fighting for, showing him that there was still good in this world. He thought that by staying away he would keep her safe, but he was wrong. He had never expected to hear the story she had told him, never expected to stomp back into her life and find it in pieces. And the reality of that was almost unbearable. He was supposed to protect her, supposed to keep her safe, not pick up the pieces after she was broken.

"Kerri?" He breathed out as he neared her limp form, her face turned away, shadows dancing across her pale skin, but she was breathing, and that was music to the injured hunter's ears. "Kerri." He called again, shaking her shoulder. "Come on, wake up." He whispered, pulling himself to a sitting position, wiping her long bangs away from her closed eyes, smiling slightly when they began to flutter. "Hey, it's ok."

"Dean?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't stay put."

"Nope." Dean answered quietly, pulling her up to sit, alarmed at how scratchy and wispy her voice sounded.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Where is it?"

"Full of rock salt. It'll only slow her down for a bit, though. How're you?"

"Tired." She slurred, falling against Dean's shoulder, eyes rolling closed.

"Hey, hey, you gotta stay with me, ok?"

"Sure." She answered, opening her eyes, but not moving.

"Did it say anything to you?"

"Yeah, we had a nice little chat. Apparently, it doesn't like you too much."

"I've gathered that." Dean mumbled as he checked Kerri's eyes, relieved when they both seemed to focus on the light in his hand. The truth of the matter was, that no matter what he had said before, he really didn't want to have to go back down into those caves. He could remember only bits and pieces of his missing week, but those little tidbits were enough to last him a lifetime. This spirit knew all his shortcomings, had pointed out all of his faults as it attacked, each thrash, each burn, each cut was accompanied by a memory, a testament of his failure. Losing his mother, almost losing his father, Sammy's terrified eyes as he was drug below the earth, and Kerri's cold and lifeless form after she had been attacked by the watcher.

Every mistake he had made was brought back to him tenfold by the woman, her anger burning so bright that it had left him afraid, terrified, and nearly shattered. And then it had started to attack his dreams, burn him and cut him all the while showing him the cost of his life of mistakes. If it wanted him to suffer, then it had gotten its wish.

"My radio's broken." Kerri nearly whispered as Dean wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders while she tried to blink her vision back into focus, the small tunnel filling with smoke at an alarming rate.

"It wasn't your radio. Come on, we gotta get out of here." The two began to crawl through the dark shaft, the air above them too thick to breath, soot sinking down like black rain.

_"Dean? Kerri?"_ Sam's voice crackled through the radios as they neared the mouth of the tunnel, the heat from the fire growing more intense by the minute. Dean vaguely wondered how long it would be until someone found them, that, if this was to be their last hunt, how long it would take someone to notice. And hell, how much longer it would take for them to search the caves. It was kind of sad, really, they had all done so much, helped so many people in their anonymous quest against the dark, and now they would just disappear off the earth, a no one would be the wiser.

"Sam." Kerri coughed as she continued to crawl, a strange echoing crackle sounding through the darkness. "Where the hell are you?" She could feel her eyes falling closed, the smoke filling her lungs as she fought for oxygen, her tired body struggling to stay awake, her mind melting into darkness.

_"From the sound of it, pretty close to you."_

"Oh, shit." Dean suddenly exclaimed, falling back against the wall, his eyes closed, knees drawn to his chest, radio in his hands.

_"Dean? What?"_

"Turn back, Sammy. Get out of the cave."

_"What? Why?"_

"Because, the tunnel we're in is caved in at the back."

_"So?"_

"So, the front is on fire." Dean sighed, opening his eyes and staring at the ceiling, his face lax and sorrowful. Kerri, on the other hand, slowly climbed over Dean, peering around the corner, her eyes fixed on the flames dancing a mere two hundred feet away. Dean was right, they were trapped.

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Sam was growing frantic, his radio issuing nothing but static as he called for Dean and Kerri, his heart beating faster and faster as the heat of the fire grew. He stopped in his tracks when he heard it, the echoing blast of the gun sounded more like thunder in the oppressive heat and silence of the mines. And that momentary din was all he needed to push on, to make his long legs move even faster. They were alive, and they were fighting, and that was all he needed to know.

He called into the radio one more time, and he was rewarded, finally, with a weak and strangled answer. _"Sam? Where the hell are you?"_

He could hear her not only in the radio, but also in the caves, and he felt his sagging hopes rise, "From the sound of it, pretty close to you." Sam could feel his body relaxing, his tense shoulders loosening, that was until he heard his brother's defeated voice. _"The tunnel we're in is caved in at the back... The front is on fire."_

Sam could literally feel his heart stop, his body doubling over as he rounded a corner, tall hungry flames blocking the path to his brother. He was too late. He slid back against the wall, fighting back the tears that were swelling in his burning eyes, fighting back the sorrow that was taking over his very tired body. He couldn't lose another person to fire, he wouldn't. His entire life was ruled by those sickly yellow and red flames, by that heat, that heavy air, that dark smoke. But no more, he had lost too many people to it, and he wasn't going to lose Dean as well.

With a determination he didn't think he could muster he pushed himself to his feet, sweeping the flashlight back and forth across the tunnel, searching for any way to the other side, any break, any advantage he could use. The fissure was so small that he missed it on the first sweep, the shadows cast by the fire masking the narrow opening. The younger hunter quickly ran to the entrance, scanning the area, releasing a breath he didn't even know he was holding when he made it to the other side, a cooler clear shaft waiting for him, several openings cut along the wall.

"Dean? Kerri?"

_"Sammy."_ Sam was alarmed at how weak his brother's voice sounded. _"Go away. Get out."_

"Not a chace. I'm in the next tunnel over, there's a couple of openings from the one you're in to this one. Try to see if you can find one."

_"Sammy."_

"Now, Dean."

Sam stood stock still for several long moments, holding his breath, straining his eyes and ears. This was there last chance, their only chance. He felt himself relax when he heard the scraping of the rocks, and the light cursing of his brother, Dean's body falling limply through a second small fissure, pulling Kerri through behind him. He rushed to their sides, helping his brother lean against the wall, his blonde hair black with soot and sweat, Kerri resting by his side.

"Hey, are you two ok?"

"Oh, I'm great. You know, golden brown, not too crispy." Dean sighed as he tried to blink away smoke induced tears.

"Well." Sam smiled, patting his brother's shoulder before moving to check on Kerri, who was disturbingly quiet. "Nice to know it didn't dampen your sarcasm."

"Nope, never. Hey, Sammy." Dean rolled his head so he was looking straight at his brother. "It's good to see you again."

Those few words said it all for the younger hunter, Sam smiling despite himself. It had been close, too close. He gave his brother another long look before turning back to the girl beside him, her still body startlingly cold despite the fire. "Kerri? You with me?" Still nothing. "Kerri!" Sam called a little louder, shaking her small shoulder gently.

"Kerri?" Dean breathed out, as he turned to her, worried eyes surveying her lax form.

"Uumm?"

"Kerri, come on. You gotta wake up." Sam spoke lightly as he took her face in his hands, relieved to be met by half open blue eyes. "You ok?"

"Not really." She stated weakly, her eyes drifting closed once more.

"Hey." Dean swung his arm against her. "Stay awake."

"Uh. Where are we?" Kerri finally blinked and looked around, the fire not nearly as close as she had remembered it.

"We're in the next tunnel over." Sam stated grabbing her under the arms. "You think you can walk, we gotta get out of here."

"We gotta burn the bones." She protested, swaying momentarily before sinking back to the ground, her head spinning.

"That's not really an option anymore." Sam spoke evenly as he checked and reloaded their guns. "Look, just sit there and catch your breath. Keep lookout." He added when he saw her eyes drift closed again.

Kerri leaned back against the wall, flashlight scanning the dark cavern, lungs burning, body aching. The clear air was helping, but she was still far from ok. She had no idea how long she had been talking to the spirit, how long she had been sitting there, entranced, as the fire grew around her, the smoke snaking its way into her body.

She only half listened to Sam and Dean as they planned their escape, pouring over the maps, trying to trace a path through the fire. She kept staring down the deep, cold tunnel, eyes fixed on something at the end of the light, shinning slightly, oddly. She couldn't tell if it was rock or something else, her vision blurring as she tried to stare, mind moving slower then she ever thought it could. But there was something there, she was sure of it.

She pushed herself to her hands and knees, crawling along the dirt, the light held out before her, cutting through the heavy darkness. It couldn't be that easy, they couldn't just stumble across it when they were ready to run, things just didn't happen that way. But she was sure of what she saw, so determined to prove to herself that she wasn't crazy that she crawled off into the darkness, leaving Sam, Dean, and the supplies behind her.

"Ker--." Sam began, turning from his brother, ready to get them all out. But he was met by nothing more then darkness, and the dim flashlight a hundred feet away.

"We all have to start wearing bells." Dean chided as he began to push himself to his feet.

"No, wait here, I'll go get her."

"Sam."

"She's not that far, Dean, I'll be fine." Sam gave his brother an encouraging smile before turning off into the darkness.

He made it to Kerri in no time, startled when he found her kneeling, almost mesmerized over a set of half covered bones. But he wasn't amazed by the find at all, in fact, he could feel the hairs on the back on his neck stand on end, they had been trapped again. But, he knew, the ghost must have been getting desperate to use her own bones to lure them away.

"Come on." Sam's loud voice made Kerri jump, pulling her out of her trance. "Let's burn them and go."

"Something's not right." Kerri spoke softly, finally able to stand, as she sprinkled the salt down over the bones, Sam ready with the lighter fluid and matches.

"It all seems so easy, doesn't it." They both looked up at the sound of the icy voice, the spirit woman standing there before them, a cold smile on her face, fire held in her outstretched hands.

Sam had barely a second to react, the woman before them throwing the fire with such force, such speed that he could feel it scorch his back as he covered Kerri and rolled, the two coming to a rest behind an outcropping of rock just a few feet from the bones. Sam continued to hold Kerri tightly in his arms, afraid that, if he let her go, she would be one more person in his life consumed by fire. He could hear the ghost laughing, feel Kerri breathing hard, her face pressed to his chest, his shotgun and supplies still by the bones, right in sight of the fire throwing spirit.

He nearly jumped when he heard the clicking echo through his radio, the rhythm precise and clear. Morse code. ". . . . , .--, -- --" Sam. "--. . , . , --.--. , -- -- --, -- . -- --" Decoy. " . . .-- --" Sam took in a deep, steadying breath, releasing his hold on Kerri, she too understanding what Dean was about to do, she too preparing herself for their last ditch effort, their last chance.

" . -- -- -- --". One.

" . . -- -- --". Two.

" . . . -- --". Three! Sam and Kerri both ran out into the open tunnel, Dean's voice ringing in their ears.

"Yo, bitch!" He stood strong and tall, all previous signs of injury gone as he fired, the shotgun blast missing the spirit by inches as it dissipated, Sam scooping up the lighter fluid while Kerri grabbed another shotgun.

"Where'd it go?" Dean asked, scanning the area, when a wind suddenly exploded out of nowhere, throwing all three back into the wall, Sam and Kerri on one side of the bones, Dean on the other. Seconds after they were thrown the spirit appeared again, her smile gone, eyes frighteningly dark, fire growing all around her, a wall building between the brothers.

"Hey!" Sam yelled, drawing the woman's wrath from his brother. "I'm not so easy to kill now am I?'

"You all must be punished."

"Then punish me you witch."

"I WAS NEVER A WITCH!" Her voice boomed in the space, filling the air with a deafening gale, her dark eyes now glowing like red hot fire, anger aimed at Sam, the young hunter not even flinching as the woman's hands began to glow once more, fire growing, hot wind blowing back Sam's hair, bright flames illuminating his dangerous eyes.

With one final scream the spirit let her arsenal fly, the fire shooting at the younger Winchester as quick as lightning, the hunter dropping to his knees, throwing the can of lighter fluid towards the flames, the two meeting over the bones, exploding in a rain of fire, catching the spirit's remains like dry kindling, laying her angered soul to rest, the fires around them dying with her screams.


	23. Chapter 23

_well everyone, here it is, the final chapter of Something Lost. i just want to say that i absolutly loved writing this story, and i am so happy you all enjoyed it as much as me, i am very sad to see it ending. thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, they really, really do mean alot to me. _

_let me know if you would like to see Kerri again, either as an adult or as a child, i have a few ideas but i wont post them till i see how everyone feels about her. _

_again, thank you all for your support, and enjoy. :)_

D: dont own them, just having fun.

**SOMETHING LOST**

Chapter 23

Dean sat at the old wooden table, his head down, half eaten sandwich forgotten as he poured over the book on his lap. It had been a week since their ordeal in the mines, but to the weary hunter it seemed like a lifetime. He was still covered in bandages, his arm still in its brace, skin still far too pale, but he was alive and healing, and at the moment that was all that mattered.

It had been so long since he had just relaxed, just laid back and let the world around him float by, let his mind wander to happier times. Their last hunt had been too close for him, his brother and Kerri nearly loosing their lives because of him, because of the mistakes he had made throughout his short twenty- eight years. He had made it his purpose, his goal to keep them safe, and he had been used as bait to lure them to their deaths, lure them into darkness to make him suffered. And he vowed that he would never let that happen again, that he would be better, be stronger, be smarter. That he would die before he ever placed the two people he loved in harm's way.

He looked up when he heard a shuffling by the stairway, Sam's tall frame silhouetted in the shadows, shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets as he looked sheepishly at his brother. Dean had been nearly comatose by the time he and Kerri had managed to pull him from the mines, his fever having spiked so severely that neither was sure if they would be able to get it back under control. Sam had thanked god so many times over the past two weeks that he had lost count.

He had thanked him when Dean turned up, bandaged but alive in the motel room. He had thanked him when they found Kerri, when he finally remembered his lost youth. He had thanked him when he found a way to get his brother and friend out of the tunnel, and he had thanked him over and over again when the fires that were raging around them died out with the cries of the spirit. Because, the youngest Winchester knew far to well, that if the fires had continued to burn, there would have been no way for them to escape.

He lowered himself slowly into the seat opposite his brother, Dean merely nodding at him before turning back to the book. It had been like that for days now, both men too afraid to talk to each other, too afraid to relive their latest ordeal. All their lives they had lived on thin ice, always knowing that one mistake, one wrong move and everything they had would come falling down around them. And this time was no different. They had let their guards down and they had almost paid the price. And it left the brothers with nothing to say.

Sam had been secretly grateful for Kerri, the young girl acting as a sort of buffer between the boys, helping them ease into conversations, her mere presence filling a little bit of the silence that had descended around them. But he knew that that wouldn't and couldn't last. They had to move on, and he knew that Kerri would not be coming with them.

He had asked her, the second day after the fires he had found her in her room, searching through the papers another hunter had sent her. He could still remember every minute of it, his voice raw and shaky, Dean's injuries still serious though thankfully not life threatening. He felt like a little child all over again, the same small child that had needed her so much growing up, the same small child that had forgotten her. But she merely smiled at him, and told him that her place was here, and his was with his brother.

Kerri had always known that, while she was a true friend, she was never apart of their family. She had told Sam so often as a child that it was a privilege to be a Winchester, and while she loved his family dearly, she would never force herself upon them. And Sam couldn't help but be amazed. She had lost so much, suffered so much, but she still understood, still appreciated life, and everything that came with it, still cared for him and his brother as deeply as the day they left all those years ago.

"So." Sam began, clearing his throat before continuing. "Where's Kerri?"

Dean didn't look up, not right away. He knew what his brother meant, knew what he was asking. The older Winchester knew that they needed to talk, that he and his brother had so many fences to mend, so many obstacles to overcome, and he knew that Kerri wasn't there to be a buffer, not today. And while apart of him was happy about that, another part was down right terrified, because he had no idea what to say. They had almost died, all of them, and he couldn't help but feel guilty for it. After all, he didn't have to go to Stanford, didn't have to drag Sam away from his perfect life, just like he didn't have to go back to Valley after Sam had shown him the letter.

No, he didn't have to, but he still didn't think he would have been able to stop himself on either account. He needed them, so much more then they would ever know. He had lived so much of his life alone, kept so much to himself, that the idea of having someone around, someone to laugh with, someone beside him, was something he could never walk away from. He gravitated towards Sam and Kerri because he knew, deep down, that they were two people that would never leave him, not completely. Yes, Sam had gone to school, and yes, Kerri was engaged to be married. But, when all was said and done they had been the only two people in his entire life that had come back.

"She went into town." Dean answered, his voice also raspy and quiet, the smoke in the mines having done a number on all of them.

"What're you reading?" It was tentative, but Dean knew what he meant, knew what he needed, what Sam always needed, comfort.

"Nothing. It's a photo album."

"Oh."

"Man, you should see yourself, Sammy, you were a pudgy little guy." Dean didn't look up but he could almost feel Sam's smile, sense the tension dissipate in the heavy air around them, as his brother moved to sit beside him.

"It was baby fat, dude."

"You don't still have baby fat when you're eight."

"You can."

"You just keep telling yourself that."

"Yeah, well, at least I wasn't cross-eyed."

"That went away when I was seven!"

"Nah, still pops up now and again, usually when you look like you're trying to think."

"Whatever, dude." Dean laughed, turning the pages, the old photos of him and his brother smiling up as though from another time, another life.

"Hey, Dean." Sam began after a short silence, his brother still smiling down at the photos before him, the first real smile Sam had seen on the older man's face in a very long time. It was at that moment that the younger man realized just how old his brother looked, just what their lifestyle had done to him. But, for once, Sam didn't just see the hardship in his big brother's eyes, didn't just see the weight of the world on his shoulders. No, there was something else glinting in his green orbs, something that was unmistakably pride. He was the cornerstone of the Winchester family, the wall against which he and his father leaned, and, despite everything fate had placed in his path, Dean had managed to hold them all together, to make their family something special.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?" Dean looked up, confused. He didn't really think there was anything he deserved thanking for.

"For everything. I mean, without you, I don't think I would have made it this far."

"Don't be dramatic, Sam."

"I mean it. No matter what that woman said to you, I wouldn't want anyone else to be my big brother."

"Thanks, Sam." Dean looked long and hard at the man sitting beside him, taking in everything that was Sammy. From the moppy brown hair and puppy dog eyes, to his strong and capable soul, Dean studied it all, and smiled. Maybe he hadn't screwed up after all.

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By the time the second week rolled around Sam could see Dean getting antsy despite of himself. He knew that his brother wanted to stay, knew he wanted to spend time with Kerri, wanted to relax in the safe confines of the old house. But he also knew that his brother was a traveler, a wandering soul, and that was something that would never change. No matter how tired he was, no matter how much he wanted more for himself, there was just something about him that wouldn't let the older man stay still, wouldn't let him rest.

And so, sixteen days after leaving the mines Sam found himself standing by the impala, bags in the trunk, the open road laid out ahead. He wanted to stay, wanted to be normal, but he wanted to be with his brother more, and he was finally ok with that. He looked up to see Dean and Kerri coming down the basement stairs, three large bags in their arms, enough food, Sam thought, to feed an army. Or, in their case, two very hungry hunters.

He could see a sorrowful resolve in the young girl's eyes, see just what their return had done to her, had given her. Sam knew deep down that they may never see her again, that their lives were full of such uncertainty, such danger, that it made it impossible to think too far ahead. And, from the way she smiled, from the way she walked, he could tell that she knew that too.

"So." She began tentatively, placing the bags in the back seat of the impala. "See you again when you're forty?" She smiled weakly, and Sam swore he could see her heart breaking.

"No, we'll see you before that. I promise." Dean looked her deep in the eyes as he spoke, almost as though he were daring heaven or hell to try and prove him wrong. It was a mistake to let the last twelve years slip away, a mistake he was certain he would never make again.

"I'll hold you to that." She smiled before looking up at Sam.

"I'll never forget you again." Sam smiled as he leaned down, hugging Kerri. "At least I'll try not too." He added, a sudden wave of sadness taking over.

"You better not." Her voice too was soft and sad as she pulled away from him.

"Don't worry, I won't let him." Dean smiled and, much to Sam's surprise, pulled the young girl into a tight hug, holding on so strongly that Sam was wondering if he would ever let her go. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"You are now."

Dean squeezed her one more time before pulling away and clearing his throat. "Come on, Sammy, I feel a chick flick moment growing, we gotta go." He smiled again, pulling open the passenger side door as Sam climbed into the driver's seat. And, as the car sped down the road, dust flying up in it's tracks, both brothers stared almost transfixed at the side view mirrors, watching as Kerri disappeared into their past once more.


End file.
